tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28402710715155031582024-03-06T01:20:52.432-05:00Skinny Don't Fix UglyThe Diary of a Diet Diva, Running Momma and Cycling Addict.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.comBlogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-12387268755034364262021-02-01T16:10:00.002-05:002021-02-01T16:10:54.926-05:00Defeated and Lonely<p> The pandemic crushed me. Gyms closed. The world stopped. It was my time. My time to get back to fitness, to get healthy, to stop dedicating every waking minute of my life to helping others. </p><p>But I didn't.</p><p>I spent almost every single day answering emails and questions about when we would open. I talked to the owner off the ledge. I worked around billing, supported members, wrote workouts and rearranged a gym when I shouldn't have been lifting a thing.</p><p>Wait, what? What do I mean by getting back to fitness?</p><p>A few years ago I got hurt in a race. Pretty bad. My back and shoulders took the worst of it. I wondered for a while if I would be able to walk normally every again. I kept that fear to myself. I wondered for a few months if I would end up in a wheelchair. Again, keeping that to myself but people could see it. I started rapidly gaining weight. My daily cardio disappeared in exchange for extra sleep. Then the worst of the depression set in. She was gone. </p><p>The girl I worked 10 years to get. The girl with endless energy and ambition and GOALS. The girl who was goals. Clothes don't fit. Workouts don't exist. I don't recognize myself and I'm still in pain 50% of the day. Sometimes it is impossible to walk 50ft. If I am having a good day I can walk a mile. So 60ish pounds heavier, older and broken. That's where I was and still am.</p><p>September rolls through after spending 6 months in quarantine. 6 months I should have spent focused on me.Mind you I can't workout but spent 6 hours one day moving commercial gym equipment for FREE. Yes UNPAID. I was told "unemployment was taking care of me" The progress with my back I had made was now gone. I was right where I had been months previously. Could barely move. The pain debilitating.</p><p>Anyway, We get the ok to reopen. It was a struggle. People were scared, cancellations were heavy and I was angry. So angry. People were being absolutely horrid. Yelling about the mask, the policies, the cleaning and then BAM. The owner tells me he is selling to corporate. I panicked. My whole life would be gone. 9 years of my blood , sweat and tears just gone...Yet ,I was told they want to keep me and a little ray of glistening hope came through. Negotiations quickly went south with the ending number still a significant pay cut so I didn't accept. I could make more money delivering pizza.</p><p>So here I am. Jobless. Overweight. Out of Shape. Sad and Angry.</p><p>I gave my life to that company. My whole life. I missed band concerts, award ceremonies, birthdays, speaking engagements. I worked more than I was paid. I put MY goals on the back burner to help everyone around me. I went to work sick, I fell on ice and said I was fine, I missed rides and I took SO MUCH SHIT from people. Let's recap:</p><p>"Aren't you embarrassed to be seen in spandex" Erica D ( I was a size 5)</p><p>"I would never want to look like you. You have too much muscle" Leslie ( 19.4% body fat)</p><p>"You look so swollen all the time, are you gaining wieght" Marcie (I hadn't slept in months due to my daughter running away)</p><p>"Man, everytime I see you, you have food" Rich H (I was eating an apple at 1pm because I hadn't ate all day)</p><p>"Are you sure your back pain isn't emotional?" Local Chiropractor (I had literally just been ran over by another racer on a steep single track decent) <br /></p><p>The list goes on...and on.</p><p>And now here we are. Daily getting requests for diet help, cycling help, workout help. All of them expecting it for free and Im right back to fat girl mentality. What is that?</p><p>Fat Girl Mentality is when you agree to do everything and help everyone because you are so goddamn scared someone is going to talk shit about you behind your back. You are a mega people pleaser. A yes Man. A fucking pussy.</p><p>So its time to start fresh. To try to find that badass at 42. To let go of allll the bullshit and I need a place to vent. This is my place. I don't need anyone to "get it" I just need to write it out and let it go. </p><p>I have a plan. I hope it works.</p><p>PS:If you continually use people in any capacity then FUCK YOU. We have all had enough of it.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-20464515442146323762012-10-18T00:52:00.001-04:002012-10-18T00:52:10.055-04:00Too Busy, too busy, too busyManaging a gym has consumed my life. Beside the girls, my own work outs, meal planning and Jeramy's crazy schedule I am swamped.I want to be better about this. I really NEED to be better about this.<br />
I played the roller coaster game with my eating over the summer. High protein, low carb. Visa Versa. No meat, liquid veggies. Fasting Cardio. All trying to get the scale to budge. Nothing.<br />
150-200 miles a week. Nothing.<br />
Go back to WW but cut out most of the fruit and Oh my gosh...amazing. The scale moves. I don't know why it works for me. It just does. So dear WW, I strayed. I messed around on you. I dabbled in other things but I am back following your ways so preach on.<br />
How did the tri go? We dominated and set a new course record by 4 minutes.<br />
Trophies are good. I found out I really like to win things.<br />
I bought myself a fancy new Trek Madone 6.5 full carbon race bike. I literally cried when I sold my other bike. We came so far together. From struggling rides on the trail to 85 mile rides at 20+mph. It was time to pass her on. She went to a good home, a beginning cyclist.<br />
My numbness in my foot is mostly gone and I have logged a couple of runs here and there. Looking forward to another fun year of River Bank Training. Jeramy is looking forward to Boston. What an honor. I couldn't be more proud. This weekend he is running GR half and the girls will run the kids marathon again. I wish I could be the fiery funny girl from the beginning of this blog but I have settled a little. It will come back. I am still on fire but have been spreading the love locally instead of out here in cyber land. When it is not so late I will give you a full review of INSANITY. Oh yeah, I tired it....I don't have time to share my words on that shitfest right now. Until next time, remember, if your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. ;o)Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-35155170982580684232012-06-06T20:35:00.001-04:002012-06-06T20:35:43.994-04:00Little Less Conversation..Alot more FUNEhh, an updated picture to my non facebook friends would be nice right..ok! But first I must say my husband ran his first marathon and qualified for Boston!!!!! Ahhhhh, so proud. Next on the list is a run with legend Scott Jurek and then a small town 5k. In July we are doing a team TRI with his cousin, Justin. He is a badass in the water and with me on the bike and Jeramy on his feet....well, we should be a FORCE. BOOM!! Anyway here we go. Still working but not too bad for an ALL NATURAL weight loss:<br />
