Skinny Don't Fix Ugly

So, um, you still struggle??

2011-09-07T23:25:00.000-04:00

This question has been weighing on my mind all day. Someone asked me the very same thing last night.
I just think...uh, yeah, food is good. I am a recovering food addict. I get tired. Tired of logging my food. I mean how many times can you write down your food? Tired of working out...the word "work" is in there for a reason. Tired of making healthy choices but then I remember.
I remember the girl who couldn't tie her own shoes. Couldn't walk a mile without wanting to die. The girl who hid oreos in the couch as a chubby little child. I have battles and demons and reasons and excuses but I shut that bitch up with a good work out.
I can't go back there. I am not that person anymore. I know that and I choose to make good choices but I still dream of and endless supply of M&M's and a cherry coke. My struggle is my own but it is the same for many many people out there. So I guess it's not really a struggle but I have to be in the present about my choices and actions. I choose to eat one serving and not the whole shabang :o) Shabang being a 5 lb cheesecake ;o)
Today I also went with my mother to buy a scale. She hasn't weighed herself in a long time and I have been pleading with her to get healthy. Just looking at the scales made my palms sweat. My scale and I have a nice understanding. We love each other. I do my part and it reports back kindly. I don't want to cheat on my scale.
Anyway she had been telling me what she weighs and I had been calling bullshit (tough love right?). Late tonight I got a phone call. She weighed about 40 lbs more than what she thought. How does that happen?? Easy. We eat. We make excuses. We buy bigger pants blaming the manufacturer for a funny "cut". We struggle. My hope is that she is ready to listen. Because if there is anything I have learned during this journey it is that we don't have to struggle alone.

Paying it forward..

2011-09-07T13:16:00.000-04:00

As time has gone on I have picked up clients interested in losing weight and getting healthy. I never thought I would be the crazy woman preaching at people what not to put in their mouths and telling them to move their asses. I mean hell some days I have to yell at myself to move MY ass.
Speaking of my ass. I just purchased a wonderful pair of size 8 petite dress slacks. I love them. I think I secretly used to dream of them while I was inhaling cheeseburgers like I was Joey Chestnut at an eating competition. Those dress slacks make me feel wonderful. That is the feeling I want to share with the people I am helping. The joy of meeting new goals. The strength and confidence to finish what they started. The ability to look back and laugh, cry and grimace at what they went through but to look forward with nothing but excitement .
I have set some lofty goals for next year. I may need my head examined. I have the constant need to set a goal, push to the goal and attain the goal. So next year it will be an Iron Man 70.3. AND, I am going to race road bikes.
I have an adrenaline problem. I probably need a 12 step program to get over my need for speed on two wheels. Matter of fact I got the coolest compliment from a good friend and former pain in the ass running coach. He says " You ride like a guy" hahah. I love that. It is true. I am fearless, aggressive and fast. It is my strength.
We all have that strength. It may not be on 2 skinny wheels but we all have it somewhere. Running, yoga, cycling, swimming, boxing...there is something that will click. It will just feel good. It will make you feel good about your self and when we feel good we make better choices. Food choices and life choices. So I urge you to go out and find your physical activity that makes you feel good and then share it with a friend.

Fickle Friends

2011-08-19T15:21:00.000-04:00

I am not a very open person. It takes me a long time to open up. I am mouthy and have a hard exterior. This is only because once I consider you a friend you are a friend for life.
Few people know my whole story, few know where the hardness comes from. The ones that do know don't question it. They roll with the punches.
Recently I handed my heart to a group of people with great apprehension. I know better. People are fickle. They change their loyalties with the blink of a trend. As I expected the minute my life got hectic and I had to focus on me and my family they quickly disappeared. Fickle.
The experience only makes me mad at myself. Mad for trusting and opening up my heart. This anger has translated into some amazing work outs though. I have so much pent up frustration I just ignore the burn in my legs. I am in the best shape I have ever been in my life.
In the last month my family also lost someone very close. A man that I have know my whole life and that was my father's best friend. Red was his name. Uncle Red. I never new him by anything else. He is gone. He had been suffering from Parkinson's for a long time so his death was bitter sweet and hurt horribly. He was my dad's friend for life. Never Fickle.
I know this is a weight loss blog so maybe it will help to read how I use the pain to push myself. The time on the road is better than therapy for me. It is fuel for my fire. What fuels you?

Bloggity Blog blog

2011-07-18T14:23:00.000-04:00

I spend all these crazy hours every week riding, running and lifting. While I am doing so I always come up with these brilliant blog ideas. It never fails that by the time I pull in the driveway and hear my children bugging and whining that my mind goes blank.
I will just be honest and tell you where I am. I am fighting tooth and nail trying to get the scale to move 14 more pounds. And to be honest I was hoping this saggy fat filled kangaroo pouch would of diminished more but it hasn't. I am terrified of the surgery to remove it. Even more terrified of the 6-8 weeks of not being able to work out.
While training for the 25k I had to greatly increase my carbs and overall calorie intake. When I strapped on the feed bag I quickly had an amazing burst of energy but the scale stopped moving. About 2 weeks into eating like a pro wrestler and I got tired. I didn't want to run and the scale started to go up. Back to the books.
I quickly discovered that eating the extra carbs made me exhausted and gain weight. I kept reading how endurance athletes would store the carbs as fuel reserves for when the body needed them. I was storing all right but even running 30 miles a week I wasn't getting rid of them.
I dropped the carbs...stepped away from the bagels and oatmeal..and started to feel a million times better. This probably doesn't work for everyone. I am sure most people can't ride 20 miles on nothing more than and apple and hard boiled egg but that is when I feel the best. I don't know why and at this point I am not going to mess with it because the scale is moving again.
More importantly athletically I am a beast. I don't get cocky about much but I have been working my ass off on my bike. I can consistently hit 15 miles of hills at almost 20mph. No pack riding, just my husband and I. There is a spoof race here of 30 miles, a few good climbs and donut stops of 10 miles. I never thought I would say this but my goal is to place top 3 in my age group. I may even be going for the win unless some Pros show up.
So there it is, nothing profound. Nothing overly funny.Just me. Still working on me.

The wheels on my bike go round and round...

2011-06-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

I hit my first 100 mile week for the year :o) Mostly cycling but some running. I have been having a foot issue so the running has been light. Since the foot pain is starting to fade I plan on ramping back up the running mileage soon. As much as I want to finish full marathon I have decided on GR Half.

This choice was totally selfish. Long endurance runs don't help me lose weight or tone up. Mostly because you need to eat to run. I am surprised runners don't wear feed bags like race horses. I have never experienced such hunger. I would probably beat someone for a snickers after most 10 milers.
So since I am on a mission to not only hit my goal weight but to try to reduce body fat I am only willing to train for the half .The full will come in time. The jiggly bits need to go now.

I finally succumbed to the lure of a Jillian Michaels DVD. Yoga Meltdown since P90x yoga was starting to get old and Funky Buddha is an hour away. I did level 1 and it was ok. I am so used to Tony Horton that anything else just seems so easy. I broke a nice sweat and it was a good stretch. I still love her and am hoping level 2 is a little harder.

Besides the half marathon I am not making any plans or setting anything in stone. I am just enjoying the freedom of summer. I am even going to float down the river in a bathing suite a few times. Being comfortable in my own skin has definitely opened up whole new world and I am loving every bit of it.

Worst Diet Mantra EVER!

2011-06-15T14:09:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Kate Moss we have been hearing it for years. To me it is like nails on a chalk board.

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

Obviously she has never ate things such as a really good gelato, the first grilled sweet corn of the season ,baklava or a fresh tomato off the vine. I mean seriously. Food tastes good.

I m not saying being thin doesn't feel good. Even with 15 more pounds to lose I am relatively a thin person now. Average. I have curves and muscles but I am not where I was and it feels great. The strength , energy, confidence and athleticism all feel amazing.

The thing is, when you have food issues, mantras like Ms. Moss’s ode to anorexic chain smokers do nothing but make us feel out of control, guilty and fatter than ever. The gorgeous supermodel is telling me I shouldn’t be enjoying this slice of cheesecake more than being a size six (or four, or two). WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!?! Nothing – you enjoy food. How else do you think you ended up overweight, and Moss ended up an underweight poster child of the size zero revolution?

One of the biggest challenges — and breakthroughs — for me was to STOP FEELING GUILTY ABOUT EATING. Yes, I have will power to a certain extent, but the moments where it fails me doesn’t make me a failure. A certain self-awareness about eating is necessary – you can’t let yourself off the hook indulging all the time. But in the “everything in moderation” moments where you indulge and — God forbid! – actually enjoy the taste of something MORE THAN YOU WANT TO BE THIN — if you guilt trip yourself? It becomes a negative-feedback loop of doom. Trying to police yourself on eating culminates in your eating more than you ever would if you had a healthier, less-guilty attitude towards food. It’s difficult to accept. It seems so wrong. Counter-intuitive. What do you mean, I shouldn’t feel guilty about eating ice cream? Ice cream is… bad.
Reprogram yourself. Eating ice cream is not bad. Eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting? Yeah, that’s probably bad (but even that you should be able to let go of, in time). But if you let go of the guilt of eating a normal serving, heck – maybe even TWO, of your favorite, super delicious “better than thin feels” ice cream and then actually eat that – normal serving size – on a regular basis, you may find your overwhelming, emotional need to devour an entire carton diminishes.

Then again, you also have to know yourself, and realize we don’t have an automatic reset button. You’re not going to go from being a Ben & Jerry’s pint-devouring monster to daintily eating four spoonfuls overnight. Sometimes you need to completely go cold turkey on a “red light” item/trigger food whilst you reprogram your guilt feelings away from the food. It works differently for everyone, but the fact remains: guilt over eating usually leads to MORE EATING.
Most importantly, once you admit to yourself that, dammit, some food IS worth it, it becomes easier to define how much food is NOT worth it. All food is not created equal, and the guilt complex that is foisted upon the unhappy fats for eating leads to this reverse landslide where you consume any and all food, desperately, because you’re bad anyway, so who cares what it tastes like? Though it may feel counter-intuitive, trust me on this: admit that you like eating some things more than the illustrious idea of being thin, deal with it, and then begin the long and arduous journey to dropping your food guilt. We may never approach food “normally,” but we sure as hell can approach it with less guilt.

Goal met, Goal reset. 15 pounds and a marathon

2011-06-06T14:42:00.000-04:00

Sorry my blogs have been sparse I have been cheating on you with another blog but the affair is over. Last week I saw a number on the scale I never thought I would see. Three years ago a picked a number out of thin air and set it as my goal. My goal has changed many times over that time but Thursday morning I saw that number. Amazingly I didn't cry. Instead I went for a run :o)

The numbers don't mean much to me anymore. I am more concerned about how I feel about my body. The shape of my thigh, the curve of my bicep. The abdominal lines that peek out from my loose skin, the dip of my cleavage and strength in my body. I am more focused on the miles I log and living my life than the number on the scale but I still want that last 15. That last 15 pounds is mine. I am not happy with being average. I want to be exceptional. That last 15 for me is about control and not the number on the scale. The rest of the jiggle to my wiggle now has an eviction notice.

That brings me to my next goal. Grand Rapids Marathon. 26.2 miles. Just thinking about crossing the finish line brings tears to my eyes. I want this as badly as I want that last 15 pounds. Probably more. So I will be here more. No more cheating with other blogs, I promise.

I can and I did...a 25k recap :o)

2011-06-06T14:21:00.000-04:00

This is going to be long…you have been warned. You may want a snack.
I have said this before and I will say it again. I have learned more about myself in the past 6 months than I have in my entire life. You would have to know me as well as the other Road Warriors do to know I am an “all or nothing” type of girl. I am like a very strong coffee, an acquired taste.
The seven days prior to race day were going well. My piriformis syndrome seemed to be under control and I rocked my last long run of 8 miles in 1hr 26 minutes. Wednesday, I ran my fastest mile ever on a dare from fellow warrior Amy P. I was ready to rock!!
Friday we all pranced in front of the spaghetti dinner in our Gazelle Sports outfits like true runway models. If you were there you know how completely professional we were. *wink *wink. I was also on the front page of the Grand Rapids Press. The whole page was just me. I am still overwhelmed. I have lived this so to me it is not headline news. It is reality. Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard. You just have to choose your hard.
So I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how my race went. About 20 minutes before the start the nerves kicked in. I am surprised someone didn’t have to push me out of the hotel kicking and screaming. I was scared. It was humid and rainy. I was about to do something that most people can’t do.
I lined up with the 10:30 pacer and as the gun went off we were not moving. So many people, such excitement flowing all for a walking start. Finally we are running. I look down and I am running at about a 9:30. I knew I had to back off.
I shouldn’t of backed off. I couldn’t find my high gear again. I think it was out of fear of blowing myself up and not finishing. 2 miles in I see a familiar face. It was Rick (Team Maddy). He was moving. As he flew past me I screamed 2:15, go get it. A goal I knew he wanted. 2 miles later I saw him on the side of the road helping Maddy get comfortable. I asked if she was ok and with a nod of his head he was off again.
I ran into people I have run with in the past 6 months. I always asked how they were doing. Everyone I chatted with seemed to be concerned with hydrating. I felt the same. Like I couldn’t get enough water.
8 miles in and I was still feeling good. If I could hold my pace I would be looking at 2 hrs 50 minutes for finish time. The rain and wind picked up. My shoes were soaked but I still managed to high five as many people as possible.
Mile 10 I started to break down. I was losing my pace and I was starving. If there would of been someone with lunch on the course I would of mugged them. I started to think of my friends. People that have supported me through all of this. The ones that think I am crazy but still cheer me on. The struggle of losing weight and how far I have come. My team. My coaches. My family. I knew my husband was done running already. I was pretty out of it for 2 miles. I had to do walk/run intervals and watched my goal time slowly slip away.
I came upon the zoo and was fixated on that sea monster thing. I had to laugh because I just wanted to jump in the pond and then it happened. Someone was smoking a cigar. It made me throw up. I wish I could tell you I puked on the road but it went back down as quickly as it came up.
At that point I just wanted to be done. I held my grandmothers pentathlon medal and I picked up the pace. I felt like I was moving in slow motion but I was moving forward at least. Turning on to Ottawa was like seeing the gates of heaven open up. I felt like I had just won the lotto. I don’t know where the energy came from but I saw my husband (1:47..sorry I have to brag) and my legs felt light again and then I saw Coach Mike. I called upon my inner Kenyan and sprinted across the finish with a huge smile on my face.
My time was 3:06. I would be lying if I told you I am happy with that. 2:45 was my goal but my bigger goal was to finish. I am setting my goal for next year right here and now. 2:30. If you don’t think I can manage that then you obviously haven’t been reading for the past 6 months. I CAN and I WILL. So can you. Whatever it is you want, GO GET IT. Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
Just remember to Run Happy.
.