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<br />Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-12736501910459054142012-05-10T09:26:00.000-04:002012-05-10T09:26:14.034-04:00River Bank GoodnessRiver Bank run is upon us. I have worked my ass off in the past couple of weeks cross training and running only twice a week in order to come back 100%. I am not fully there yet I am better.<br />
Physically I am in a place that I can push for about an hour or so on my feet. Not bad. Not great but not bad. I am not sure yet if I will even wear my Garmin at the race. I am not stressed out about it at all. Hell this morning my toes were numb again. This lets me know that I indeed need to see the chiro again tomorrow. <br />
Over the past few months I have ran with some of the 2012 Road Warriors. What an honor to see it from a different angle.They have all worked to their full capacity. I am honored to be their friend.<br />
Coming to terms with not running the 25k was hard. I do get to hear the occasional "well you aren't really a runner" comment from people who think I am somehow forced to run. That I couldn't possibly enjoy it. Well this is what I have to say to them. SCREW YOU. I am just as much of a runner as my husband who will be running his first 26.2 in two weeks. I am just as much as a runner as a 6 minute miler. Why? Because I run. I lace up my shoes and put one foot in front of the other. I leave my problems on the road and if you feel superior to me because you are faster then good for you. I am glad you really focus on the important things in life.<br />
So Saturday I will run the 10k on my terms. I will enjoy the crowd and the energy that is the River Bank Run. I will drink a beer with my friends and I will cry for some great accomplishments. I will rejoice that all of my cross training has given me another loss of 1% body fat and that cycling season is upon us. I will watch the smiling faces of the children full of pride for their parents. I will watch the struggle and the heart ache. The joy and the new beginning that the finish line brings.<br />
I will watch all of this with a huge grin, tears and pride knowing that I might have only run the 10k this year but next year the hills of Butterworth and roar of the crowd will still be waiting for me.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-79560484763993666792012-04-12T11:17:00.000-04:002012-04-12T11:17:23.088-04:00Goodbye 25KFor months I have been dealing with pain. Well closer to a year. I ran the 25k last year with Piriformis Syndrome. It hppened jumping out of a truck. Ended up walking every hill. Missed my goal time but was happy to finish. I took 3 months off running. Saw PT's, Dr.'s, Deep Tissue people, massage people, ect..... came back to running in October. Tightness in my lower back/ hip area started. I stretched. Iced. Applied heat. Saw 2 more Pt's and another massage person. Then it all started to happen. My stride shortened, walking became painful and it was 10x more work to keep up my speed. If anything was slowing down. Rest, stretch, yoga, pilates. Nothing helped.<br />
I have had had my gait assessed more times than I can count. Always the same thing. Relaxed, good form, fast turnover neutral....no reason for the pain. Finally I snapped. I had a really good cry and took myself to the Dr. This time ending up at a Chiro. I have Spondylolisthesis.<br />
The pain that takes my breath away and messes up my gait is because I have a shifted vertebrae. An injury from a fall or a hit. Like jumping out of a truck.<br />
I have two choices. Take some time off of the pounding or end up not being able to even ride. Yes it is that bad. My strong core is what has kept me going this long. I haven't slept well in months. My memory is shot from it. And now after investing months of training am told I can't run the race. Maybe not run ever again. I have been a mess for 24 hours. Crying, blubbering mess.<br />
I work so fucking hard. Too hard to not see progress. Of course why should I of expected speed when I could barely swing my leg through without pain.<br />
This isn't a little muscle issue or a tendon problem. If that was the case I would lace up and hit the ground. This is serious. I knew it the minute he put the xray up. <br />
My hope is to run the shit out of the 10k but knowing this is one hell of a goal at this point.<br />
I am ignoring all talks of MRI's and surgery to this point. I don't even want to think about it.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-14198821040979105782012-03-30T15:27:00.000-04:002012-03-30T15:27:20.263-04:00Here we go again...25k or bust.It's about that time of exhaustion. The time when I want to sleep, scream, cuss and cry. Training sucks. <br />
Now if I blogged more than once every 6 months or so then you guys would probably know what I was talking about. River Bank Run 25k. Again. Why? because it wasn't torturous enough to do it the first time.<br />
I didn't deal with enough pain, chaffing, ripped skin, hurt back. Oh no, not at all. I wanted more.<br />
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I came into this training season feeling strong. Faster, healthier and more fit than the previous year. So of course my body started throwing a fit and acting like it was 103 instead of 33. There has been IT band issues, piriformas issues, stomach issues, energy issues, time issues.....hell, mental issues.<br />
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This year there is a new training group on the scene and I am no longer running for an audience. I am running for me. The problem with that is that I have already run this distance so the common goal is to PR. I was gunning for a 20 minute PR, it still may happen but right now I am tired. So very tired. Mostly mental. This bores the hell out of me. I need change. <br />
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I think that is why I like running in the woods on the dirt trails. Your mind has to think. You need to respond and be active. One the road I feel dead. Just breathing and running. I am not fast yet I am not as slow as I once was. 17 minutes faster for a 5k than my first ever. That's in a little over 2 years. Most people think this is amazing but I want more. I am greedy.<br />
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This brings me to my weight loss. I surpassed my first goal. I had to set a new one. I will be content when the jiggle in my wiggle is gone. My size 7/8 jeans are not enough for me. They are loose. I look good. I feel good but I love pushing myself, setting a new goal and hitting that goal. As with most things I always want more.<br />