Changing the Latitude of my Attitude

2011-04-09T23:31:00.002-04:00

Historically, I do not play well with others. Really. I am not a morning person and I like to do things my own way. This attitude was not transferring well to my runs. Something needed to change or I was going to break.
I decided to be proactive and change my outlook on running. Six months ago if you were to ask me why I was going to run the 25k my response would of been simple.
“To prove I can.”
That was the first problem. Who was I trying to prove it to? This mindset made running work. It made getting up at 6am for 7:30am runs seem like the stupidest idea ever. It made speed work even worse. I decided to change that. I NEEDED for this to be fun again. Small shifts made big changes. I am faster. I am smiling. I WANT to RUN. Most of all if you ask me now why I want to run 25k my answer is.
“Because I can.”
So what did I do? I just started to look at things from a new perspective. A few examples:

Eat to run, don’t run to eat. I was still living in weight loss nutrition mode, not long distance. When your body is starving, you hate the world.
Morning runs are better than a triple espresso to start your day.
When it gets tough, I smile. Why not? I am sure it could be worse.
I turned speedwork into a game. A little race against myself.
I was very very very picky about my new shoes and now I run pain free.
I respect the distance fully. I enjoy the rush of the start, the speed of the middle miles and the struggle for the finish. I can cover the distance so why not embrace the challenge.
I am no longer bummed that I am not as fast as other people. I have seen so much improvement in myself that every run is a learning experience now. I will get there and someday I may just pass them. I can dream right?
I take gummy bears on long runs along with my GU. The irony of someone who has lost almost 200 pounds running down the street eating gummy bears make me laugh. They are a funny little fuel .
I promised myself to run once a week without music. It has made me lighter on my feet and the rhythm of my breathing has evened out.

These are just a few things that have lightened the mental load of training for me and made running fun again. I said when I started running that if it ever stopped being fun I was done. It just took a little time for me to realize it was up to ME to make it fun again. So I say find what makes it fun for you, smile and eat some gummy bears. We are almost there

Rambling, Resting and Rehydrating

2011-02-21T12:18:00.001-05:00

81 days until my first 25k.
Sometimes I feel like it will be no problem, that my training will pay off and I will pace myself the 15.5 miles. Other days I am scared out of my mind. Sometimes I worry I won’t live up to the goals I have set for myself. The worry tell me that this means a lot to me.
During my weight loss journey I have pushed to do things beyond what I should. I did my first Triathlon with pneumonia. 800mg of ibuprofen, 2 halls cough drops, a GU and lots of water and I made it to the finish. Last summer I worked out for 93 days straight. I rode well over 1000 miles on my bike. My chiropractor didn’t understand how I could handle the pain.
Today though, I am tired. In the past 33 days I have had 2 rest days. That means on the other days I have either ran, hit the weights, worked with kettle-bells, cycled on the trainer or practiced yoga.
Yesterday, I crashed and I crashed hard. I was at 3.5 miles of a 7 mile run and that was it. I regret stopping for walk breaks during the last 3.5 because I think that made the run only that much harder. It gave my legs a chance to tighten and my mind a moment to realize how good stopping would feel. I came home and slept for 4.5 hours. I drank over 150 ounces of water. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get warm, I was just so tired. My answer was poor hydration and fatigue.
I know better. Our coaches, Mike and Sheila, have trained us better. Sometimes the day gets away and I am surviving on coffee instead of water. Sometimes time management isn’t my friend and I find myself finishing up loose ends at 2am and falling asleep at 4am only to be awake again at 7am.
This weekend wasn’t a total loss. It’s all about learning for me. I will learn to relax and rehydrate. Oh and I ran a PR at the Heart and Sole. It wasn’t the fastest I have ever ran 3.1 miles but it was the fastest “official” 5k by over 4 minutes. My last 5k being Fifth Third Riverbank Run 2010. Most importantly it was 14 minutes faster than my very first 5k in October of 2009.
This Sunday’s scheduled long run will be the longest I have ever ran. 8 miles. I am going to treat my body right this week so I can come back here and blog about how exciting and gratifying it was to hit that new distance. To push on to new mileage. This week I will not stop because I have learned once my body is in motion, it needs to stay in motion.

To inspire.

2011-01-20T23:45:00.000-05:00

I am pretty straight forward. I am sure if you have read back to 2008 then you know that. I have left more than half of me on a gym floor or on the streets of Greenville. I have laid it all out there. The tears, the struggles, the loose skin. The weeks without the scale moving. All of it. You know me. I don't pull punches and I speak my mind.

Lately, I have found a quiet strength. I listen more than I ever have. I listen with my eyes and not just my ears. I am overly perceptive of the way people treat me.

Before people would treat me as if the fat was contagious. I don't recall in 10 years time anyone opening a door for me other than my grandfather or my husband. When you are heavy you tend to take extra care of your appearance. You never want people to think you are fat AND don't care about how you look. Because the makeup and expensive clothes will detract from the morbid obesity, right?

Now here is the problem. No matter how hard I smile at a larger person in the store or say hi they look at me oddly. Like I am no longer in the club. Being strangers, they don't know that I was however a member of the club. I often want to hug them and tell them it will be ok and then spend 6 weeks changing their life. Because trust me. No matter how happy they look. They aren't.

So now my goals are about more than finishing a 210 pound weight loss. I really have the desire to inspire everyone around me. These people need a weight loss coach that has been there. They need someone that used to sit on their ass and eat loads of ice cream and smuggle cheeseburgers home from McDonald's. The struggle doesn't have to be a lonely one and I think I am finally in a place to share that.

Just an updated picture............

2011-01-11T23:32:00.001-05:00

Still working, still alive.....

2011-01-07T19:14:00.000-05:00

Just busy.

Running 20 mile weeks is hard on weight loss. The problem I have is that I am starving. Seriously, physically starving. Hangry is the word. So hungry I am actually angry.

On top of the 20 miles I run I try to hit my trainer for 10, lift weights 2 days and do a yoga and kettlebell workout in the middle of the week and pilates on Tuesday nights. I am a tired girl. The scale went up the first week of speed work but has since gone right back down. I have had to start depending on GU for long runs.

My running pace has drastically improved in the last year. I am still trying to consistently break a 10 minute mile. I know for a fact I will get there. My fastest mile to date is 9'30". My fastest half mile is 4'20". Some days I feel like a beast and other days I am just so tired. It is getting better as I get strong though.

I have a time goal for my 25k. As time goes on and runs get longer we shall see if I want to adjust my goals. 18 weeks from now I will run 15.5 miles. 126 days.

Run Run Run Run.....Breath

2010-12-15T14:35:00.000-05:00

25k Training has taken over my life and with that I have had to make some great adjustments on the food front. I am running, doing speedwork, lifting weights, doing pilates and yoga And spending time on my cycling trainer. My alotted points were killing me (21 on the old plan) So I decided to still count my points but if I was starving and needed to wolf down an egg or a chicken salad I would. I have been eating according to hunger so some days I get 18 points in and some days I get 28 points in. Well my my guess what?? The body likes that and has been giving up poundage. I am sitting at 18 pounds left until goal weight. A nice size 31s in J.crew jeans and a medium top.
Physically I am amazed at what a few weeks of speed work and extra yoga has done. I have never felt this fit. 2 mile warm ups with half mile speed repeats were actually fun. Pilates was a breeze, even the walk out to plank push ups. That's right I can crank out push ups like a girl in boot camp. Can you tell I am excited? The number on the scale means a lot to me but more importantly I am so fit that I am impressing myself.
A tshirt I saw that I need to get : "You may pass me but you won't outlast me." If you truly know me then you know how much this suites me. Promise I will be back soon. Maybe even with pictures :o)

My body has a mind of it's own.

2010-11-22T16:34:00.000-05:00

Well, first off I have to say I am a Road Warrior, I will run 15.5 miles on May 14th, 2011. I was selected from hundreds. I am honored and I am terrified. With this honor comes guest appearances, required training and a lot of meetings. Last week I put in over 15 miles plus weights and yoga. Did the scale move? NO
I stopped freaking out over these plateaus months ago. As long as the scale doesn't go up then I am ok. I will go weeks and weeks with no loss and then BAM, lose 4 pounds. After my most recent scale fiasco I am back to having only 21 pounds to go until my goal. This seems insane to me.I would love to have it gone sooner than later but have learned that if I am eating properly, working out like I should and living life my body lets it go when it wants to. When I started this journey I wore a size 28W and now I can wear a size 8/10 dress, medium tshirt and 10/12 pants.My goal is a 28-29 at the Buckle. I still don't feel that small on most days but I am getting there. I have realized I don't feel small because of my excess lower abdominal skin. It is truly awful. It makes me feel like a mutant. It seems it is not going to shrink anymore. It's just how my body worked out. I plan to start the removal process as soon as I have run the 25K in May with hopes of surgery next fall. For now I am me, still plugging at this healthy lifestyle thing and tackling new crazy endeavors as they come. I have,however, learned that the "New Me" is pretty damn AWESOME.

Dear Anonymous

2010-11-02T19:34:00.000-04:00

Anonymous said...: You have good reason to be proud but obsessions never last and if you don't just settle into a long-term, normal, healthy lifestyle (vs. a 2 year "sprint" towards a weighht loss number) and stop weighing yourself 5 times a day, the bubble will burst and you'll gain back the weight.; October 29, 2010 12:35 PM; My Response:; You are fucking crazy if you think 30 months of hard work and re-educating myself on health, nutrition and fitness is a "sprint" or crash diet. My way of life is healthy and 30 months is long term. It is a WAY OF LIFE now. I work out, plan meals and eat healthy. I go out with my family and enjoy myself. I work out because I like it. Sounds to me like you need to get your ass off the couch and "sprint" a little.

10K Race Report and Road Warrior Votes NEEDED

2010-10-25T16:46:00.000-04:00

Saturday I tackled my very first 10k. My average pace lately has been between 10'44" and 11'30" so I really didn't know what to expect. I had set goals in my head. Two months ago I told my husband I just wanted to finish. And then I said I wanted under 1hr 13min. Fast forward and I wanted under 1hr 12min then my more recent goal became 1hr 9min.
The 6.2 miles starts off on a dirt trail on the golf course for about a quarter mile then a quick turn onto the road. I went out fast with an 8'30" pace due to excitement but quickly settled into a 10'30" pace while we worked up hill for the first 2 miles. It was a beautiful day. The first few turns took us through areas of town that were industrial and then we turned onto my brother's road. I smiled from ear to ear when I saw his girlfriend on the porch cheering me on right before mile 3. It was a nice boost and I gave her a thumbs up. We worked down the road to a board walk that runs along the river for a quick out and back for the 4th mile. First down hill and then up. At mile 4 there was a water station that I was thrilled to see. I slowed to a power walk to take in some water and then I was off. I know the race director personally so I knew at mile 5 we were going to start working up hill, drastically up hill. For 3/4 of a mile I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. That was the hardest hill I have ever ran and by the time I reached the top it was pouring rain. The rain felt good actually and helped revive me a little. At mile 6 we turned back onto the dirt trail and ran up to the golf course fairway and to the finish line. I have never been so happy to see a finish line in my life. 1 hour and 10 minutes after I started I was officially a 10k runner. I ran the whole way except the 1 water station that I power walked through. I haven't mastered the run and drink thing yet.

Now the important part. I NEED VOTES!!!!! I am a top 20 finalist to become a Road Warrior and I really want this :o) If you would follow the link and vote for Tiffany Duffield I would be ever so grateful. xoxoxox
http://www.53riverbankrun.com/participants/road-warrior-vote.php

A hop, skip and a jump.....nervous jitters :o)

2010-10-20T15:02:00.000-04:00

In 2.5 days I will be running in my first 10K. I am ready. I ran 6 miles last Sunday in 1hr 6 min. I ran 2 yesterday at a 10:44 pace and will run 4 miles of hills tomorrow. Stretch, foam roller, yoga and hydrate. I am ready.
Tomorrow the calls go out to the 5/3rd Road Warrior Finalists. I am scared out of my mind. Nervous, anxious and kinda flipping out. If my phone rings I need to interview on November 3rd for a final spot. I want my phone to ring because I want to run 15.5 miles. I have decided that even if I don't get a spot that I am going to train for the run. Crazy, I know.
Two of my girls ran the Children's Marathon in GR last weekend. My oldest ditched us to go to a fall party with Grandma. Aspen (7) and Chloe (5) ran the entire 1.2 miles. I was so proud. They even managed about a 10:44 pace. I have ever seen such determination on a 5 year olds face in my entire life.

I learned a few things this week:

When taking Metamucil there is a huge difference between a tablespoon and a teaspoon.
My girls have as much determination as their momma :o)
I am addicted to Spice Oatmeal with diced apple and sugar free cool whip.
Some people don't understand why I work so hard and never will. Wasting my breath is pointless.
Without my husband's faith in me I don't know how far on this journey I would of made it.

One step at a time...

2010-10-04T14:35:00.000-04:00

That's what I tell myself when I am running. One step at a time. I ran 5 miles yesterday, straight through. My dad used to say "It's just one foot in front of the other".
The thing about running is that it's just you and your thoughts. When I am on my bike I feel free, I move fast and I zone out. Running is so much harder for me, my mind wonders in a different way.
Yesterday I thought about where I have been and where I am going on this journey. I am a changed person but I am the same in so many ways. I didn't magically gain the ability to control my cravings and run overnight. 30 months. I have been pushing through, struggling and striving for 30 months. People say I should be proud of what I have done. I am. People see me working out and wonder how I work that hard every day. I have to. I have to because even though I am smaller, fitter, healthier these are the things I still think:

Will I be able to fit?
Am I the biggest girl in the room?
Can people see my loose skin?

Things get easier but the mindset of a big girl is still there. In the same moment that I hope for tasty and delicious foods at get togethers I fear that same food. I have triggers that send me into mindless eating overdrive. More often than not I can control myself but sometimes I just want to cry. I see naturally thin people standing around the bag of LAY'S and devouring the dip without even thinking. Cheesy chili dips, cookies, chocolate, fresh baked breads, anything sauteed, grilled and most definitely barbecued. I don't have cravings for these things but if I get a taste I may not stop. Just like a recovering alcoholic, I will always be in recovery.
Remember this as you read my blog. I may be healthy and thinner now. I may write about 5 mile runs and 50 mile bike rides but deep down I am still that girl. I struggle and fight, I count my points and work out 6 days a week. I can run 5 miles and I have done it all one step at a time.

5/3rd...What am I thinking?

2010-10-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

Fifth Third River Bank Run just opened the application process for Road Warriors. It is a race ambassador position. To inspire others to run and represent the race. I would love to inspire others to run and get healthy. And yet I am terrified they are going to choose me. 25k= 15 miles. That is a lot of miles. Here is the letter I sent:

"I always joked that if you saw me running it was only because something was chasing me. I never thought I would be a runner. I never imagined I would get a high off of hitting a new distance or beating my previous time. I never thought this was possible because just 2 years ago I as 200 pounds over weight. I was a 29 year old wife and mother of 3 girls and I could not walk up my stairs without getting winded. I was depressed and unhealthy. One day I woke up and decided to change my life. I started off on an elliptical and slowly began jogging in 10 second intervals. It was so hard. Everything hurt, I cried over what I had done to my body. As the weight started to come off I felt better, my confidence soared and I signed up for my first 5k. That 5k changed my life. That race made me a runner. I am not fast and it is not pretty but I am a runner. Now I am 187 pounds lighter and I encourage everyone to run. I truly believe the mental strength it takes to run long distances enhances all aspects of your life. Currently I am running 10k distance but I know I have the determination to run 25k. Running saved my life and I would love to represent the 5/3rd River Bank Run an inspire others to run."

The F*%#ing Scale

2010-09-24T16:39:00.000-04:00

I am a chronic weigh-er. Like 3 times a day. It's a bad habit but it has carried me this far. I like to know exactly what I weigh. I make special note to hop my ass on that bitch after I run to see how dehydrated I am. I do worry about losing too much water. ok, whatever that's not the point.
This morning I get up, go to the bathroom, do my business and hop on the scale. BOING! That was the sound of the spring breaking. Yes my scale was old school, analog..dial style if you will. And that damn thing gave out on me this morning. Now 180+ pounds ago I would of thought my fat ass broke it but I know it is from over use.
After a coffee break with some friends I headed to the store to replace my old reliable scale. Standing there staring I settled on a digital, body fat, hydration level know it all scale.
Let me tell you. This expensive piece of shit is a little too honest for me. I gained a few pounds on it. It obviously doesn't respect me like my old scale did. Now I am going to have to break it in and teach it who is boss. I don't like those extra few pounds it tells me about. I really didn't like the fact that my hydration was only 39%.
The sunny side of the situation is that I got on and off that scale three times and it said the EXACT same thing. So even though it seems to have an attitude at least it is consistent.

Ahh The comfort of Weight Watchers

2010-09-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

The ups and downs of weight loss can be mentally exhausting. A few months back I hit a plateau and decided to shake things up a bit. I cut carbs by a LOT! Increased my protein by a LOT. At first this worked, it kinda shocked my body into losing but at the end of the day I still sat there and compared my intake to my "points". LOL, a habit I can't shake. Well lately as my allotted points have gone down I have found it harder to eat low carb and stay in points. Often I was going over and not losing like I should be. SO I am going to shake it up again and go back to high fiber, low fat. I know, I know roll your eyes. I need to get these points back under control. I knew high protein was temporary since I am not a fan of eating meat but I needed to see where it would go. Now with 21 pounds between me and my goal I am going back to my comfort zone. A place where I know my food fuels me and lets me push myself physically. If not then it's back to the books.

Longest Run so far :o)

2010-09-21T15:32:00.000-04:00

I am slowly getting over the creepin' crud that I am sure my girls brought home from school. I could just see the germs on them. I am still coughing up some questionable things but overall feeling better. I had to skip my long run on Sunday because I was so sick. I was tired, coughing and getting the sweats. I still can't taste or smell anything. But yesterday the temperature was perfect so I decided I was headed out for a run. Walking out my front door I planned on 3 because of feeling sick but when I got to the corner I turned towards the 5 mile route. I was off. My pace wasn't great but at least I was out there. The route I chose has a couple of serious hills. The first is .75 miles long and then the relief of the downhill, the next is after the turn onto a dirt road. The entire road is uphill until the stop sign. The next turn is worse because the road slopes severely on the shoulder so you are running like one leg is shorter than the other. Not a pretty site.
About 3 miles in I had a violent coughing fit and had to walk it off for a couple of minutes. I didn't want to walk but I knew I was stuck on a back road 3 miles from where I started in the middle of farm country. After making sure my lungs were back I ran another 1.3 miles and then walked a quarter mile home to cool down. I ran 4.3 miles !!! And I was sick, LOL. I guess if I can do 4.3 sick then I can surely do 6.2 healthy, right?

Challenge Pictures!

2010-09-16T21:21:00.000-04:00

Ok Week 1 picture. Please excuse the pale face, lack of makeup and bed head. I am SICK! Like train wreck sick. Anyway These are my challenge goal jeans. Levi Strauss Low Rise. Love them. I'm gonna wear them on Christmas Eve, so unless I want to walk around like a stuffed holiday hen then I need to get to business.

Sara’s Christmas Clothes Challenge

2010-09-14T17:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, fear has now jumped into my heart. I just agreed to the unthinkable. Fellow blogger over at Sara Gets Skinny has just thrown down the gauntlet. She wants us to cram our asses into some pants that we would like to wear at Christmas. You know, the ones in your closet that only come up to mid thigh. The ones that maybe, if you really tried, and donated an organ you could pull up with Crisco and pliers....yeah those.

The challenge is to post a picture of yourself in those jeans once every two weeks with the ultimate goal to rock them for the holidays. I am in. Why not? You all may see some loose skin but damn it I earned every bit of what is hanging, dangling and jiggling. My pictures will be posted this week sometime.....so ARE YOU IN?

My trip to a 10k

2010-09-13T17:53:00.000-04:00

First, let me get the weight loss update out of the way. Saturday morning I saw the lowest number on the scale in at least 15 years. It put me at 21 pounds to lose until "Ultimate Goal" and 6 pounds to lose until the very first fantasy number I picked out of the air. The scale hasn't stuck there but I am used to "heavy Mondays" and am sure I will see that low number again by Wednesday. Fingers and toes crossed anyway :o)

So I mentioned I made a goal to run a 10K on October 23rd. I found a training program from Runner's World and jumped right in. It was made for someone that can easily run 3 miles. Well, I can :o) The plan consists of 2 short runs and 1 long run each week and then later incorporates speed work and tempo runs. Whew, I never thought I would know this much about running. Anyway, Sunday was my long run this week.

I have never ran 4 miles. I always, always stop at 3.1 or less because my initial goal was a 5k. Mentally when I hit that 3.1.....I am DONE. It is a wall. I needed to bust through that wall. Physically I know I am fully capable of 6.2 miles, mentally not so much. Yesterday was warm but not humid so we drove to a trail head and my husband took off to run his "EASY 7" UGH! I had to use the potty and was full of self doubt, thinking there was no way I was gonna hit 4. My hip hurt, I had birthday beer, I was worn out ect...

Stepping out of the potty I stepped right on an empty pack of KOOL Cigarettes. If you are a blog reader you know my father passed away when I was 15 from his last of many heart attacks. He refused to quit smoking and KOOL's were his poison. That empty box lit a fire inside me. I decided right then and there I was going to run the hell out of that 4 miles and I DID! At 3.1 I looked down, smiled, shook my arms out and picked up my pace.

A little litter turned into a big sign for me.

Oh, what to ride, what to ride?

2010-09-07T21:49:00.000-04:00

Sunday afternoon Jeramy and I decided to pre-ride the Tour De Donut course. It's supposed to be a fun ride with donut stops every 10 miles. The first 15 miles is fast. 22 mph fast with 2 35mph downhills. And that was with 17-20mph winds. After the first 15 miles it got bad. The wind was strong and there were some hills that I cussed out loud climbing but most of all the road condition was utter and complete SHIT! We rattled around so much on those back roads that I swear I knocked a filling loose. I was thankful for the beautiful weather and cool temperatures but was really wishing for smooth pavement. The last 15 miles is mostly compressed pebble road and combined with the wind I came home with a very sore upper body from being so tense. The first noticeable climb is 9 miles in and takes you through a housing development. If you aren't standing, you aren't getting up this hill. I don't mind the climbing, I did however mind the new speed bumps that are now in place. Overall, it is 30 miles and took us 1hr 45 minutes..no drafting and strong winds. BUT...........

The same day as the Tour de Donut is Speed Merchants Harvest Festival Ride. Rockford to Founders Brewing...beer drinkage and back to the Grill One Eleven Tent at Harvest Fest. I know these guys are faster than me, I know the roads are smooth, I know the beer is good and I wouldn't have to eat any gut busting donuts. I fear getting dropped, I fear being the only woman amongst the ego fest but it sounds like a good time. Ahhhh, I need to make a choice soon.

Metro Cruise 5k Vacation Style

2010-08-30T16:07:00.000-04:00

Jeramy had a 9 day vacation. His first in years. We made all sorts of plans for Michigan's Adventure, shopping, parades,a date night, cycling adventures....you get the idea. I promised myself I would not freak out over extra treats or possibly not getting a work out in.

I went on my first 2 mile trail run and my first 20 mile night ride. We walked for hours at Michigan Adventure and I did manage to get in a good weight session. I squeezed in a 3 mile run to get ready for the Metro Cruise 5k.

Food was not so good. We ate out a TON. I made smart choices but couldn't control sodium or cooking oils. We ate at the Melting Pot for our date night, took the kids to a buffet after Michigan's Adventure, ended up eating dinner at 10pm Saturday because of our crazy schedule. Not great choices but I didn't eat any fast food either. Bonus is I did not Gain or Lose a pound overall.

I posted my best 5k time Saturday at the Metro Cruise with a 33:38. I believe the course was .10 short but with the hills we ran it is hard to tell and my Nike+ has been off ever since the software update. I couldn't believe the time as I came across the line. I knew I had been hitting a pretty good pace but I didn't think it would be that good. I am not a speed racer by any means but I am closer to my own personal running goals.

Still 23 lbs away from my ULTIMATE goal. Probably 23 weeks until I hit that goal :o) I am in no hurry. I would rather the rest come off slow and stay off forever. Next stop, Le Tour De Donut!

Feeling Accomplished

2010-08-19T14:45:00.000-04:00

I have this plan. I set this plan last year at the Every Stride 5k. I was going to run the 10k. And well, as most of you know once I say I am going to do something, I do it. So this October I am going to run the 10k............scary. I have been getting used to the distance by walking 1 mile, running 3 and then walking another for cool down. I know it is not 6.2 but I am building. My plan is to add half a mile of running a week and as long as we don't have another heat wave that makes me feel like I am living in the bowels of hell I should be ok. We made a last minute choice to run the Metro Cruise Run so that will at least give me a little race feel before October.
I am still slow but sure on the weight loss front. 185 lost!!!! 8 pounds until I reach the magic number I picked out of the sky over 2 years ago. That will not be my goal weight. All together I feel 23 pounds until I can practice maintenance. I can wear my husbands jeans ! That is huge considering they are 32's and I no longer panic when I circle size medium for my race t-shirts. My rings were sized down 3 sizes and my skin is getting better. Not great but better. So much change from will power, strength and determination leaves me feeling pretty damn good about things lately.

Friday Five

2010-08-13T22:01:00.000-04:00

I run better in the morning before my body has a chance to realize what the hell I am doing to it.
I want a cupcake but I want to hit goal weight more.
I am smaller now than when I was a freshman in college.
Cycling is my therapy.
Do not ask me for weight loss advice and then go eat pizza & ice cream an hour later. My next advice will be to sew your damn mouth shut.

Friday Five

2010-08-06T16:46:00.000-04:00

Each Friday I am going to post 5 things I have learned about myself that week....I think it will help me appreciate how far I have come.

Apple Cider Vinegar helps me move things along. Just Sayin'
I weigh myself every day, it is what works for me.
I cannot keep Kind Protein bars in the house because I will eat them all.
I like running on a dirt road a lot more than I thought I would.
More often then not it is my self doubt that keeps me from doing something instead of my physical ability.

I'll Pray for you......

2010-08-06T16:29:00.000-04:00

Growing up I hated hearing those words. I am 1/4 italian and grew up in a very melting pot neighborhood. As with all suburbs in the Detroit area it was mostly italian, greek, and polish. Can we say religious? I won't even start about the food. I am sure you can imagine.
Anyway in St. Clair Shores I never had religion thrown in my face, you just were. You believed in god, helped your neighbor, raked leaves for a dollar, played hockey in the street and kickball at the school yard.
We moved up north when I was 13. Our road was dirt and the first week we were asked by at least 20 families to attend one of the 4 churches in our new tiny town. My dad called them all hypocrites because they would sit together and pray and then talk about each other outside the church doors. Funny, I just thought they were all crazy.
My Grandmother was infamous for saying "just pray for them" every time someone would make me angry or upset. Recently I heard a country song that helps it all makes sense:
I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you......

There is more to it but I am sure you get the idea. You see some people in your life just aren't worth stressing over so just pray for them, LOL.

Goals and Inspiration

2010-07-29T16:06:00.000-04:00

When I started to lose weight I never thought it would inspire other people to change their lives. So many have sent private messages telling how I have helped them change. I want to share one with you:
"So I have been following the couch to 5K program. And tonight I was to walk 5 jog 3 walk 5 I know doesn't sound like much but it was a good work out. I started the timer to run or thought I did. was running sweating like mad got tired looked to see how much time I had to go. and noticed I never started so not knowing how long I ran I decided to be honest with myself I needed to push start and run for 3 mins. And I did

However the reason for my message is when I feel like I want to quit or am tired I see you running with me and encouraging me to keep going. I picture your split weight loss picture. I have no reason why but thank you for running with me each night. See It's important for you to post these pics and your exercising. Spring 5K here i come. And If I loose weight along the way even better. The cucumbers, tomatoes and I are best friends this summer."

I didn't include her name for privacy reasons but am in awe by the amount of people whose lives I have touched. You guys make it easier for me to set goals I didn't think I could accomplish and keep pushing to prove to myself and others that nothing is out of reach.
Next year I have a few races picked out but have set my overall goal to do two things. 1) Ride a century and 2) Run the Chicago Rock & Roll Half Marathon. Each and every email puts a new fire in my belly and a smile on my face.

Much more Muchier

2010-07-17T02:37:00.000-04:00

I come here, I read my blog roll. I laugh, cry, scowl but I have been slacking at posting. I don't feel like I have wisdom to share. I have found some strange peaceful place I have never known. Before in my old body I felt so out of control. My world was spinning, I was grasping. I took everything so personally. I had lost my wit, my spunk or as the Mad Hatter would say my muchness.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, muchness means "the quality or state of being in great quantity, extent, or degree." What the Mad Hatter was talking about, in his odd and slightly hysterical way, was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. He was inferring that she had lost some of the true essence of herself as she'd grown older.
I hadn't lost my muchness due to growing older but due to growing bigger. I had no idea what I had lost until I started to get it back. I forgot that I was funny, sarcastic, smart, confident, open minded and beautiful. I was beat down, defeated, angry and so very sad.
Getting my muchness back has been as much as an experience as losing all of this weight. I am glad I am now much more muchier :o)
Another bit of peace that has been brought upon me came in an even more unexpected form. My face. In the last 30 or so pounds my face has changed a lot. I started to notice about 6 months ago that I was starting to look like my father. I miss him so much that when the wrinkles came and my jaw line peaked out I smiled. Recently my brother saw me and mentioned that he was surprised at how much I looked like our dad. I now look in the mirror and see so much of what I was starting to forget. His eyes, laugh lines, forehead wrinkles..it's all there staring right back at me.
Who would of ever thought I could of gained so much by losing?

SHOPPING!

2010-06-28T15:19:00.000-04:00

The rain has been getting to me and last week was especially bad. I was torn between staying in bed or building an Ark. Neither choice won but my attitude was certainly sour. I have become increasingly annoyed with my lack of wardrobe. I don't buy much because I go through sizes quickly and until now have been able to get by with Goodwill and clearance racks. Well on Saturday I kinda snapped. I pulled out my favorite jeans and they were too big. Now i know this should be a yippee yay Hell Yeah moment. And it was but it also meant I needed clothes, again...
My husband is very giving when it comes to shopping trips but I am very frugal. I always think about the other places in our lives that we could spend the money rather than clothing for me. I kinda needed a clothing intervention so I went SHOPPING!
American Eagle has always been one of my favorites so I bought plenty. Tops, capris, summer cardigans, ect...
I also got a new Speedo Halter swimsuit that is more revealing than anything I have ever worn but the best part was my stop to Burlington.
I needed bottoms. Now I would prefer to spend most of my life in a-line calf length skirts of babydoll summer dresses because I have always had a strong dislike for my thunder thighs. (I think this is why I love fellow blogger, Bitch Cakes.) Anyway, I found cargo capris and cute little khaki cuffed cargo shorts. I took them into the fitting room in fear that the lump of fat next to my knee was going to show and my huge saggy thighs would look even bigger in the shorts. Well I slipped them on and I LOVE THEM. I love my legs, I love the length. I love that I can walk and the and the center doesn't ride up because my thighs are touching too much. I bought my first pair of shorts in over 15 years. I was so happy as I left that store I cried.

The scale does move.

2010-06-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

Over the past few months I have been fighting the same 5 pounds over and over again. I was working out hard and eating healthy but I was getting no where. Back to the books I went. I spent days pouring over books about nutrition, glycemic index, weight training, metabolism types, ect....

With 1 week left of P90X I called it a draw and stopped the program. I went back to Body for Life workouts. I have adjusted my eating by limiting fruit to 1 per day and no more than 100 grams of carbohydrates per day, no more than 50 grams of fat and at least 90 grams of protein. And it Works!