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I just need a little more pep in my step....really I just need cycling season to hurry up and get here.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-91746238796443545542011-09-07T23:25:00.000-04:002011-09-07T23:25:20.416-04:00So, um, you still struggle??This question has been weighing on my mind all day. Someone asked me the very same thing last night.<br />
I just think...uh, yeah, food is good. I am a recovering food addict. I get tired. Tired of logging my food. I mean how many times can you write down your food? Tired of working out...the word "work" is in there for a reason. Tired of making healthy choices but then I remember.<br />
I remember the girl who couldn't tie her own shoes. Couldn't walk a mile without wanting to die. The girl who hid oreos in the couch as a chubby little child. I have battles and demons and reasons and excuses but I shut that bitch up with a good work out.<br />
I can't go back there. I am not that person anymore. I know that and I choose to make good choices but I still dream of and endless supply of M&M's and a cherry coke. My struggle is my own but it is the same for many many people out there. So I guess it's not really a struggle but I have to be in the present about my choices and actions. I choose to eat one serving and not the whole shabang :o) Shabang being a 5 lb cheesecake ;o)<br />
Today I also went with my mother to buy a scale. She hasn't weighed herself in a long time and I have been pleading with her to get healthy. Just looking at the scales made my palms sweat. My scale and I have a nice understanding. We love each other. I do my part and it reports back kindly. I don't want to cheat on my scale.<br />
Anyway she had been telling me what she weighs and I had been calling bullshit (tough love right?). Late tonight I got a phone call. She weighed about 40 lbs more than what she thought. How does that happen?? Easy. We eat. We make excuses. We buy bigger pants blaming the manufacturer for a funny "cut". We struggle. My hope is that she is ready to listen. Because if there is anything I have learned during this journey it is that we don't have to struggle alone.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-91156858711036349942011-09-07T13:16:00.000-04:002011-09-07T13:16:50.788-04:00Paying it forward..As time has gone on I have picked up clients interested in losing weight and getting healthy. I never thought I would be the crazy woman preaching at people what not to put in their mouths and telling them to move their asses. I mean hell some days I have to yell at myself to move MY ass.<br />
Speaking of my ass. I just purchased a wonderful pair of size 8 petite dress slacks. I love them. I think I secretly used to dream of them while I was inhaling cheeseburgers like I was Joey Chestnut at an eating competition. Those dress slacks make me feel wonderful. That is the feeling I want to share with the people I am helping. The joy of meeting new goals. The strength and confidence to finish what they started. The ability to look back and laugh, cry and grimace at what they went through but to look forward with nothing but excitement .<br />
I have set some lofty goals for next year. I may need my head examined. I have the constant need to set a goal, push to the goal and attain the goal. So next year it will be an Iron Man 70.3. AND, I am going to race road bikes.<br />
I have an adrenaline problem. I probably need a 12 step program to get over my need for speed on two wheels. Matter of fact I got the coolest compliment from a good friend and former pain in the ass running coach. He says " You ride like a guy" hahah. I love that. It is true. I am fearless, aggressive and fast. It is my strength.<br />
We all have that strength. It may not be on 2 skinny wheels but we all have it somewhere. Running, yoga, cycling, swimming, boxing...there is something that will click. It will just feel good. It will make you feel good about your self and when we feel good we make better choices. Food choices and life choices. So I urge you to go out and find your physical activity that makes you feel good and then share it with a friend.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-61781518135503809662011-08-19T15:21:00.000-04:002011-08-19T15:21:50.332-04:00Fickle FriendsI am not a very open person. It takes me a long time to open up. I am mouthy and have a hard exterior. This is only because once I consider you a friend you are a friend for life.<br />
Few people know my whole story, few know where the hardness comes from. The ones that do know don't question it. They roll with the punches. <br />
Recently I handed my heart to a group of people with great apprehension. I know better. People are fickle. They change their loyalties with the blink of a trend. As I expected the minute my life got hectic and I had to focus on me and my family they quickly disappeared. Fickle.<br />
The experience only makes me mad at myself. Mad for trusting and opening up my heart. This anger has translated into some amazing work outs though. I have so much pent up frustration I just ignore the burn in my legs. I am in the best shape I have ever been in my life.<br />
In the last month my family also lost someone very close. A man that I have know my whole life and that was my father's best friend. Red was his name. Uncle Red. I never new him by anything else. He is gone. He had been suffering from Parkinson's for a long time so his death was bitter sweet and hurt horribly. He was my dad's friend for life. Never Fickle.<br />
I know this is a weight loss blog so maybe it will help to read how I use the pain to push myself. The time on the road is better than therapy for me. It is fuel for my fire. What fuels you?Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-56458644040201224562011-07-18T14:23:00.000-04:002011-07-18T14:23:28.095-04:00Bloggity Blog blogI spend all these crazy hours every week riding, running and lifting. While I am doing so I always come up with these brilliant blog ideas. It never fails that by the time I pull in the driveway and hear my children bugging and whining that my mind goes blank.<br />
I will just be honest and tell you where I am. I am fighting tooth and nail trying to get the scale to move 14 more pounds. And to be honest I was hoping this saggy fat filled kangaroo pouch would of diminished more but it hasn't. I am terrified of the surgery to remove it. Even more terrified of the 6-8 weeks of not being able to work out.<br />
While training for the 25k I had to greatly increase my carbs and overall calorie intake. When I strapped on the feed bag I quickly had an amazing burst of energy but the scale stopped moving. About 2 weeks into eating like a pro wrestler and I got tired. I didn't want to run and the scale started to go up. Back to the books.<br />
I quickly discovered that eating the extra carbs made me exhausted and gain weight. I kept reading how endurance athletes would store the carbs as fuel reserves for when the body needed them. I was storing all right but even running 30 miles a week I wasn't getting rid of them.<br />
I dropped the carbs...stepped away from the bagels and oatmeal..and started to feel a million times better. This probably doesn't work for everyone. I am sure most people can't ride 20 miles on nothing more than and apple and hard boiled egg but that is when I feel the best. I don't know why and at this point I am not going to mess with it because the scale is moving again.<br />
More importantly athletically I am a beast. I don't get cocky about much but I have been working my ass off on my bike. I can consistently hit 15 miles of hills at almost 20mph. No pack riding, just my husband and I. There is a spoof race here of 30 miles, a few good climbs and donut stops of 10 miles. I never thought I would say this but my goal is to place top 3 in my age group. I may even be going for the win unless some Pros show up. <br />
So there it is, nothing profound. Nothing overly funny.Just me. Still working on me.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-23158491497366132412011-06-21T22:03:00.000-04:002011-06-21T22:03:01.137-04:00The wheels on my bike go round and round...I hit my first 100 mile week for the year :o) Mostly cycling but some running. I have been having a foot issue so the running has been light. Since the foot pain is starting to fade I plan on ramping back up the running mileage soon. As much as I want to finish full marathon I have decided on GR Half.<br />
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This choice was totally selfish. Long endurance runs don't help me lose weight or tone up. Mostly because you need to eat to run. I am surprised runners don't wear feed bags like race horses. I have never experienced such hunger. I would probably beat someone for a snickers after most 10 milers.<br />
So since I am on a mission to not only hit my goal weight but to try to reduce body fat I am only willing to train for the half .The full will come in time. The jiggly bits need to go now.<br />
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I finally succumbed to the lure of a Jillian Michaels DVD. Yoga Meltdown since P90x yoga was starting to get old and Funky Buddha is an hour away. I did level 1 and it was ok. I am so used to Tony Horton that anything else just seems so easy. I broke a nice sweat and it was a good stretch. I still love her and am hoping level 2 is a little harder.<br />
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Besides the half marathon I am not making any plans or setting anything in stone. I am just enjoying the freedom of summer. I am even going to float down the river in a bathing suite a few times. Being comfortable in my own skin has definitely opened up whole new world and I am loving every bit of it.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-39119460076349613682011-06-15T14:09:00.001-04:002011-06-15T14:10:32.257-04:00Worst Diet Mantra EVER!Thanks to Kate Moss we have been hearing it for years. To me it is like nails on a chalk board.<br />
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"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"<br />
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Obviously she has never ate things such as a really good gelato, the first grilled sweet corn of the season ,baklava or a fresh tomato off the vine. I mean seriously. Food tastes good.<br />
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I m not saying being thin doesn't feel good. Even with 15 more pounds to lose I am relatively a thin person now. Average. I have curves and muscles but I am not where I was and it feels great. The strength , energy, confidence and athleticism all feel amazing.<br />
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The thing is, when you have food issues, mantras like Ms. Moss’s ode to anorexic chain smokers do nothing but make us feel out of control, guilty and fatter than ever. The gorgeous supermodel is telling me I shouldn’t be enjoying this slice of cheesecake more than being a size six (or four, or two). WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!?! Nothing – you enjoy food. How else do you think you ended up overweight, and Moss ended up an underweight poster child of the size zero revolution?<br />
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One of the biggest challenges — and breakthroughs — for me was to STOP FEELING GUILTY ABOUT EATING. Yes, I have will power to a certain extent, but the moments where it fails me doesn’t make me a failure. A certain self-awareness about eating is necessary – you can’t let yourself off the hook <i></i> indulging <i>all the time</i>. But in the “everything in moderation” moments where you indulge and — God forbid! – actually enjoy the taste of something MORE THAN YOU WANT TO BE THIN — if you guilt trip yourself? It becomes a negative-feedback loop of doom. Trying to police yourself on eating culminates in your eating more than you ever would if you had a healthier, less-guilty attitude towards food. It’s difficult to accept. It seems so wrong. Counter-intuitive. What do you<i> mean</i>, I shouldn’t feel guilty about eating ice cream? Ice cream is… bad.<br />
Reprogram yourself. Eating ice cream is not bad. Eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting? Yeah, that’s probably bad (but even that you should be able to let go of, in time). But if you let go of the guilt of eating a normal serving, heck – maybe even TWO, of your favorite, super delicious “better than thin feels” ice cream and then actually eat that – normal serving size – on a regular basis, you may find your overwhelming, emotional need to devour an entire carton diminishes.<br />
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Then again, you also have to know yourself, and realize we don’t have an automatic reset button. You’re not going to go from being a Ben & Jerry’s pint-devouring monster to daintily eating four spoonfuls overnight. Sometimes you need to completely go cold turkey on a “red light” item/trigger food whilst you reprogram your guilt feelings away from the food. It works differently for everyone, but the fact remains: guilt over eating usually leads to MORE EATING.<br />