I have lost that 5 pounds plus 2 more. I have a ton more energy and my workouts don't take up half of my day. I may return to another round of P90X once I hit my goal but not until then. It is too intense and too hard not to carb load to keep energy up. It is not a weight loss program, it is a get in crazy good shape program.

So ,YAY ME!!!! I have 18 pounds to go until my first goal I set. I think I am going to aim for 5-10 more beyond that and then go see about plastics. I assume when my "apron belly" of loose skin is removed it will be another 10 lbs or so. I really can't believe I am so close. When everything is said and done my total loss will be roughly 200 pounds. Sometimes it is hard to wrap my head around that number. What a trip!

Eternally Happy

2010-05-28T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm never sure what my exact religious beliefs are. I was raised by an italian father who was Catholic and I was baptized Episcopalian. Whatever it is, my hope for an afterlife remains strong. This week my Grandfather passed. If you have read back to the beginning of my blog you now that my Grandmother's life and her passing greatly influenced me to change mine. I have struggled with her death as it was painful to watch cancer eat her away in just a few short weeks. The Grandfather that passed was her husband of 60 years and my last grandparent.

I have not cried a single tear. I was so at peace with his passing and so happy to know that the two people I looked up to the most were together again. They loved each other like teenagers until the very end. Holding hands when they walked and even signing christmas cards with cute little names. They loved each other and their family with a fiery passion that you don't see anymore.

The service as amazing. I had the honor of choosing the music and what I chose summed it up perfectly. "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. My Grandfather was a Merchant Marine and an officer in WWII. He went to Howe Military academy and West Point. So did my Uncle Ray and my Dad was in the 82nd Airborne. The flowers at the church were displayed in the Masonic Star because at one point he was the head Mason. At the graveside service they played taps and fired off the gun salute. It was truly beautiful seeing as the cemetery had already prepared for Memorial Day with the flags on display.

2 1/2 years go when my grandma's cancer came back my grandfather had a stroke the same week. He went to the Masonic home for rehab and paid for my grandmother to be kept in the room across from hm as she battled with cancer. The doctors told us she had 6 weeks and in between rehab sessions my grandfather sat by her bed every waking moment. He fought to get stronger and recover from the stroke just so he could take care of his Evy. She died and so did a large part of him. In a sense my grandfather has been gone since she died.

There is such a peace inside me knowing that they are together again. It makes me smile to think of them eternally happy.

Zoo-De-Mac 2010

2010-05-25T23:29:00.000-04:00

What a weekend. We discovered two things this weekend. We no longer party and I can be pushed to high speeds.

I admit I was scared to be around 2,500 other cyclists. I didn't know if I could "hang". I didn't know how I would be looked at in my spandex. I didn't know if I could climb the hills. I had a lot of doubt about myself.

The started like a bad Nation Lampoon movie. Our 25' breakfast buffet at the hotel ended up being a 2 foot counter. The eggs were not real. Eggs are cheap so imagine a cheaper substitute...now imagine eating the slime from Nickelodeon. Yup GROSS. The waffle maker and toaster didn't work because of a blown fuse and the fruit salad was warm. I ended up with a bagel and cream cheese. Then the trolley showed up with the bike trailer. Hahaha, it WAS NOT a bike trailer but we were prepared and actually wrapped our bikes in foam for transport. The company still managed to rip my brand new bar tape.
40 minutes later we were dropped at Boyne Mountain. It was hot and sunny.

A lady we met on the shuttle told us "The pain you feel on the first 25 miles is worth the view" Yup, she scared the shit out of me. We quickly got comfortable on our saddles and fell into a good cadence. After turning the first corner I saw a hill that compared to anything I had climbed so I worked my way up passing people. I looked down and we are only 3 miles in. I was warned that the bad hills were at mile 8 and mile 10. This was no joke. The hill at mile 8 had to be a mile long with false flat and then another 1/4 mile of climbing. People were pushing their bikes up but I refused. I thought that was bad and it took me a while to get my legs back under me and up to speed. At mile 10 the hill was after a sharp turn. The look of it was horrifying. People were actually stopped at the top cheering people on that made it. The hill was so long that I had to alternate between standing time and saddle time but I made it up. I only managed about 9mph on that climb but I did it. Sweat pouring out of my helmet and legs on fire I did it.

After a few miles of flat and small climbs we came upon the "Tunnel of Trees", a sign before entry warned of the steep down hill. 36.6 mph on a road bike is a rush. I passed a girl with 2 hand fulls of brake and as white as a ghost. That road was amazing.

Mile 25 brought us to Leggs Inn in Cross Village for lunch. Rest, refuel and rehydrate. We didn't stay long. The second half was flatter with some long gradual climbs. The kind of climbs that leave you wondering why the hell you are going so slow if the road looks flat.

Mile 35 brought about an interesting situation. My husband and I ride together. Often we are not next to each other because the idea is to take turns in front. The rider in back burns 30% less energy. Well we picked up some people and had a nice pace line for a while but dropped them. I came upon another rider that was letting people (men) pass him. When I approached his wheel he saw me and picked up speed, I picked up. He kept picking up speed so I couldn't pass so I backed off. I then watched as he let 2 more MEN pass him. This truly pissed me off and I informed my darling husband that he needed to learn a lesson and I was the girl to teach it to him. My husband responded with "go get him" giving me full permission to attack knowing he would follow. Full sprint at 25mph I caught him, passed him and pulled him at that pace for 3-4 miles until he was just too tired to keep up.
Sir, if I ever meet you again I truly hope you learned a lesson on that long sandy stretch of road. I ride like a girl....try to keep up.

The rest of the ride went by fast and when we only had 4 miles left we attacked again because we were eager to be out of the saddle. Overall the views were breath taking, the weather was perfect and 99% of the people were friendly. We completed the 51 miles in a little bit over 3 hours and spent a well deserved weekend away doing what we love.

Why is it always so hard ?

2010-05-19T16:59:00.000-04:00

Really? That seems to be my question for everything lately. Why is it so hard for my kids to listen to me? Why is it so hard for adult women to be nice to each other? Why is it so hard to lose the last of this weight?

As I type this my youngest is literally having tantrum over not having enough bubbles in her bath. My oldest is screaming at my middle girl about some sort of drama and the only thing I can do is listen to it and hope to keep some of my sanity. It doesn't help to scream at them or separate them. Just ride the chaos out and hope it ends without bloodshed.

I have decided I am going to actively start sending my husband's resume out west. I hate the area I live in. I was not raised to be rude and catty but it seems almost every woman in this area was. Details don't matter but I am sick of everything from glares to mindless chatter about my weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, what the hell? I do this by the book. I am a good little weight watchers soldier. I work out damn near every day and yet again the scale just stays. I don't want to hear any more about muscle and size and the fucking measuring tape. I want the scale to move. It is true that I can physically accomplish a whole world of things I couldn't before but I am tired of this constant battle. I work out too much I gain, I work out too little I gain. I eat too much protein I gain. I eat sugar I gain. I live on fresh spinach, egg whites and chicken breast and guess what? I GAIN! Then the next week I lose what I gained and it starts all over again.

So many opinions and ideas on the subject leave my head spinning. I journal. I work out. I eat low sugar, healthy carbs, high fiber non processed foods. I run, I ride, I do plyo, I lift, I Zumba, I do yoga. I just want the scale to move. Just budge. Just a little at a time. I am not looking for biggest loser numbers but a pound a week isn't too much to ask for. Vent over. Now I am going to work out.

Total Loss to date 170

2010-05-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

I haven't done this in a while so I googled 170. Most of the pictures were people but I did find this one of this big big fish. My goal I set in the beginning is now only 23 pounds away. I may lose 30 just to say I lost 200 pounds all on my own. So I guess I lost this:

Happy Feet

2010-05-05T15:14:00.000-04:00

I just want some happy feet. Pain free, blister free happy feet.
When I started running in September I was wearing New Balance because of the support. In January I switched to Nike+ Vomeros which I LOVE. The problem I find is that there is still so much padding. I kept telling my husband if I could run in wrestling shoes or moccasins I would be a happy girl. Well, I was turned on to Vibram Five Fingers and they are creating some happy feet, no running in them yet per instructions but I will get there.
My feet are still sad on the bike.
As a person who rides 15-50 miles on average 4-5 times a week the points of contact must be happy. Hands, feet, and ass. These are your points of contact. My hands are happy. I keep the weight off of them with my core. My ass is happy, I have a $200 seat. My feet are horribly sad. I have high arches and a tiny hobbit foot. Last season I started with a pair of Bontragers. All season I got hot spots numb toes. This year I switched to Nike which fit like a dream and have a carbon sole. The problem comes after about 10 miles when my feet start to swell. The toe box room is limited so my feet start feeling like they are in a vice. Sometimes the pain is so bad it's hard to climb hills. Fast forward to Team Estrogen ladies who all swear by Specialized Torch shoes. The price caused sticker shock. It took me a while to even wrap my head around spending that much on shoes that didn't have a stiletto heel. So here I am waiting for my Specialized Torch shoes in silver with a fiberglass infused sole, vents and a ratchet closure system. I am told this will give my happy feet.

Weight Loss Update: 23 pounds to go until my "goal" I set when I started this journey. Will I stop there? I don't know yet. Depends on the size of my jeans :o)

Little bits of current happenings.......

2010-04-28T22:34:00.000-04:00

P90X is going well. I follow the schedule exactly as written and as stated before add some cardio. Mostly cycling because that is what I love. I at the end of week 6 so I am officially half way though my first 90 days. The scale doesn't do leaps and bounds on this but I have seen some amazing body results. Inches lost and functional strength increased. Functional strength probably doesn't make much sense but let me explain. Most of my weights I use are 10,15 & 20's and haven't increased in the past 6 weeks but I can jump higher, balance longer, do normal push-ups and hold the crane pose. Under the remaining 25 pounds I am strong and fit and the bonus is I actually feel it.

I am still counting points. I will probably count points until I am too senile to remember what points are. It works for me. It is what clicks and if I am a perfect little point keeper and limit my sugars and carbs I lose. Sometimes the intensity of my work outs makes me crave carbs. I am finding foods that help control that and are point friendly because anyone that does WW knows, the points get pretty low.

I ran the Yellow Jacket 5k and shaved some seconds off of my time. I was happy with that considering I had only run twice in a months time. I just wasn't feeling it. I got a pair of Vibram Five Finger Sprints and love them. I have been wearing them for daily activities and work outs but not to run yet. I want them perfectly broken in before I attempt that task. Soon I hope to be a "barefoot" runner. It is goin to be like learning to run all over again.

Speaking of running I wasn't going to follow through on my list and run the 5/3 Riverbank Run. I just got sick of it. I would rather pedal 50 miles than run 3. It is so hard for me. My back hurts and my knees swell. The osteoarthritis in my spine tightens up so quickly that I can't take "walk breaks". Once I am in motion I have to stay in motion. My knees swell. My knee surgeon said no running. I say you only live once. So fate stepped in and Pure Fit Radio sent me a complimentary entry to the Riverbank Run. The running gods say I must run so I will run. Hell, they have beer at the finish so that's worth it, right?

2 years later

2010-04-05T19:25:00.000-04:00

Wednesday it will be 2 years since I decided to change the way I was living. I almost feel like I should celebrate my birthday that day because that is when I really started living. So two years later and I am not at goal but that doesn't bother me. I give 100% every day and I live my life. There have been glasses of wine and slices of birthday cake along the way and I never beat myself up over eating them because I knew I had to live like this forever. The plan wasn't to change things only until goal, I needed to change myself for the rest of my life and I certainly have. I will get to goal.

So a P90X update:
I have been pushing play every day and this program rocks!! It is not a weight loss program that is for sure but I am faster, stronger and leaner than I have ever been in my life. A lot of people ask about doubles so here is what last week looked like:

Monday~ Run 2.75 miles a.m. / Chest & Back Abx p.m.
Tuesday~ Plyometrics (Death on DVD)
Wednesday ~ Arms & Shoulders Abx a.m. / 12.5 mile bike ride 15.1 mph avg
Thursday~ YogaX (Best 90 minutes of yoga ever)
Friday~ 12.5 miles ride 15.1 mph avg a.m. / Legs & Back Abx pm
Saturday~ 22.5 mile bike ride. 1st half 20mph avg 2nd half 14 mph avg into a 20mph headwind in the pouring rain. That sucked, we poured water out of our shoes afterward.
Sunday~ REST....Thank God.

On average this is 2 hours of workouts most days and if you notice it is all different. This Friday I will substitute a ride with Zumba because I love Zumba and to me it doesn't feel like work. This kind of schedule is why god created coffee.

Bring It!

2010-03-29T19:50:00.000-04:00

Well, I made it through week 1 of P90X. I have been told by the Beach Body crew that what I am doing is referred to as "doubles". The proper days to add the cardio are the strength training days. Take a break and refuel between sessions if you want to give this a go.

So mid-week I wasn't sure I was going to be able to keep this up through the whole 90 days. There were some moments that I was so tired that I wanted to cry. Tears of exhaustion are the worst kind. Friday rolled around and I hauled my ass out of bed and to the gym for Zumba. I love Zumba. If there is one work out that ha got me through and increased my cardio levels the most it is Zumba. BUT, yes there is a BUT, I have been attending this class for around a year. The same people come to the class every morning and the class STILL has to be stopped for instruction. I love my Zumba ladies and I love that the instructor was modifying things for me to make them more high impact but lately besides yoga this is the only reason I have been going to the gym. Everything else is done at home or outside. So after a long discussion with my husband I ordered the Zumba Fitness set and am canceling our gym membership. GASP!

In the long run I would like to become a Zumba instructor. There are certification classes in the fall that I hope to attend and there are several buildings in the area that are large enough to house a weekly class. The great part is that I can even get certified in Zumba for children. As you look around the area we have a horrible childhood obesity problem and I would like to do something about it.

So the routine is staying the same but the environment is changing. No more monotonous cardio machines at the gym. Mindless cardio and I don't mix. And now that I have strayed completely off my original topic I am happy to report that I made it through last week. Took my rest day yesterday, ran 2.71 miles this morning with my best pace to date and then came home and completed Chest/Back & ABX. 82 days left :o)
Today is just one of those days that I am so thankful for the changes I have made in my life I can't quit smiling.

The next 90 days might kill me.

2010-03-24T20:35:00.000-04:00

I have taken the challenge. I have done some crazy things in the past 2 years to get fit. I have done things I have said I would never ever do. Running for example. I always wondered why someone would run. Were they being chased? Is something on fire? I never really understood the sense of accomplishment involved. I also used to wonder why anyone would ride a bike completely bent over for 40 or 50 miles. Now I completely understand. So on to another challenge for me.

I have started P90X.

I have attempted to start the program 2 times before. Both times I started I couldn't make it through 15 minutes. And let's discuss Ab Ripper X. This crazy guy wanted me to do "crunchy frogs" just sitting on my tail bone. I thought there was no way I would ever accomplish this.

Monday was day 1 and it was almost irritatingly easy. What I mean is that I was mad that I couldn't do that workout before. When they were out of breath and sweating on the dvd I was excited and ready to go. Day 2 was Plyometrics (jump training). This is high and I mean HIGH impact. It was so challenging I actually wanted more. I was sweaty and breathing hard and felt like I couldn't keep going but I did. I haven't been pushed that hard in months. Today was shoulders and arms. Again I was amazed at how simple the routine seemed but it has to be working because I wake up every morning thinking someone beat the shit out of me. So 87 days left !! We shall see if I have the amazing made for TV results like the infomercial people.

Here is why I may die. I refuse to give up running or cycling or zumba or yogalates so all of those things will be added to the P90X program. Running or cycling 3 times a week, zumba once a week and yogalates once a week.

I WILL become a P90X graduate on June 19, the first day of summer. Challenge on!

2010 Irish Jig

2010-03-22T20:37:00.000-04:00

I loved this race. Michigan weather was bipolar again on Saturday and we woke up to snow. Man it was cold. I was decked out in a green bandanna, Nike knickers and running coat. Good to go. Again it was COLD. I did all of the pre-race rituals. Hydrated, carb loaded, stretched, tapered ect. I will post the delicious alfredo recipe from runners world at the bottom.

We arrived to EGR HS and it was packed. We still had to pick up out packets so we made our way into the gym. Everything was so well organized and they had the cutest irish band playing for everyone. We got our packets and wandered around finding people we knew would be there. Men were running at 9am and Woman at 9:35am so Jeramy headed out to warm up and I stayed inside were it was, well, WARM.

I had found my friend Jessica (check out her blog Real Food for Real Life ) and we headed out together. She is a much stronger runner than me so headed towards the back and she headed towards the front. This was a mistake on my part. I underestimated myself and should of headed towards the middle more but oh well, live and learn. The snow was falling and it was freezing out but I was ready to go. Right on time the race started and I crossed the line about 2 minutes after the start. That's how many people there were. WOW. Right away I found out that I was behind some people that didn't run the same pace as me. We were headed downhill at the start and alot of them were trying to fight gravity and take short choppy steps. Right then and there I knew this would be a learning experience for me. From .5 miles to around mile 2 we were working slightly uphill with a few little downhill rollers in there. I am not a fast runner but I am consistent so when I would come upon a row of 4 women talking and jogging I would have to slow until I figured out how to get around them. Now I know why some races have pace markers in lineup. It didn't bother me that much.. I was there to finish. This happened a few more times especially after mile 2 when we started working downhill. One time it was with a husband, baby and stroller that had decided to join his wife for the last mile. I have never had the ability before to pass people so I really learned some lessons that morning. After the last corner I visualized my line and started to kick coming in at 37:54. That is 10 minutes faster than my 1st 5k. It is not lightening speed but I have greatly improved.

Crossing that line I ran directly to Jeramy who finished with a strong 20:22. A little slow for him but the silly man was horribly under dressed for our 1st day of spring snow. By the time we got back into the gym they were serving cake and the band was playing again. They started handing out door prizes, trophies and everyone was swapping stories. My cousins husband slid out in the first corner and had a nasty case of road rash on his leg but still finished 21:24...he is over 50, amazing!!! My friend Jessica, mentioned above, came in at 27:22 and another friend Joelle ran it in 36:xx and it was her first one :o)

Overall it was wonderful. Well organized, great course and FUN. It is definitely a must do if you are in the area.

Rocco's Healthy Alfredo:
8 ounces whole-wheat fettuccine
1 tablespoon butter
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons cornstarch
Pinch of ground nutmeg
3/4 cup low-fat, low-sodium chicken broth
3/4 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
3/4 cup 5 percent Greek yogurt
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add fettuccine; cook according to package directions.

While pasta cooks, melt butter in a large nonstick saute pan over medium heat. Add garlic and cook two minutes.

Combine cornstarch and nutmeg in a small bowl; whisk in chicken broth until smooth. Pour into saute pan, raise the heat, and bring sauce to a simmer, whisking occasionally.

Whisk in 1/2 cup of the cheese until melted. Remove pan from heat.
Whisk in yogurt until smooth.

Toss fettuccine with Alfredo sauce. Season with salt and pepper. Top pasta with remaining cheese. Serves four.
CALORIES PER SERVING: 336
CARBS: 47 G
PROTEIN: 18 G
FAT: 10 G

Zoo-De-Mackinac

2010-03-16T00:12:00.000-04:00

"The Zoo-de-Mack is a weekend of huge parties with great bands, one of the most scenic bicycle rides in the country, a lot of sunshine, views of the mighty Mackinac Bridge, and one magical island."

Hotel is reserved. Trip is planned :o)
Originally we planned on riding the Dalmac in August/September. It is a week long cycling trip but my father in law is having his hands operated on and honestly I don't think he is up to the task of a tween girl, an overly intellectual 7 year old and a 40 year old in a 5 year old girls body. So we decided we would wait a few years to do that ride. It is almost 100 miles a day for 4 days. I would like to take the children on this ride in maybe 5 years. It will be the summer before Brianne's senior year of high school and I think it would be good for all of us.

Anyway we got turned on to the Zoo-De-Mackinaw. It is a 2 day bike party. Upon arrival in Boyne Highlands on Friday night you pick up your packet and all access wristband. The website says if you are smart you will then go back to your room and sleep until 7am....LOL. 90% of the riders don't and we probably won't either. There is a pre-party with lots of drinking and a band. The next morning a shuttle takes you to the start of the ride and you begin the 50 mile trip to Mackinaw City. There is a stop for lunch to soak up the rest of the booze in your system and the first 8 miles are constant climbing. Once in Mackinaw City you stop by your hotel, drop off the bike, freshen up and head to the Island for a night of cyclists gone wild.

You see the thing with cyclists is that we all consider beer a form of fuel and really if you have ever ridden any distance you already know how a nice cold refreshing beer makes everything seem a little less painful and a lot more fun. So after a night of debauchery the ferry brings you back at 2am and you stumble to your fancy room and pass out until check out time. YAY!

Some highlights of the ride include:
51 miles along Lake Michigan on a paved road with very little automobile traffic. Riders pedal through rolling countryside and trillium covered forests, along sandy beaches, and are surrounded by breathtaking views of Lake Michigan from 400' high bluffs. We stop approximately half way, at a unique place called the Legs Inn for a leisurely lunch and to swap stories. The ride continues on to Mackinaw City for a finish line party and where Arnold Ferry boats have been chartered for the ride over to Mackinac Island. There is also a downhill section called the "Tunnel of Trees" and some riders have reported speeds up to 40 mph on this section.For more info click here

A pound is a pound

2010-03-15T16:50:00.000-04:00

I usually have Friday coffee dates with some good friends. This past week while chatting one of them mentioned Oprah claiming that muscle weighs more than fat. Wow. Oprah? I thought she was a little more aware than that. The truth is as most of us know that a pound is a pound. A pound is a until of measurement. A pound of flour weighs the same as a pound of butter. That is why it is called a POUND. The difference is the "space" that pound takes up. In general a pound of muscle takes up a lot less space than a pound of fat because the muscle is denser. A 1 pound cast iron weight takes up very little space compared to a pound of packing peanuts. This misconception has been around for so long that people really believe it. It is the same as people believing that the number on the scale dictates their level of health fitness and value as a human. I know the number on my scale. I have known it every day, good or bad, for the past 2 years. Many times the number won't move and I get as discouraged as the next person but as long as my clothes keep getting looser and my fitness levels keep improving I am a happy girl.

Speaking of fitness levels I ran 3.93 miles yesterday. My Nike+ Sportband only registered 3.7 but it needs to be re-calibrated. That is a common problem with the Nike+ system. As your running ability improves your stride length usually gets longer so you are covering a greater distance but your foot is spending the same amount of time on the ground as when your stride was shorter. The concept itself is slightly flawed but I still love it compared to the bulkiness of a Garmin Forerunner. My goal is 6-7 miles by October and my ULTIMATE goal is the GR Half Marathon in 2011. I am still not in love with running but I do enjoy setting goals that seem unattainable and meeting them.

Product Review: Knickers

2010-02-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

I have been on the search for the perfect cycling knickers. Last year I went through several pair (and sizes) made from Aerotech Designs but now they are huge on me. So the search began. I ordered a pair of Shebeest Pedal Pushers, Terry Bellas and Pearl Izumi Sugars. The Shebeest & Terry I ordered in a size Medium because that is my goal. They both go on but I could never pedal in them because they are too tight. So I decided to by just one more pair to get me through until the others fit. I went with the PI Sugars due to the short inseam and good reviews. I ordered a Large and they fit perfectly. The chamois is wonderfully thick but fitted well. The best part of all it the drawstring on these. I usually have a hard time because my waist is so much smaller than my hips but the drawstring is fabulous. I love these knickers. They fit like they were made for me. They earned a seal of approval after 30 minute on the trainer. My goal is 30 minutes a night on the trainer until I can get outside regardless of what I do during the day. This should get me ready for the roads and get my saddle ass back :o)

PS...Scary Blogger Stalker, I have no idea what you are talking about but if you keep harassing me Blogger can track your IP address. Have a lovely day and take your delusions elsewhere.

Funny Things that happen during Weight Loss...

2010-02-19T19:19:00.001-05:00

So as I was in Zumba today I started thinking about all of the things that have happened to me while losing weight. Here are a few that came to mind:

While doing forward fold in yoga I realized I probably have never been that close to my feet before and I need a pedicure.
I woke my husband up one night freaking out about the bone sticking out of my ankle. Turns out it is supposed to be there.
If I don't wear the proper clothing while running I swear I hear my stomach clapping for me..ahh loose skin, gotta love it.
I was slapped on the ass by my brothers girlfriend. She couldn't help herself :o)
Cycling knickers I used to love can now be pulled up to my chest, earning the name "boob pants"
My poor husband is highly irritated when I drive the truck. Not because I am a bad driver but because he has to move the seat all the way back and now have to move it all the way forward. My fat booster seat is gone.
Fat floats..seriously. We love the hot tubs and when we used to go my body had such a high % of fat I would float off the seats. Now I am firmly planted but my inner thighs float up.
There are bones in my ass and it hurts to sit for too long.

These are just a few. There are also some not so funny thing like:

My grandfather didn't recognize me in his aging state of mind. Once he figured out who I was he was impressed but I wanted to be fat again so he would know who I was.
A girl at the gym talking to me about how she couldn't believe people could let themselves get morbidly obese. She had to be informed of my weight loss.
My skin is screwed. From my knees to my waist I look like I was melted.
I have had nervous breakdowns over going out to eat.
High sugar and high fat foods make my physically ill now.
Some people hate me for losing the weight.

The good moments far out number the bad and I usually laugh at something that has happened daily. I challenge you to think of things that have happened on your journey to make you laugh really hard or moments that have made you cry like a baby because these are the moments that get us through. These little non scale victories and challenges are what make this journey worth it. It is called living and I am happy as hell to finally be dong it.

Busting A Plateau

2010-02-18T21:28:00.000-05:00

From Jillian Michaels:

There is nothing more discouraging than stepping on the scale after a week of diligent dieting and grueling workouts and not seeing any drop in the numbers. The plateau is a common problem among dieters and can typically be waited out, but there are measures you can take to keep your metabolism fired up even as you reduce your caloric intake.

The best way to approach a plateau is to keep your salt intake below 2,000 mg a day and drink lots of water. Don't eat any processed carbs for a week (that's right -- no chips, sugar, white flour, and so on) and hit the gym hard! The boost in exercise will make your body swell and hold a little water weight for a few days, but after a week you should see the benefits on the scale.

You can also play around with your caloric intake a bit, varying it from day to day throughout the week while keeping the same weekly total. The human body can't slow the metabolism to adjust to a reduced caloric intake if the intake isn't fixed from one day to the next. For instance, to bust my plateau, I might have 1,200 calories on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then eat 1,500 calories on Tuesday, 1,600 on Thursday, 1,400 on Saturday, and 1,700 on Sunday. Get it?

The plateau effect can also simply be a matter of flagging resolve. If mixing up your caloric intake just isn't working, make sure you're not slipping up on your diet or slacking off in your workouts. It happens to the best of us -- sometimes you just need a little reality check to get yourself back on track.

As with any program, there will be highs and lows, but the most important thing is to stay with it. Your body is trying to adjust to the weight loss. Don't get scared or discouraged. Just be patient and know you're worth it!

Complain, Complain, Complain...

2010-02-18T19:17:00.000-05:00

I feel like such a Debbie Downer lately but I am sick of the scale just not moving. It was going down down down and then *poof* it has frozen at the same number for 2 weeks. It's not the end of the world but it is depressing. To give you a good idea why this is depressing look at my schedule:

Monday~ Run 40 minutes
Tuesday~Weights 1 hr
Wednesday~Run 30 minutes
Thursday~Yogalates
Friday~Zumba 1hr/weights 30 minutes
Saturday~Run 40 minutes

I stay within my points and eat healthy foods, drink my water and take my vitamins. I don't know whether to scream or cry. I mean who works out like that, eats healthy foods and nothing happens?
It has taken me 50 weeks to lose 50 pounds...stellar huh? Yes I have lost inches, yes I am healthier and more physically fit. I lost the first 115 pounds in 10 months. I am exhausted, I want the scale to move, I want people to stop playing copycat with me and more than anything I want Spring to hurry up so I can get out of the stuffy gym and on to the road. I need to surround myself with different people.
I don't like saying "yay, I ran a 12 min/mile pace" and them saying "wow, that's slow". It's not me, these people need a friggin' filter on their mouths. That 12 minute mile took me a long time to work up to. I am proud of that. I can't do it all the time and on the treadmill I am a lot slower but that is what I can do. I love when I get told people can walk a mile that fast because that's even ruder yet. It's as fast as my short legs can carry me right now and I am damn proud of it. I am stuck between two worlds. The athletic world where everyone is speedy and healthy and the diet world where everyone is working towards that. I don't fit in either place.

A Fuzzy Updated Picture

2010-02-04T14:27:00.000-05:00

My phone has been taking crappy pictures lately, the kids messed with one of the settings but this is a progress picture none the less. Sweaty and after yoga.

Dear Spring..

2010-02-03T16:33:00.001-05:00

Could you hurry up and get here already? I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I am ready to feel the sun beat down on my face. I will never again complain about freezing my water bottles or my funny cyclist tan line. I have picked up some new goodies at "off season" prices and am even more excited about those. The list includes:

Nike Carbon Cycling Shoes
Giordana Gloves
Terry Knickers ( in a freakin' medium)
Pink Paisley Helmet
Selle San Marco Aspide Glamour Saddle
Fly Gurlz Race Team Jersey
Primal Black Orchid Jersey
Primal Beehive Jersey
Topeak Seat Bag (my other one was too tiny)
Cinelli Pink/Black/White Bar Tape

On average I got about 75% off on these items since it is the "off season" The shoes were the best deal. They retail for $149.00 and I paid $10.50....new in the box :o) Full carbon sole and a wider toe box should prevent hot spots. I still need to pick up some shorts and of course my new bike from the bike shop. The seat was a must have. It is one of the most comfortable women's saddles on the market today and it is smaller than the crap stock saddles that come on the bike. They should just leave them off like they do the pedals. My new bike will be the Trek 2.1 Black & White WSD with a compact chain ring. 50/34...I am so excited about this because I was riding with a 50/39/30 triple. I used the granny gear ring once and because the middle ring was a 39 it was really hard to find a sweet spot, it always felt like I was missing something. Can you tell I a excited.!?! I have been spending Monday nights on the trainer which is similar to watching paint dry but an hour on the trainer is like 1.5 outside so I should at least not die on the first ride of the season.
Weight wise I dropped 6 pounds last month which is my goal. I think at this point between 6-8 pounds a month is reasonable. I also am consistently running 3 miles in about 37 minutes in the freezing cold. On the treadmill I am slower but I am bored out of my mind on that thing so I am obviously not as focused on the task at hand.
So in a complete reversal from my last negative nelly post I am feeling pretty good. I have refocused on me, myself and I. Trying to ignore the small things that irritate me and look to the big picture. I see 100 glorious miles in my future and it looks good :o)

Gumption...