Most importantly, once you admit to yourself that, dammit, some food IS worth it, it becomes easier to define how much food is NOT worth it. All food is not created equal, and the guilt complex that is foisted upon the unhappy fats for eating leads to this reverse landslide where you consume any and all food, desperately, because you’re bad anyway, so who cares what it tastes like? Though it may feel counter-intuitive, trust me on this: admit that you like eating some things more than the illustrious idea of being thin, deal with it, and then begin the long and arduous journey to dropping your food guilt. We may never approach food “normally,” but we sure as hell can approach it with less guilt.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-66223058661988850092011-06-06T14:42:00.000-04:002011-06-06T14:42:11.982-04:00Goal met, Goal reset. 15 pounds and a marathon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJXO3RxIxhqWh2Ud58ozs6-gvVzqG8JQtXKL7aqpb6aCPDtR0yMKcnNEkVPhxi0myd0U7b3H16K1vovMZhPdzFFORnBL-hTWgjUCLytqzlA1t7HdXfLMlGEvcKF_lVvDMK062a3pq-Df4/s1600/9573221-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJXO3RxIxhqWh2Ud58ozs6-gvVzqG8JQtXKL7aqpb6aCPDtR0yMKcnNEkVPhxi0myd0U7b3H16K1vovMZhPdzFFORnBL-hTWgjUCLytqzlA1t7HdXfLMlGEvcKF_lVvDMK062a3pq-Df4/s320/9573221-large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Sorry my blogs have been sparse I have been cheating on you with another blog but the affair is over. Last week I saw a number on the scale I never thought I would see. Three years ago a picked a number out of thin air and set it as my goal. My goal has changed many times over that time but Thursday morning I saw that number. Amazingly I didn't cry. Instead I went for a run :o)<br />
<br />
The numbers don't mean much to me anymore. I am more concerned about how I feel about my body. The shape of my thigh, the curve of my bicep. The abdominal lines that peek out from my loose skin, the dip of my cleavage and strength in my body. I am more focused on the miles I log and living my life than the number on the scale but I still want that last 15. That last 15 pounds is mine. I am not happy with being average. I want to be exceptional. That last 15 for me is about control and not the number on the scale. The rest of the jiggle to my wiggle now has an eviction notice.<br />
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That brings me to my next goal. Grand Rapids Marathon. 26.2 miles. Just thinking about crossing the finish line brings tears to my eyes. I want this as badly as I want that last 15 pounds. Probably more. So I will be here more. No more cheating with other blogs, I promise.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-60742879228640760102011-06-06T14:21:00.000-04:002011-06-06T14:21:48.894-04:00I can and I did...a 25k recap :o)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrjPcOnE6nYnICndqAMiJ7qZ9eRmCa_HHz9VOC_n5USMJrM7QyMHC-n2RbD26NzOOIskt3DakPX7LBAK9sOAgDhMxoSsTYFZearTwY_u3sc2Q7n9HZpYScNW6uRjcwQtl9cRLkp3Gy9I/s1600/ScreenHunter_06+May.+20+13.09.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><br />
This is going to be long…you have been warned. You may want a snack.<br />
I have said this before and I will say it again. I have learned more about myself in the past 6 months than I have in my entire life. You would have to know me as well as the other Road Warriors do to know I am an “all or nothing” type of girl. I am like a very strong coffee, an acquired taste.<br />
The seven days prior to race day were going well. My piriformis syndrome seemed to be under control and I rocked my last long run of 8 miles in 1hr 26 minutes. Wednesday, I ran my fastest mile ever on a dare from fellow warrior Amy P. I was ready to rock!!<br />
Friday we all pranced in front of the spaghetti dinner in our Gazelle Sports outfits like true runway models. If you were there you know how completely professional we were. *wink *wink. I was also on the front page of the Grand Rapids Press. The whole page was just me. I am still overwhelmed. I have lived this so to me it is not headline news. It is reality. Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. You just have to choose your hard.<br />
So I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how my race went. About 20 minutes before the start the nerves kicked in. I am surprised someone didn’t have to push me out of the hotel kicking and screaming. I was scared. It was humid and rainy. I was about to do something that most people can’t do.<br />
I lined up with the 10:30 pacer and as the gun went off we were not moving. So many people, such excitement flowing all for a walking start. Finally we are running. I look down and I am running at about a 9:30. I knew I had to back off.<br />
I shouldn’t of backed off. I couldn’t find my high gear again. I think it was out of fear of blowing myself up and not finishing. 2 miles in I see a familiar face. It was Rick (Team Maddy). He was moving. As he flew past me I screamed 2:15, go get it. A goal I knew he wanted. 2 miles later I saw him on the side of the road helping Maddy get comfortable. I asked if she was ok and with a nod of his head he was off again.<br />
I ran into people I have run with in the past 6 months. I always asked how they were doing. Everyone I chatted with seemed to be concerned with hydrating. I felt the same. Like I couldn’t get enough water.<br />
8 miles in and I was still feeling good. If I could hold my pace I would be looking at 2 hrs 50 minutes for finish time. The rain and wind picked up. My shoes were soaked but I still managed to high five as many people as possible.<br />
Mile 10 I started to break down. I was losing my pace and I was starving. If there would of been someone with lunch on the course I would of mugged them. I started to think of my friends. People that have supported me through all of this. The ones that think I am crazy but still cheer me on. The struggle of losing weight and how far I have come. My team. My coaches. My family. I knew my husband was done running already. I was pretty out of it for 2 miles. I had to do walk/run intervals and watched my goal time slowly slip away.<br />
I came upon the zoo and was fixated on that sea monster thing. I had to laugh because I just wanted to jump in the pond and then it happened. Someone was smoking a cigar. It made me throw up. I wish I could tell you I puked on the road but it went back down as quickly as it came up.<br />
At that point I just wanted to be done. I held my grandmothers pentathlon medal and I picked up the pace. I felt like I was moving in slow motion but I was moving forward at least. Turning on to Ottawa was like seeing the gates of heaven open up. I felt like I had just won the lotto. I don’t know where the energy came from but I saw my husband (1:47..sorry I have to brag) and my legs felt light again and then I saw Coach Mike. I called upon my inner Kenyan and sprinted across the finish with a huge smile on my face.<br />
My time was 3:06. I would be lying if I told you I am happy with that. 2:45 was my goal but my bigger goal was to finish. I am setting my goal for next year right here and now. 2:30. If you don’t think I can manage that then you obviously haven’t been reading for the past 6 months. I CAN and I WILL. So can you. Whatever it is you want, GO GET IT. Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.<br />
Just remember to Run Happy.<br />