2010-01-27T22:10:00.000-05:00

Gumption, Tenacity, Perseverance and Hard Working. These are all words that have been used to describe me in the past month. So why don't I feel it? People ask advice, I give. People want support, I cheer them on. People want to be pushed to the point of almost puking, I can do that too. I am 22 months into this and want to lose 30+ more lbs. At my height I could easily lose 50. I was super morbidly obese. Yet right now I am struggling. I am not struggling with working out or eating right because that is natural to me. I am not struggling with losing because I am still losing, slower than the beginning but that is to be expected. I am struggling emotionally.
I can no longer be every one's cheerleader. I need to go back to just doing me. People ask advice but don't want to listen. Everyone wants weight loss quicker, faster, more. I want to run an 11 minute mile. I want to ride a century. I want to place in a Triathlon. These are MY goals. Some people may think I am being mean but I need to step back into my bubble. I need to do this for me.
You see everyone I know that has had a large amount of weight to lose has had WLS. EVERYONE. I don't know anyone in my small town area that has lost more than 100 pounds without surgery besides me. Is it easier? Is it harder? That is relative. It's like rating a work out. To some people hard is 30 minutes on the elliptical, to me hard is 45 minutes, level 2-18 NO Hands. We all have our own hard. Do I think it is easy to have your stomach rerouted..no, I really do not. I know how much I need to eat to work out the way I do. I couldn't do that with a tummy pouch and not sacrifice muscle. So what's the problem?
The problem is me. I have feelings and I have worked harder at this than I have at anything in my life. I want so badly to be a *results not typical story. I want this with such fire and passion that no one understands that my days are planned around my work outs. My meals are planned for weeks at a time. I have given up nights out with friends (sorry Isaac) because I knew I had to work out in the morning. Insert friends or acquaintances who have had WLS. 6, 7, 8, 9 months down the road and they have already lost 90-100% of their excess body weight. I admit I am a little jealous but mostly it is defeating. I work damn hard and it seems that once these people exceed my progress I feel as if they are trying to "one up" me.
I am the constant weight loss cheerleader, when failures occur and plateaus happen I am the first one to get the emails. I am also the first one to offer help but again emotionally I am drained. 22 months to get where I am today, another 5 months to get to my "goal" easy. That will be 27 months total (hopefully), maybe longer. The change is for a lifetime. So now I am discouraged, drained, tired and sore. I feel like a child at the beach that has spent all day building a sand castle just to have a bully come kick it down. And as a child would say...I am taking my toys and going home.

Spin & Sculpt

2010-01-17T15:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally made it to my first Spin & Sculpt class. As a cyclists you would think I would LOVE it. No, I didn't like it a all. The class started at 8:15am and I arrived at 8am to find all of the bikes taken up. I was told to stick around because someone might leave. Someone did. Cool. I went and grabbed my weights and started to set up my bike. 1 out of the 2 instructors asked me if I needed help and I said no. I explained that I ride a road bike. She actually rolled her eyes at me. Then she looked down at my weights and proceeded to tell me that the 10lb weights would probably be too much for me. I curl 25's on a regular basis :o/ I told her I was fine and kept the weights. She marched out of the room and returned with 5lb weights and sat them next to me. She thought I might "need" them. I thought I really didn't need her attitude.
The 2nd instructor came in..this one actually knows me and was happy to see me there. While this is going on everyone is making a big deal out of the fact that all the bikes are full as more people are trying to get into an already full class. There was an actual discussion that if you weren't a "biggest loser" contestant then maybe you should give up your bike. My blood started to boil.
No I wasn't a biggest loser contestant but I have been a member of that gym for almost 2 years and I paid my dues just the same as anyone else. Just because these woman decided they want to lose weight for the new year didn't mean I was going to leave. So class started on a sour note.
We start spinning and are told to put it on a level 5. OK, I guess my level 5 and other peoples level 5 are different. Their legs are just spinning freely and lightly. So I ask...level 5 on a scale of??? I was told 1-10. Ok then you should be putting in some effort. It was pretty obvious to me at that point who was there to work and who was there for social hour.
I worked. Level 10 to me is about the same as a 20% grade hill so I pushed it and was sweating my ass off. I stuck with my chosen weights and found them to be almost too light for some of the "sculpting sets". Now, I know I work harder than a lot of people but these grown women were using 3-5 pound weights and have been taking this class for months. This wasn't my problem. The problem was the way they made me feel. I felt so unwelcome there. Like I didn't belong because I used heavier weight or I pushed myself too hard. I am not sure I will ever return to that class. Maybe I will just to piss them off :o)
I have a cycleops trainer here with my actual bike on it . I guess if I want to get ready for cycling season I will hop on that a couple of nights a week because quite honestly it's a better work out. Funny thing is I would challenge any one of the unwelcoming "spinners" to a 40 mile ride any day of the week.

Black Bean Brownies?

2010-01-15T18:11:00.000-05:00

Before we get to this odd but yummy recipe I should probably tell you I have been dropping weight like a fat man at a sweat lodge ever since going back to counting my points. I have changed my workout routine on top of it~~ more reps, heavier weights and hard intervals on cardio days. I added yoga-lates a month or so ago and have been increasing my running speed. So maybe it isn't just the point counting but whatever it is I'll take it. I am thrilled because since August 1st I have only lost 30 pounds but that brings my total loss to around 160. I don't know the exact number because if you remember I had this horrid experience. That leaves me with 33 pounds to lose until my goal.

Now on to the brownies. Don't cringe at the idea. This is a WW thing and they are delish, chewy gooey fudgy so this it what you do:

1 box brownie mix
1 can (15 oz) black beans

Open the can of black beans, rinse well. With beans back in the can, add enough water to cover beans. Put in blender or food processor and puree. Add puree to brownie mix, and then bake according to package directions.

You DO NOT add the eggs or oil that the recipe calls for, JUST the black bean puree!

Makes 20 brownies-- 2 Weight Watcher Points each!

Feel it, Don't Feed it.

2010-01-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

I think my weight loss journey has been more therapeutic for me than any doctor ever could have been. For those of you who know me, you know I have been through a lot . Most of it in the first 22 years of my life. My dad was sick for years. From the time I was 8 I knew I wouldn't have him forever. He wouldn't see me at graduation, walk me down the aisle or hold his grand children. By the time I was 15 he was gone and so was my mothers sanity. I was left to care for my brother, myself and the house. At 16 I was paying the bills out of my mothers checking account because she would forget. At 17 I worked full time, went to high school and college...and frequently pulled my mom out of a bar at 2am.
My oldest daughter was molested by her biological father when she was only 3, we didn't find out until she was 7. It made statewide news and was the biggest story around my small town for 6 months. My husband, me and our children lived under police protection all through a very graphic trial in which I helped get him sentenced to 3 life terms.
My "rock" through all of this was my grandmother. 2 days before my 29th birthday she died after fighting cancer.
Now I know other people have been through worse but sometimes when you are so used to having food to comfort you and make you feel better, well sometimes you just feel like breaking down. I don't eat my emotions anymore. I cry. I don't hold back how I feel. I speak my mind.
So after all of this my mother calls today and decides she wants to lose weight. I am so happy to hear this because I think if she doesn't do something soon she will die. She starts going on and on about how she was at a good weight until my dad got sick and how it was too much to handle and........well, can imagine how this went. And at that moment, on the phone, and so sick of her finding excuses for neglecting herself and neglecting us when we had just lost our father I said "Well Mom, he's not sick anymore. He has been dead for 15 years. You need to do something or you will be dead too."
I don't know why I said it but in that moment I truly felt the 150+ pounds I have lost truly lift off of me. Hopefully some of you that read this can relate . Remember, feel it~ don't feed it.

Nike+ = LOVE

2010-01-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

In my closet there are 3 pair of New Balance. Trail runners, motion control, stability ect.... Each and every pair I was "recommended" and each and every one of them make running a chore. I mean don't get me wrong if you just started running, like me, then running is hard anyway but I didn't realize how much harder I was making it on myself. Finally I went in search of the shoe. I found out I am a neutral runner with a midfoot strike and high arches. That means I don't under pronate, over pronate, heel strike or need any extra support. Complete opposite of what I was told before. My gait could of changed due to strength training and weight loss, I don't know.

The perfect shoe for my foot has now entered my life. It is the Nike+ Vomero 4. Cushioned for those long miles but flexible, light and a neutral runner. And of course I had to get a Nike+ Sportband to compliment them and track my miles. I have ran twice on the treadmill (I HATE the treadmill) and could of just kept on going but it was time to get Chloe from daycare. I didn't have to stop for a cramp and my legs feel great. I am a happy runner, maybe someday I will be a faster runner but for now I am HAPPY and pain free.

I Love Larabars.

2010-01-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

Seriously, LOVE. If you haven't ever had them I would highly recommend running to the store and trying them.Vegan, Raw, Gluten Free, Dairy Free, and awesome! I won a sample pack by posting on their blog and am now addicted. They run about 190 to 220 calories but are all natural. Most of them only have 3 ingredients and are so good for you. The great part it you wouldn't know by tasting them that they are healthy. My favorite so far has been the Key Lime Pie but I still have so many flavors to try. Here is the bummer. They are expensive. Most places have them for $2.00 or more each so I went on a search for recipes and found some. YAY. I will give them a try next week but they look pretty good so far.I just have to hunt down the key lime pie version.

Lay two pieces of plastic wrap on counter.
Place fruit in food processor and pulse until it has a paste-like texture. Transfer to a medium bowl.
Add nuts to food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add nuts to bowl with the fruit.
Add all other ingredients.
Use fingers to knead into a paste.
Divide mixture in half. Place each half on plastic wrap. Wrap plastic around mixture and form into a bar shape.
Wrap tightly in plastic and store in the refrigerator.
Makes 2 bars.

Cherry
1/4 c. dates
1/4 c. dried cherries or cranberries
1/3 c. whole pecans, almonds or walnuts
1/8 tsp. cinnamon

Cashew Cookie Dough
1/3 c. dates
1/2 c. raw cashews

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
1/3 c. dates
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
pinch of cinnamon
1/2 oz. finely chopped semisweet chocolate

Blueberry
1/4 c. dried blueberries
1/4 c. dates
1/3 c. almonds
1/2 tsp. finely grated lemon zest
1 drop almond extract

Apricot-Almond
6 tablespoons dried apricots
2 tablespoons date
use almonds for the nuts.

Tropical
Tropical fruit bits (check the bulk food aisle)
raw cashews for the nuts
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lime zest
1 teaspoon fresh lime juice

PB & J
1/4 cup dried cherries or cranberries
1/4 cup raisins or dates
1/2 cup raw peanuts

Blueberry
1/4 cup dried blueberries
1/4 cup dates
1/2 cup raw almonds
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
a drop of almond extract

Cashew Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw cashews

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw cashews
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
pinch of cinnamon
1/2 ounce very finely chopped semisweet or bittersweet chocolate

Pistachio Heaven
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw pistachios
a drop of almond extract

Peanut Butter Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw peanuts

What a year!

2009-12-30T20:41:00.000-05:00

I can't hardly believe the New Year is upon us. As I look back at the past 12 months I realize how far I have come and all of the things I have done. I am so thankful to have found my health this past year and so happy to have such an amazing support system around me to cheer me on as I reach for my goals. I never in a million years thought I would become an athlete. Up until August I had never even ran a whole mile at once. Ever, never..seriously, not in my entire life. Now I can..plus a few more :o) Up until August of 2008 I hadn't been on a bike in 12 years. Now I ride 40 miles for a couple of hours of fast fun. I swim, take yoga, shake my ass in Zumba and love life. I have worked for this. I have worked hard but I also have people around me that make it a little easier.
When I started this journey I figured if you were not in my corner than you didn't need to be in my life and I am still happy with that choice. I can't say everyone has been there but the people that have are the ones that matter. Most of all my husband has been there every step of the way. He amazes me with his support and love and ability to push me harder than I ever could imagine. I have taught him nutrition but he has taught me what it is like to be athletic. He is an amazing athlete. Whether it is cycling, swimming or running he is always in the top of the pack. His physical abilities amaze me and push me to catch him. As I crossed my very first finish line on August 8th he was all I looked for. I remember the last turn of the run. I wanted to give up but then I saw this other woman's family. They were cheering and her husband had a huge sign. At that point all I wanted was my husband. My family didn't show up, as usual, but he was there competing, sweating and pushing just like me.
I also have a good friend, Aimee, that has struggled with weight just like me. We have known each other since high school and have both taken control of our lives. We both have a low tolerance for bull shit and can share many of the emotional mood swings that have come with losing weight and gaining a life. We can share things most people wouldn't understand.
Now everyone in this little town recognizes my work and weight loss. I am often seen running down a back country road or riding my bike. The gossip gangsters around here have been sure to keep track of my progress and even the greeter at Meijer has spoken up. Today the teller at the credit union asked me if my plan was to melt away to nothing. At my gym I have Al, Gloria, Deb, Dave, Carmen, Delores and Kristine. They make it comfortable for me to be there and always have. Kelli was my favorite gym employee. Liberal, artistic, open minded and outspoken. She let off this happy vibe and on a plus side works for WW. She left us..boooo. She "trained" me on my very first day. I was scared and embarrassed of my weight. So Kelli..(I know you will read this). Thank you for making me feel not so horrible that first day and making me want to come back for more.
Those are the people that have changed my life this year. I <3 them all.

"Pointing" myself back into the right direction...

2009-12-10T15:31:00.000-05:00

I keep hitting the mini plateaus. I really don't know why except I have lost a great deal of weight and my body probably would like to rest. I think sometimes it tells me so but I don't listen. I have never been a big fan of being told what to do. If I was I probably wouldn't of gotten so damn fat to begin with...HUh what *gasp* she said fat. Yeah, so what? You call a crack addict a junkie so why not call it as it is..I was a fattie. I say this with love but I was so addicted to food I am surprised the sweats and shakes were not visible just at the sight of pizza. Oh I love food. I love food so much I have been using my "calorie deficit" as an excuse to squeeeeeze in some things I know I shouldn't have. Chocolate, Coke Zero, ice cream, full fat lattes.....the list goes on. I have reviewed my food diary and the only way to stop this for now is to start counting points again and STOP counting calories. The difference seems so vague but there is a huge difference. All calories are not created equal and some are just plane evil. 150 calories of black beans = 2pts, 150 calories of chocolate is 4pts...see my point, LOL. To elaborate I would upload my bodybugg calories and see I had worked off 4000 calories...well heck then I can eat 3000 right? Well sure fattie, that leaves 100o calorie deficit. Well what are you going to eat if you have 3000 calories to consume? Fajitas and a giant margarita...ME TOO, ME TOO!!! So I am back on the points and off the food crack. So this combined with the BFL workout routine is bound to kick the rest of this fat to the curb or what ever mystery place it is that fat goes when it leaves. I secretly hope it goes to the skinny bitchy head cheerleader from high school....don't laugh, you know you want her ass to explode with Twinkies too.

It's like a really really bad dream...

2009-12-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

Last week I lost 1 pound. 1 pound..only 1 pound. It has taken me 4 weeks to lose that 1 pound. I am so tired of stepping on the scale and it not moving. I doesn't defeat me but it is very discouraging considering my nutrition and work out schedule. Last week looked like this:
Monday~Rest
Tuesday~3 mile Run
Wednesday~ weights & 2 mile Run
Thursday~3 mile Run
Friday~ weights & 30 minutes elliptical
Saturday~10.52 mile walk
Sunday~Rest
I did not induldge too much on Thanksgiving and I have increased my water intake. The only litch in my nutrition I see is that my protien is down and my carbs are up. An easy mistake to make when you don't eat much meat. No matter what way you figure it I should of lost more but no matter what I do things aren't moving. This next week I am going to concentrate on lowering my carbs a little and getting more protein. My calorie deficit for last week shows I should of lost at least 2 but then again for the week before my deficit shows I should of lost 3.....yep, getting a little angry at this point.

Still here, still losing..

2009-11-24T12:44:00.000-05:00

I just realized it has been a month since I last updated my blog. I have been so busy. Holiday shopping, the girls programs at school and Jeramy has been traveling to Rockford, IL for some advanced aerospace training. Again my losses are slooooow. I had a whole month of stellar losses in October and now things have came to a small creep again. Time to change the work outs again I guess. I am going to do doubles for the month of December. 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour at night. I just need to give the scale an extra kick in the ass. I am officially 2 jean sizes away from my ultimate goal so that has me thrilled. I am consistently running for 38-45 minutes and I have started using kettlebells. I can assume that the scale has not made leaps and bounds this month due to the muscle I have put on but now as I get closer and closer to where I want to be I realize in order to be faster I must be lighter and to get lighter I am going to have to kick it up a notch or two. I never thought this would be easy but I never thought my body would fight losing that last 40 pounds so hard. Well this girl has got a whole lot of fight left in her so I know I will get where I am going.

One Hour Runner Program

2009-10-26T17:06:00.000-04:00

I officially graduated the Couch to 5K Program and found a new training plan to keep me going and increase my endurance. It is the OHR Plan. On snowy or rainy days I know I am going to have to do this on the treadmill but I figure if I can stand to be on there that long the same amount of time will fly by outside.
I received my Pearl Izumi Booties today to keep my feet warm while cycling. I still have to get some knobby tires and full finger gloves but then I am ready for some winter riding. I probably won't go out when it is icy or slushy because the drivers around here are pretty careless but the temps won't stop me at all.

Here is the new running plan :o)

The key component of this program is the one long run per week. It builds up endurance and lays the foundation for further progress.

Weeks 1 - 3: Right now you are running 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week. Your weekly commitment of time is 90 minutes. Continue doing this for three weeks.

Week 4: Run 30 minutes, 29 minutes, 35 minutes. Weekly total: 94 minutes

Week 5: Run 30 minutes, 32 minutes, 38 minutes Weekly total: 100 minutes

Week 6: Run 30 minutes, 33 minutes, 41 minutes Weekly total: 104 minutes

Week 7: Run 30 minutes, 34 minutes, 45 minutes Weekly total: 109 minutes

Week 8: Run 30 minutes, 36 minutes , 49 minute Weekly total: 115 minutes

Week 9: Run 30 minutes, 38 minutes, 54 minutes Weekly total: 122 minutes

Week 10: Run 30 minutes, 40 minutes, 60 minutes Weekly total: 130 minutes

A personal note from author: When you are trying to increase your distance, some days feel good and others feel awful. Listen to your body. Be willing to back off. There is no hurry. These schedules are designed for the best possible circumstances, and sometimes you just need more time to adapt. Never move on to the next higher distance until you feel totally comfortable with the one you did today. I can remember once doing the same mileage for three weeks before I felt I had the strength to add a bit more.

A Yummy Fall Treat....2pts.

2009-10-26T12:38:00.000-04:00

Cran-Banana Fiber Muffins

Think of these delicious muffins as spicy mini banana breads with tart cranberries.

Prep Time:15 min
Start to Finish:40 min
Makes:12 muffins

1 cup Fiber One® original bran cereal
1 egg
3/4 cup fat-free (skim) milk
3 tbs apple sauce
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (about 2 medium)
1 1/4 cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sweetened dried cranberries

1. Heat oven to 400°F. Grease bottoms only of 12 regular-size muffin cups with shortening or cooking spray, or use paper baking cups. Place cereal in resealable food-storage plastic bag; seal bag and crush with rolling pin or meat mallet (or crush in food processor).
2. In medium bowl, beat egg, milk and oil with fork or wire whisk until well mixed; beat in bananas. Stir in cereal; let stand 5 minutes.
3. Stir in remaining ingredients except cranberries until blended. Stir in cranberries. Divide batter evenly among muffin cups.
4. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until light golden brown. Immediately remove from pan to cooling rack. Serve warm.

140 Calories/1g fat/ 3g protein/ 3g fiber (2 ww points)

I substituted apple sauce for vegetable oil to reduce the fat...they are so good I had to share.

My Thoughts on the EveryStride 5k

2009-10-25T11:34:00.000-04:00

You know when you are watching a scary movie and there is always the person that runs through the woods at full speed without ever looking down or missing a beat? Well, I call bullshit :o) It had been raining here all week and we received an email with promise of moving the race to the road. They didn't. We were told several times that there would be split time clocks on the course, there wasn't. But so far the most annoying aspect to me was the man at the last turn that sent us out and around the trees that we had already been around. Now the course was a muddy, hilly, mushy wet mess that I will have to admit I was not ready for. I expected my time to be slower than the road but not as slow as it was. I can walk 3 miles faster than I ran the course. I expected to be slow since I just started running 9 weeks ago, I was prepared to be last but finish running. I did that. I finished and ran the whole thing except 2 hills I had to slow to a walk on. At first I was bummed about my time but then I realized I ran for 47 minutes...I ran the whole time slow or not so obviously my endurance is doing great. We all ran the same course so I wasn't at a disadvantage compared to anyone else but I will not run on grass again. My road times have been averaging 38 minutes with my best ever time being 34 minutes. I was beating myself up until some of the Nike+ people starting speaking up. The pods were registering anywhere from 3.4 to 3.6 miles for the 5k.
But I RAN 47 minutes, that is the highlight of my day ;o) The longest I have run without a warm up walk is 30 minutes. This is amazing to me and I a so proud of myself for running that long. I knew I needed to build endurance before I could build speed. So all I can do is improve from here. Jeramy's time was around 2-3 minutes off from what we know he can run it in but he was the fastest from Greenville and was in the top 50 of 1000 runners. So wet cold rainy muddy slick....yucky slow. Next year I am doing the 10K not only to push myself but because that one is on the road.

Sidenote: As runners were coming back from the 10K they were discussing how the distances weren't matching their Nike+ either. Many of them did a personal best for the race but their pods were showing less than a 10k. After traveling over to Nike's website today it looks as if Belding wasn't posted for the Nike+ Human Race 10K Results. I am hoping for everyone that put the effort in that this gets fixed but am starting to wonder if the results haven't been posted because the mandatory distance wasn't covered? I hope that isn't the case because those people ran their ass's off in some really crappy weather.

Brrrrrrrr....

2009-10-19T19:05:00.000-04:00

It's getting chilly here in Michigan. Fall isn't providing the cool air that it usually does. It is just cold. We ave been cycling and running in this weather which has required a great deal of extra layering. You wouldn't believe how excited I got over finding a New Balance fitted running jacket and matching custom length pants. Layered with Under Armour and an ear warmer and I am ready to go. Yesterday we hit a quick 16 miles on our bikes. My toes were numb so I need to contact Defeet about some wool socks.
I am really dreading the snow but the owner of The Runnery turned me on to snow shoe treads for your running shoes. You see the problem is that I really dislike the treadmill. I was struggling to run and breath on the treadmill and I admit the first 2 runs outside made my legs scream but now I don't want to go back to the belt. I know there are going to be days that I have to but I am going to hold out as long as possible outside.
I have a whole list of events next year that I plan on doing so I need to keep moving. The major ones will be the Riverbank Run, Freemont Triathlon, DALMAC ride to Mackinac and Great Pumpkin Duathlon.
I am so happy to be able to do these. When I started to lose weight I said it wasn't about vanity but about being healthy and fit. Along the way I have found out that I just love being active and working out. I love looking better and being able to shop amongst the normal sizes but that isn't what keeps me going. I see so many people lose weight and get into a certain size and then that's it. They are comfortable and it starts to slowly creep back. I am not going to be that person. This is my new life and I love it. I am proud of myself for finding activities that continue to keep me driven. This weekend I will be running the EveryStride 5k Nike Human Race. Cold and rainy is the forecast...should be a good time. They better have some schnapps for my hot cocoa afterwards :o)

A progress picture...

2009-10-06T23:07:00.000-04:00

I think I have finally really truly busted through the plateau that has been plaguing my life. In the past 3 weeks I have lost another 8 pounds. My husband says it if from changing my routing into running..he is probably right and I am geared up for a 5k on the 24th. Anyway I just figured it was time for a new picture.

A runner..well, maybe someday

2009-09-24T19:08:00.000-04:00

Running is a road
to self awareness
and self reliance.
You can push yourself to extremes
and learn the harsh reality of
your physical and mental
limitations
or
coast quietly down
a solitary path
watching the Earth
spin at your feet.
But, when you are through,
exhilarated and exhausted,
at least for the moment
everything seems right
in the world.

-Author Unknown

I have been waiting for this moment since I started my weight loss efforts 17 months ago. I have conquered cycling, weight training, Zumba, and swimming. I have finished my first triathlon but it is just now,this very week that I truly feel like SUPER WOMAN.Why? Well I lost 4 pounds last week but that has nothing to do with it. I am feeling so super duper amazing from RUNNING. Yep, that's right. I have been plugging away at the Couch to 5k plan from cool runnings. At first I felt every extra pound that I am still carrying and I still do a little. I have never been a runner.I still don't see myself as a runner but the amazing sense of accomplishment I feel when I am done is so empowering. I have always been envious of runners. It has always been something that has seemed so far out of reach for me. Now I am not going to win any races with my blazing fast speed but I have decided I enjoy it. I was so upset with myself for having to walk most of the 5k during my triathlon and now I am looking onward and upward to running the full length of the Every Stride 5k. The race is one month from today. I plan to run the whole damn thing....shhh, don't tell anyone, I might one day be a runner.

An education in the uneducated..

2009-09-16T20:24:00.000-04:00

A while back I "friended" a personal trainer on a social networking site. I saw him on the news and thought he had sound advice and was a friendly guy. Man, what you see in that little glowy box called the boobtube is not always true. Every time I post an update about my workouts he has some back-handed compliment about how I am doing things wrong..seriously? I mean really, c'mon man. I must be wrong because I lost weight without help of a man that has never needed to lose weight. He must know that in the beginning I couldn't even walk a brisk pace at 5 minutes let alone jog. He must know the emotions I had that drove me to eating. He must know about the 4 ice packs I have in my freezer to ease the pain or the pain killers I had to take to make it through my first triathlon. Why must he know?!?...BECAUSE HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!
Now I appreciate a good trainer as much as the next person and I admit there are some employees at my gym that have helped me more than they will ever know. But this guy is so cold and condescending if he worked there I would of never been back.

When it comes health and fitness, there's certainly no shortage of information out there. Unfortunately, a lot of it is false or misleading. And so much of this false information (like high reps for toning) has been around for so long and is so entrenched that it's accepted as undisputed fact by many. Lately, wherever I go, I invariably run into someone who talks like they're an expert. They speak with absolute confidence and the people who listen never seem to question what they're being told. But a lot of times, this so-called expert will say something that I know is flat out wrong. Most of the time, I'll just roll my eyes.

Now I don't pretend to be an expert. I think I know a lot about the subject, but I think it's important to always be a little humble, to keep an open mind, and to be willing to admit that you might be wrong about something or that you have a lot more to learn. Some people are pretty closed-minded. They think their way is the only way and react harshly if anyone challenges their opinions. This is probably true in general, not just in the area of health and fitness.

Have you run into or do you know such know-it-alls? I don't mean the person who you know is right. I'm talking about the person who's either badly misinformed and doesn't know it or the person who's conned everyone around him and perhaps gets a thrill from holding himself up as an expert. How do you usually deal with them? Do you correct them or do you just let it go? And what sorts of things have you heard them say that you knew were wrong?

I know what's right for me, and I'm willing to listen to what others have to say. I can use or discard any information as I see fit.

I can tell people about my experiences. I'll leave it up to them to determine what's right ... for them. It's no skin off my nose.

Weight Loss is so personal that unless you have been there you really don't know..and still then you only have your own experience.My husband said it best the other day. He said he would never try to be a weight loss counseler or weight loss trainer because he cannot emotionally relate. I think there should be a distinct difference between a personal trainer and a weight loss coach. Because being obese is a whole different monster than just being out of shape.

It's all good to instruct someone to do this many reps of this weight, do this much cardio and eat this many calories out of these certain food groups but honestly no one can live like that. We are not robots. We don't all run on the same program and to help someone for the rest of their life you need to know who they are and how they got there. This takes listening and an open mind coupled with knowledge of nutrition and physical fitness. If you can find that in a trainer, coach , counselor or buddy then you are doing well. Mr. Know-it-All Personal Trainer may know how to burn calories and build muscle but most people need more than that.

The Food Pusher

2009-09-14T15:49:00.000-04:00

We all have them in our lives. The "Evil Food Pusher". They are just as destructive to your success as the "Back-handed Compliment Relative" or the "Misery Loves Company Foodie". We have all had those experiences where in our minds we are lunging over the table, grabbing the person by the throat and stuffing them like a turkey just to shut them up but instead we usually smile and (not to disappoint) give in to their food pushing ways. Since the holidays are right around the corner I found an article that gives some good advice on the subject:

They should be your biggest supporters: your best friend, your mother-in-law, your sister. You tell them you are committed to changing your eating habits to lower cholesterol and reduce your risk of heart disease. They offer their full support, and then five minutes later, they hand you a brownie.

Don’t blame them; most food pushers aren’t trying to derail you. Believe it or not, they’re trying to please you. The best way to handle them is to understand them and kill them with kindness
Identify your food pushers and the impact they have on your diet.

Food Pushers Are:

•People who ask you if you want something they know isn’t part of your diet plan.
•People who tell you that you look beautiful the way you are, when you know you’re at an unhealthy weight.
•People who give you dessert when you don’t ask for it.
•People who insist you eat something, when you’ve already said no.
If the impact is substantial, tell them how their actions hinder your weight-loss success. During the conversation, ask for their help. Be clear in those requests. Let the person know whether you want moral support, encouragement, guidance, or assistance with discipline.

The key is to remember not to take their pushing personally. They often do it unintentionally.
A convention in polite society is to offer food more than once. Just say ”No, thank you” without any explanations. If you have to, say it over and over. The food pusher will get the message that you are not going to take the food, while you are still being polite.

Katherine Tallmadge, R.D., a Washington, D.C., nutrition consultant and author of Diet Simple (LifeLine Press, 2002), agrees.

“If you say ‘No, thanks, I’m watching it’ or ‘I’m on a diet,’ you are giving the pusher a double signal,” she says. “You are telling them ‘I’d like it, I just can’t have it; talk me into it.’ Odds are, they will.”
When you act like the diet you’re on is frustrating, the people around you will pick up on it.

Food pushers will subconsciously think it’s the broccoli that’s making you so unhappy, so they will keep asking you if you want a something sweet or extra-salty to boost your mood. The people who are around you most, and love you, don’t want to see you miserable because of what you’re eating, especially when they feel like dessert will make you feel better
Offering someone food can be an expression of love. If the food gets rejected, the person offering it feels rejected. You see this a lot with mothers and in-laws.

For family situations, compliment the food pusher on the foods you want more of. If your sister-in-law makes a terrific salad in addition to high-fat treats, tell her how much you look forward to eating her salads.

Most food pushers aim to please, so when they keep hearing about what you love to eat, they’ll get the hint and start making the things you enjoy most
Backing up your healthy lifestyle with explainable goals will help you keep food pushers at bay.

Know Your Weight and Health Numbers
When you know your blood pressure, blood glucose, and cholesterol levels, you will be able to better determine and fully understand appropriate goals for yourself and, if you’re comfortable, share them with others.

Eat Breakfast Every Day
When you start your day with a healthful breakfast, you’ll feel more satisfied and you’ll be less hungry when a food pusher offers you something.