.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-13647981992760195002011-04-09T23:31:00.002-04:002011-04-09T23:31:32.810-04:00Changing the Latitude of my AttitudeHistorically, I do not play well with others. Really. I am not a morning person and I like to do things my own way. This attitude was not transferring well to my runs. Something needed to change or I was going to break.<br />
I decided to be proactive and change my outlook on running. Six months ago if you were to ask me why I was going to run the 25k my response would of been simple.<br />
“To prove I can.”<br />
That was the first problem. Who was I trying to prove it to? This mindset made running work. It made getting up at 6am for 7:30am runs seem like the stupidest idea ever. It made speed work even worse. I decided to change that. I NEEDED for this to be fun again. Small shifts made big changes. I am faster. I am smiling. I WANT to RUN. Most of all if you ask me now why I want to run 25k my answer is.<br />
“Because I can.”<br />
So what did I do? I just started to look at things from a new perspective. A few examples:<br />
<ul><li>Eat to run, don’t run to eat. I was still living in weight loss nutrition mode, not long distance. When your body is starving, you hate the world.</li>
<li>Morning runs are better than a triple espresso to start your day.</li>
<li>When it gets tough, I smile. Why not? I am sure it could be worse.</li>
<li>I turned speedwork into a game. A little race against myself.</li>
<li>I was very very very picky about my new shoes and now I run pain free.</li>
<li>I respect the distance fully. I enjoy the rush of the start, the speed of the middle miles and the struggle for the finish. I can cover the distance so why not embrace the challenge.</li>
<li>I am no longer bummed that I am not as fast as other people. I have seen so much improvement in myself that every run is a learning experience now. I will get there and someday I may just pass them. I can dream right?</li>
<li>I take gummy bears on long runs along with my GU. The irony of someone who has lost almost 200 pounds running down the street eating gummy bears make me laugh. They are a funny little fuel .</li>
<li>I promised myself to run once a week without music. It has made me lighter on my feet and the rhythm of my breathing has evened out.</li>
</ul>These are just a few things that have lightened the mental load of training for me and made running fun again. I said when I started running that if it ever stopped being fun I was done. It just took a little time for me to realize it was up to ME to make it fun again. So I say find what makes it fun for you, smile and eat some gummy bears. We are almost there <img alt=":)" class="wp-smiley" src="http://53riverbankrun.com/blog/roadwarriors/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" />Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-23798217684103854222011-02-21T12:18:00.001-05:002011-02-21T12:20:30.702-05:00Rambling, Resting and Rehydrating81 days until my first 25k.<br />
Sometimes I feel like it will be no problem, that my training will pay off and I will pace myself the 15.5 miles. Other days I am scared out of my mind. Sometimes I worry I won’t live up to the goals I have set for myself. The worry tell me that this means a lot to me.<br />
During my weight loss journey I have pushed to do things beyond what I should. I did my first Triathlon with pneumonia. 800mg of ibuprofen, 2 halls cough drops, a GU and lots of water and I made it to the finish. Last summer I worked out for 93 days straight. I rode well over 1000 miles on my bike. My chiropractor didn’t understand how I could handle the pain.<br />
Today though, I am tired. In the past 33 days I have had 2 rest days. That means on the other days I have either ran, hit the weights, worked with kettle-bells, cycled on the trainer or practiced yoga.<br />
Yesterday, I crashed and I crashed hard. I was at 3.5 miles of a 7 mile run and that was it. I regret stopping for walk breaks during the last 3.5 because I think that made the run only that much harder. It gave my legs a chance to tighten and my mind a moment to realize how good stopping would feel. I came home and slept for 4.5 hours. I drank over 150 ounces of water. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get warm, I was just so tired. My answer was poor hydration and fatigue.<br />
I know better. Our coaches, Mike and Sheila, have trained us better. Sometimes the day gets away and I am surviving on coffee instead of water. Sometimes time management isn’t my friend and I find myself finishing up loose ends at 2am and falling asleep at 4am only to be awake again at 7am.<br />
This weekend wasn’t a total loss. It’s all about learning for me. I will learn to relax and rehydrate. Oh and I ran a PR at the Heart and Sole. It wasn’t the fastest I have ever ran 3.1 miles but it was the fastest “official” 5k by over 4 minutes. My last 5k being Fifth Third Riverbank Run 2010. Most importantly it was 14 minutes faster than my very first 5k in October of 2009.<br />
This Sunday’s scheduled long run will be the longest I have ever ran. 8 miles. I am going to treat my body right this week so I can come back here and blog about how exciting and gratifying it was to hit that new distance. To push on to new mileage. This week I will not stop because I have learned once my body is in motion, it needs to stay in motion.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-48424999610593250802011-01-20T23:45:00.000-05:002011-01-20T23:45:02.955-05:00To inspire.I am pretty straight forward. I am sure if you have read back to 2008 then you know that. I have left more than half of me on a gym floor or on the streets of Greenville. I have laid it all out there. The tears, the struggles, the loose skin. The weeks without the scale moving. All of it. You know me. I don't pull punches and I speak my mind.<br />
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Lately, I have found a quiet strength. I listen more than I ever have. I listen with my eyes and not just my ears. I am overly perceptive of the way people treat me.<br />
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Before people would treat me as if the fat was contagious. I don't recall in 10 years time anyone opening a door for me other than my grandfather or my husband. When you are heavy you tend to take extra care of your appearance. You never want people to think you are fat AND don't care about how you look. Because the makeup and expensive clothes will detract from the morbid obesity, right? <br />
<br />
Now here is the problem. No matter how hard I smile at a larger person in the store or say hi they look at me oddly. Like I am no longer in the club. Being strangers, they don't know that I was however a member of the club. I often want to hug them and tell them it will be ok and then spend 6 weeks changing their life. Because trust me. No matter how happy they look. They aren't.<br />
<br />
So now my goals are about more than finishing a 210 pound weight loss. I really have the desire to inspire everyone around me. These people need a weight loss coach that has been there. They need someone that used to sit on their ass and eat loads of ice cream and smuggle cheeseburgers home from McDonald's. The struggle doesn't have to be a lonely one and I think I am finally in a place to share that.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-21454844983550257462011-01-11T23:32:00.001-05:002011-01-11T23:32:59.071-05:00Just an updated picture............<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVigabeYh6I1up9VwSKwVpwn466yg2ynBdrgNx8l0UbRTC5nmSjJ5ZaOlhCbvniN18Kg_gG2ipdpPmrw0DwA7iSyxC4qgGjbq8BSH2BPFgdmxN5qkVxTxuigbIufYR2aGT0hYGTrME7HM/s1600/tiffany.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVigabeYh6I1up9VwSKwVpwn466yg2ynBdrgNx8l0UbRTC5nmSjJ5ZaOlhCbvniN18Kg_gG2ipdpPmrw0DwA7iSyxC4qgGjbq8BSH2BPFgdmxN5qkVxTxuigbIufYR2aGT0hYGTrME7HM/s320/tiffany.jpg" width="279" /></a></div>Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-32134031148716945452011-01-07T19:14:00.000-05:002011-01-07T19:14:53.156-05:00Still working, still alive.....Just busy.<br />
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Running 20 mile weeks is hard on weight loss. The problem I have is that I am starving. Seriously, physically starving. Hangry is the word. So hungry I am actually angry.<br />
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On top of the 20 miles I run I try to hit my trainer for 10, lift weights 2 days and do a yoga and kettlebell workout in the middle of the week and pilates on Tuesday nights. I am a tired girl. The scale went up the first week of speed work but has since gone right back down. I have had to start depending on GU for long runs.<br />
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My running pace has drastically improved in the last year. I am still trying to consistently break a 10 minute mile. I know for a fact I will get there. My fastest mile to date is 9'30". My fastest half mile is 4'20". Some days I feel like a beast and other days I am just so tired. It is getting better as I get strong though. <br />
<br />
I have a time goal for my 25k. As time goes on and runs get longer we shall see if I want to adjust my goals. 18 weeks from now I will run 15.5 miles. 126 days.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-80991700977219590172010-12-15T14:35:00.000-05:002010-12-15T14:35:45.765-05:00Run Run Run Run.....Breath 25k Training has taken over my life and with that I have had to make some great adjustments on the food front. I am running, doing speedwork, lifting weights, doing pilates and yoga And spending time on my cycling trainer. My alotted points were killing me (21 on the old plan) So I decided to still count my points but if I was starving and needed to wolf down an egg or a chicken salad I would. I have been eating according to hunger so some days I get 18 points in and some days I get 28 points in. Well my my guess what?? The body likes that and has been giving up poundage. I am sitting at 18 pounds left until goal weight. A nice size 31s in J.crew jeans and a medium top.<br />
Physically I am amazed at what a few weeks of speed work and extra yoga has done. I have never felt this fit. 2 mile warm ups with half mile speed repeats were actually fun. Pilates was a breeze, even the walk out to plank push ups. That's right I can crank out push ups like a girl in boot camp. Can you tell I am excited? The number on the scale means a lot to me but more importantly I am so fit that I am impressing myself.<br />
A tshirt I saw that I need to get : "You may pass me but you won't outlast me." If you truly know me then you know how much this suites me. Promise I will be back soon. Maybe even with pictures :o)Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-33937275930892352782010-11-22T16:34:00.000-05:002010-11-22T16:34:56.723-05:00My body has a mind of it's own.Well, first off I have to say I am a Road Warrior, I will run 15.5 miles on May 14th, 2011. I was selected from hundreds. I am honored and I am terrified. With this honor comes guest appearances, required training and a lot of meetings. Last week I put in over 15 miles plus weights and yoga. Did the scale move? NO<br />
I stopped freaking out over these plateaus months ago. As long as the scale doesn't go up then I am ok. I will go weeks and weeks with no loss and then BAM, lose 4 pounds. After my most recent scale fiasco I am back to having only 21 pounds to go until my goal. This seems insane to me.I would love to have it gone sooner than later but have learned that if I am eating properly, working out like I should and living life my body lets it go when it wants to. When I started this journey I wore a size 28W and now I can wear a size 8/10 dress, medium tshirt and 10/12 pants.My goal is a 28-29 at the Buckle. I still don't feel that small on most days but I am getting there. I have realized I don't feel small because of my excess lower abdominal skin. It is truly awful. It makes me feel like a mutant. It seems it is not going to shrink anymore. It's just how my body worked out. I plan to start the removal process as soon as I have run the 25K in May with hopes of surgery next fall. For now I am me, still plugging at this healthy lifestyle thing and tackling new crazy endeavors as they come. I have,however, learned that the "New Me" is pretty damn AWESOME.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-23819989441816093682010-11-02T19:34:00.000-04:002010-11-06T17:45:14.852-04:00Dear Anonymous<dl id="comments-block"><dt class="comment-author " id="c6599383539945366448">Anonymous said... </dt>
<dd class="comment-body">You have good reason to be proud but obsessions never last and if you don't just settle into a long-term, normal, healthy lifestyle (vs. a 2 year "sprint" towards a weighht loss number) and stop weighing yourself 5 times a day, the bubble will burst and you'll gain back the weight. </dd><dd class="comment-footer"><span class="comment-timestamp"> <a href="http://skinnydontfixugly.blogspot.com/2010/10/10k-race-report-and-road-warrior-votes.html?showComment=1288380950549#c6599383539945366448" title="comment permalink"> October 29, 2010 12:35 PM </a> <span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1520791201"> <a class="comment-delete" href="http://www.blogger.com/delete-comment.g?blogID=2840271071515503158&postID=6599383539945366448" title="Delete Comment"> <img src="img/icon_delete13.gif" /></a> </span></span></dd><dd class="comment-footer"></dd><dd class="comment-footer"><span class="comment-timestamp"><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1520791201">My Response:</span></span></dd><dd class="comment-footer"><span class="comment-timestamp"><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1520791201">You are fucking crazy if you think 30 months of hard work and re-educating myself on health, nutrition and fitness is a "sprint" or crash diet. My way of life is healthy and 30 months is long term. It is a WAY OF LIFE now. I work out, plan meals and eat healthy. I go out with my family and enjoy myself. I work out because I like it. Sounds to me like you need to get your ass off the couch and "sprint" a little.</span></span></dd><dd class="comment-footer"><span class="comment-timestamp"><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-1520791201"><a class="comment-delete" href="http://www.blogger.com/delete-comment.g?blogID=2840271071515503158&postID=6599383539945366448" title="Delete Comment"> </a> </span> </span> </dd></dl>Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-61471211637196070872010-10-25T16:46:00.000-04:002010-10-25T16:49:35.010-04:0010K Race Report and Road Warrior Votes NEEDEDSaturday I tackled my very first 10k. My average pace lately has been between 10'44" and 11'30" so I really didn't know what to expect. I had set goals in my head. Two months ago I told my husband I just wanted to finish. And then I said I wanted under 1hr 13min. Fast forward and I wanted under 1hr 12min then my more recent goal became 1hr 9min.<br />
The 6.2 miles starts off on a dirt trail on the golf course for about a quarter mile then a quick turn onto the road. I went out fast with an 8'30" pace due to excitement but quickly settled into a 10'30" pace while we worked up hill for the first 2 miles. It was a beautiful day. The first few turns took us through areas of town that were industrial and then we turned onto my brother's road. I smiled from ear to ear when I saw his girlfriend on the porch cheering me on right before mile 3. It was a nice boost and I gave her a thumbs up. We worked down the road to a board walk that runs along the river for a quick out and back for the 4th mile. First down hill and then up. At mile 4 there was a water station that I was thrilled to see. I slowed to a power walk to take in some water and then I was off. I know the race director personally so I knew at mile 5 we were going to start working up hill, drastically up hill. For 3/4 of a mile I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. That was the hardest hill I have ever ran and by the time I reached the top it was pouring rain. The rain felt good actually and helped revive me a little. At mile 6 we turned back onto the dirt trail and ran up to the golf course fairway and to the finish line. I have never been so happy to see a finish line in my life. 1 hour and 10 minutes after I started I was officially a 10k runner. I ran the whole way except the 1 water station that I power walked through. I haven't mastered the run and drink thing yet. <br />
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Now the important part. I NEED VOTES!!!!! I am a top 20 finalist to become a Road Warrior and I really want this :o) If you would follow the link and vote for Tiffany Duffield I would be ever so grateful. xoxoxox<br />
<a href="http://www.53riverbankrun.com/participants/road-warrior-vote.php">http://www.53riverbankrun.com/participants/road-warrior-vote.php</a>Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-62736686579228663672010-10-20T15:02:00.000-04:002010-10-20T15:02:02.087-04:00A hop, skip and a jump.....nervous jitters :o)In 2.5 days I will be running in my first 10K. I am ready. I ran 6 miles last Sunday in 1hr 6 min. I ran 2 yesterday at a 10:44 pace and will run 4 miles of hills tomorrow. Stretch, foam roller, yoga and hydrate. I am ready.<br />
Tomorrow the calls go out to the 5/3rd Road Warrior Finalists. I am scared out of my mind. Nervous, anxious and kinda flipping out. If my phone rings I need to interview on November 3rd for a final spot. I want my phone to ring because I want to run 15.5 miles. I have decided that even if I don't get a spot that I am going to train for the run. Crazy, I know.<br />
Two of my girls ran the Children's Marathon in GR last weekend. My oldest ditched us to go to a fall party with Grandma. Aspen (7) and Chloe (5) ran the entire 1.2 miles. I was so proud. They even managed about a 10:44 pace. I have ever seen such determination on a 5 year olds face in my entire life.<br />
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I learned a few things this week:<br />
<ul><li>When taking Metamucil there is a huge difference between a tablespoon and a teaspoon.</li>
<li>My girls have as much determination as their momma :o)</li>
<li>I am addicted to Spice Oatmeal with diced apple and sugar free cool whip.</li>
<li>Some people don't understand why I work so hard and never will. Wasting my breath is pointless.</li>
<li>Without my husband's faith in me I don't know how far on this journey I would of made it.</li>
</ul>Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2840271071515503158.post-76806585350863175842010-10-04T14:35:00.000-04:002010-10-04T14:35:12.161-04:00One step at a time...That's what I tell myself when I am running. One step at a time. I ran 5 miles yesterday, straight through. My dad used to say "It's just one foot in front of the other".<br />
The thing about running is that it's just you and your thoughts. When I am on my bike I feel free, I move fast and I zone out. Running is so much harder for me, my mind wonders in a different way.<br />
Yesterday I thought about where I have been and where I am going on this journey. I am a changed person but I am the same in so many ways. I didn't magically gain the ability to control my cravings and run overnight. 30 months. I have been pushing through, struggling and striving for 30 months. People say I should be proud of what I have done. I am. People see me working out and wonder how I work that hard every day. I have to. I have to because even though I am smaller, fitter, healthier these are the things I still think:<br />
<ul><li>Will I be able to fit?</li>
<li> Am I the biggest girl in the room?</li>
<li>Can people see my loose skin?</li>
</ul>Things get easier but the mindset of a big girl is still there. In the same moment that I hope for tasty and delicious foods at get togethers I fear that same food. I have triggers that send me into mindless eating overdrive. More often than not I can control myself but sometimes I just want to cry. I see naturally thin people standing around the bag of LAY'S and devouring the dip without even thinking. Cheesy chili dips, cookies, chocolate, fresh baked breads, anything sauteed, grilled and most definitely barbecued. I don't have cravings for these things but if I get a taste I may not stop. Just like a recovering alcoholic, I will always be in recovery.<br />
Remember this as you read my blog. I may be healthy and thinner now. I may write about 5 mile runs and 50 mile bike rides but deep down I am still that girl. I struggle and fight, I count my points and work out 6 days a week. I can run 5 miles and I have done it all one step at a time.Tiffanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18433636999340796312noreply@blogger.com1