Find Supportive Friends
Everyone needs a little motivation and inspiration. Reaching your goals will be much easier if you have a strong support group at your side (and with you to face a food pusher).

Don’t Let Others Bring You Down
Some food pushers feel guilty about their own eating habits and want you to join in so they can feel better about themselves. Say no to their pushing: See if they want to join you in your new, healthy ways.

When a food pusher asks you if you want that doughnut, remind yourself of what’s important. That small treat may be just one little snack, but it could lead to a load of other snacks. And when you say “No, thanks,” realize that you are healthier because you rejected it.

Tell the people who love you about your plans to eat healthfully and exercise. Knowing that you’ll live longer and have more time with them will mean a lot more than eating those empty calories.

A Follow Up to my Previous Blog.

2009-09-14T15:28:00.000-04:00

I really appreciate every one's opinion on the matter of WLS. Even though some do not want to accept it, it is becoming a trend..a fad almost. I personally know people that have had it and use it properly and people that don't. My frustration lies in the person that thinks of it as a quick fix. Now for all of the negative comments. All I can say is before you call me out for being wrong please do your research. As a nurse pointed out in a comment, if you are self pay most doctors will do anything. Also about the plastic surgery. Insurance companies will cover it if the doctor can prove it is interfering with your day to day activities because then it is considered reconstructive and not cosmetic. A few skin rashes and a couple of persrciptions for ointment gets your foot in the door. It all depends on th experience of the Doctor and his billing and coding team.
Now, I enjoy keeping this blog public because I really don't have anything to hide. I have received at least 200 emails over the past year from women that say they can relate and that thank me for being a motivation. In turn I have received hate mail. Funny actually because it usually all comes from the same IP address but I must be too ignorant to look that up right? So for all of the people that want to be negative do yourself a favor and work on you own health and your own life. Hiding behind fake screen names does not affect me....just ends up proving that Ugly is more than skin deep.

Being Fat is Hard, Losing weight is Hard...

2009-09-09T13:52:00.000-04:00

Choose your Hard!
I am probably going to ruffle some feathers with this post but this is MY blog and I guess it is a form of therapy for me.
I was asked yet again over the weekend if I had weight loss surgery. I didn't and I will scream it from the roof tops. In my mind there are a few reasons to get the procedure and laziness or lack of will should not be one of those reasons. Maybe you have tried and failed a few times and there are medical reasons that you need the weight off..surgery is then an option but I think it needs to be combined with therapy and exercise to be successful. In the past 2 months I have seen at least 3 people I know jump into surgery. No pre-op obligations to meet at all. Really it is just a lack of authority on the insurance company's part and a whole lot of greed on the doctors part. I have seen appointment to surgery progress in as little as 4 weeks with no diet history, no medical problems and a need to only lose 75 pounds. This just lights a fire under my ass.
I will be the first to admit that I went to the orientation and really looked into surgery. Because of financial reasons and fear I backed out and have been on the track to lose the weight myself. I understand that some people cannot do it. I really do because I was a yo-yo dieter for years but don't the doctors have some sort of responsibility to stop these over night surgery fans. I mean it has become the social norm to have your mouth surgically routed to your ass for weight loss. Years ago people would whisper with suspicion behind your back if you have weight loss surgery and now they treat it like a prize. Smiling and congratulating the woman that went to Mexico because she had so little to lose an American doctor wouldn't touch her but she just had to lose that 50 pounds somehow.I have loose skin and I will have to pay for removal or live with it because my insurance company will only pay for it IF I have had WLS. Seriously?
I am sore everyday, I push myself everyday. Sometimes I am so tired I just want to break down in tears. I push myself to my physical limit all of the time. I eat clean and I struggle. I look in the mirror and still see how far I have to go. I should be proud. I should be thrilled to show my old ID at the store. The truth is sometimes I lie and say I don't have it just so I don't have to get into the great weight loss debate with the nosey cashier. It's never easy. It's hard but at the end of the day I am happy with the path I chose.

Take that you evil plateau...

2009-08-31T15:57:00.000-04:00

Well after bouncing around the scale for the past month and ony losing those pesky 8 pounds in 2 months I dropped 3 pounds this week :o) All I can say is Yipeee!Finally some more real progress. My eating was very clean and my workouts were as follows:
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Couch to 5k
Wednesday: Elliptical 20 minutes/ Weights 40 minutes
Thursday: Couch to 5k
Friday: Elliptical 20 minutes/ Weights 40 minutes (slept through Zumba)
Saturday: Trail Run
Sunday: 36 miles on the bike.

This week will be about the same but I hope to not sleep through Zumba because it is my favorite. I have a fabulous wedding reception to attend this weekend of a dear old friend. I am happy that I run that day so I don't have to stress out about what I put in my mouth that night.I love getting dressed up again and welcome the reasons to do so. Honestly during the week the only things that touch my face are chapstick,cleanser and lotion. My look screams "gym rat" and I am prud of it..lol.

8 Pounds.....

2009-08-24T15:48:00.000-04:00

In 2 months time I have only lost 8 more pounds. Now I may have only lost 8 pounds but I have also lost 1 inch from my hips and 1 inch from each thigh. I also trained for and complete my first Triathlon. I have put over 450 miles on my bike and have had some form of exercise every day except four. So at first I was upset about this 8 pounds but it could be worse..I could of gained 8 pounds. I could of sat on my ass that whole time and not moved. I could of ate unhealthy foods but the point is that I didn't, I have still been diligent about my healthy lifestyle. So 8 pounds makes me happy, so happy that I googled 8 pounds.

Feeling Fantastic!!!

2009-08-18T14:41:00.000-04:00

I am so thankful the supplements are working and the chiropractor has fixed me up. I was able to hit up my 15 mile ride Saturday night and was right back at the gym this week. 45 minutes of cardio yesterday and 20 minutes of cardio today and 30 minutes of weights. The rest of the week looks like 45 cardio, 20 cardio & weights, Zumba Friday and then a 34 mile ride this weekend. Again, I am so happy I am feeling back to 100%, well at least 95%. I still have a little bit of a cough left but it is fading quickly. So since I am feeling so fantastic I am sharing a recipe for Lo Mein made with Tofu Shirataki noodles:

Ingredients:
3 bags House Foods Tofu Shirataki, original spaghetti shape
One 10 - 16 oz. bag frozen Chinese-style stir-fry mixed veggies (with broccoli, water chestnuts, etc.)
8 oz. raw boneless skinless lean chicken breast; cut into strips
1 cup bean sprouts
1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
1/2 cup thinly sliced zucchini
1/2 cup chopped scallions
1/4 cup shredded carrots
1/4 cup reduced sodium or light soy sauce
1 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tsp. chicken-flavored powdered consommé/bouillon (like the one by Osem, which can be found with the kosher items at the supermarket)
2 no-calorie sweetener packets (like Splenda)

Directions:
Rinse and drain Tofu Shirataki noodles VERY well. Dry them thoroughly, and run a knife or kitchen shears through 'em a few times (so noodles aren't as long). Set aside. To make sauce, combine soy sauce, cornstarch, consommé/bouillon, and sweetener with 1/2 cup of hot water. Stir well and set aside. Bring a large pan or a wok sprayed with nonstick spray to medium-high heat. Add chicken and all the veggies (the frozen and the fresh ones). Stirring frequently, cook for 5 - 7 minutes (until chicken is cooked throughout and frozen veggies are heated). Pour sauce into pan/wok, stir well, and continue to cook until sauce has thickened. Lastly, add in the noodles, and cook until entire dish is thoroughly mixed and heated. MAKES 4 SERVINGS

Serving Size: 1/4th of recipe (1 HUGE serving)
Calories: 167
Fat: 1.5g
Sodium: 925mg
Carbs: 19g
Fiber: 6g
Sugars: 4g
Protein: 18g

POINTS® value 3*

Doctor,Doctor gimme the news................

2009-08-14T21:15:00.000-04:00

I have been run down lately. Weak, dizzy, upset stomach, tired ect... I carb loaded and drank 3 power zeros just to get through that triathlon. I avoided the doctor for a while because I honeslty didn't want to hear about it. I figured it's humid, I am working out hard maybe I just need to hydrate more. Not so. My body is jacked up. I have a shit ton of vitamins and suppliments now to get my levels up. I was referred to a chiropractor for my back and was told I have osteoarthritis in my spine along with is being grossly out of place. I now I have 4 appointments within the next week and was told I couldn't run until it was better. I am not such a fan of running anyway but to be told you have the spine of a 60 year old is a little depressing. I was told to avoid my bike for a week to I wasn't in that scrunched position..LOL, I really don't see that happening. A week? I get antsy if I haven't ridden in 2-3 days.
So how did this happen? I have no idea how I screwed my back up, I have been in 8 car accidents and I fell down the steps last year but it has just now really started hurting. The levels are all my fault. 5 months ago I decided to get a bodybugg, I wanted to focus on my calorie deficit because I had hit a plateau on Weight Watchers. I have had a ton of problems with this device. I loved it for the first month and then it seemed like the numbers were off. Sometimes when I would take it off to shower it wouldn't even register being removed. So instead of me counting my WW points and getting in my 8 HG's I started using this bodybugg. So even though I was eating my points (calories) I was also pushing super hard in order to get to the 1000 calorie deficit. Too hard. 2 hours a day work outs. 1 hour at the gym, 1 hour at home and on cycling days anywhere from 1-4 hours. The people at Apex are sending me a new bugg to try.We both agree it wasn't reading properly. I am going to use this to calculate activiy points and not concentrate on that deficit so much. The point system works. I lost over 100 pounds counting points, the rest screwing around with my body. Now I return humbly to what works for me to shed the remainder of the weight. My mindset is already there and the mental hunger has already faded with this choice...it's true, the program works if you work it.

1 hour 33 minutes....

2009-08-11T22:06:00.000-04:00

That is how long it took me to complete my first sprint triathlon. Race day is such a blur. Almost 16 months ago to the day I started my weight loss journey. I have lost so much weight but gained so much life. I still want to fast forward off this last 50+ pounds, I still didn't feel like I felt in wearing a bathing suit and spandex but I did it. I am proud.
The day started off with thunderstorms. We had no idea if they would even run it but headed up anyway. I was scared and kept hydrating. The day before I had thrown up from coughing too hard and was living off of halls.(I still am) Once I saw the water I wanted to cry. It was so rough from the storms. I just kept thinking there was no way I could swim that. The water was so bad they moved the buoys closer to the shore for safety. I racked my bike and and set up my little area. The start of the swim was chaos. We started in 3 waves and I was in the last one. By the time I came out of the water my heart could barely stay in my chest and instead of throwing on my cycling shoes and going I sat down on my towel. I just needed to get my bearings. I hurried up and slid in my spandex knickers, put on my cycling shoes and mounted up.
The cycling portion was rolling hills of 9.25 miles. It flew by. I passed about 20 people. I knew I would do well on this because it is my strongest event. I clipped along between 16 and 20 miles per hour and took in my GU about 4 miles in. Then it was time to get off my lovely bike and start the run. This was horrible. The sun came out and the breeze died down. I struggled for the first mile trying to find a good stride and I finally decided to walk. I walked quickly and broke down in tears. I was cramping, my lungs hurt and I was just plain tired. Despite my best effort to hydrate I forgot to drink on my bike and my hands were swelling. I stopped at the water station and saw another racer coming up behind me. We walked the last mile together talking about our girls and why we were doing this. It helped and I was thrilled to see the finish line.
I want to lose the rest of this weight now more than ever. I don't want to lug around this extra as I am trying to be active and healthy. I am sick of my ass not shrinking and of my flabby arms. I thought a year and I would be done..now I am thinking it will take 2. I am not in a hurry but I really want my outside to match my fitness level.
Overall I learned two things:
I can do anything I set my mind to.
Head to toe spandex is not flattering...at all.

300 swim, 9.25 bike, 5k run 1hr 33min
Jeramy's time 1hr 1min

A picture worth a thousand words...

2009-08-03T22:54:00.001-04:00

I am a choo-choo train..

2009-07-29T13:54:00.000-04:00

Jeramy recently pointed out I am a choo choo train and not a race car. I can just keep going and going and going. This made me laugh because it is true. I just went to www.fatcyclist.com to read his blog and it brings back so many memories of when my grandmother was dying. She is the reason I turned my life around and got control of my health. I wanted to fight, to live every day to the fullest until the very end and I still do. I wish she could be here to see what I have done, to watch me cross the finish line next weekend but she won't. She lived her life and now I am finally living mine. I am so tired, sore and I have a chest cold. My Grandfather's dementia is at a level 5 now and his pulse is down to 30 yet when I saw him he was still full of a little spunk and made me laugh. After he is gone all I have left of my immediate family is my Mom and Brother. I think of how lonely it is sometimes not being able to call my Dad or Grandma and have that shoulder to cry on or just the support and unconditional love they always gave. I recently had a friend tell me she remembered how much she admired my strength when my dad passed. I must of projected something completely different on the outside compared to what I was feeling on the inside. I remember how hard it was for him to walk the length of our yard towards the end because the circulation was so bad in his legs, defeating for a man that used to play AA Baseball . So next weekend as my knees hurt and my lungs burn, just when I don't think I can do it anymore I will remember how hard my Dad and Grandma fought until the end. No matter how long it takes me I will cross the finish line.

The tic-toc of the clock is painful.....

2009-07-08T20:51:00.000-04:00

My first triathlon is 5 weeks away and I am doubting my abilities. My goal since starting this journey has been just to finish. Now, I have some set times in my head. The swim should take me about 10 minutes (I hope). I have never swam with a large group of people and honestly it terrifies me but I am sure we will all be adults about it. The ride should not take me any longer than 30 minutes. It is a flat 9 mile course and then there is the run. I should be able to walk/run the 5k in around 40 minutes. These times are slow honestly, my dear hubby will be done in about half of the time but to lose the amount of weight I have lost and cross the finish line of a triathlon will be enough for me.
I need to start adding bricks to my training. Right now I either ride, lift or run with a day of zumba and a 45 minute elliptical routine thrown in. I work out about 15 hours a week between cycling and the gym. Next week I need to ride to the gym and run and then ride home. I am also switching to smoothies for breakfast. I can't seem to find a cereal with the right sugar levels. I either get the shakes and upset tummy from too much sugar or I get light headed and tired from not enough. The smoothie seems to be the right balance and I can add protien to make up for the fact that I barely ever eat meat.
So on the weightloss front I lost 1 pound last week. Yay! Seriously after all of the crap that went wrong here that one pound feels like twenty. Also, our WW summer challenge started and I am again on a wonderful team of determined women. They are the little bit of extra support I need. So many of them call me an insperation but seriously when I read about the things they have done and both their scale victories and NSV's I am both proud and remotivated. Loser Vibes to all :o)

It all started with a flat tire.

2009-07-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Sunday before last was father's day and Jeramy and I decided to ride the trail from Marne to Muskegon. 52 ish miles round trip. Outside of Muskegon I got a flat. A little tiny sharp rock did my rear wheel in and when Jeramy went to change it the stem came off the spare. So Jeramy took off towards the truck. Thankfully I downloaded Smarter than a 5th Grader on the cell.
Two days later the thermostat blew in my 90 gallon fish tank sending the heater to 95 degrees, death by cooking 5 cichlids. Wednesday rolls around and there is something wrong with our water pressure and I wake up Thursday morning to a flooded basement form a broken line down in the well. Our basement is now gutted. Carpet, vinyl,tile, toilet, vanity...all gone. It is slowly being rebuilt but you an definitely tell these people work by the hour. We are getting a totally new basement out of this but it is hard to wait and even harder knowing that $5,000 of your personal belongings were ruined and we have to sit around and wait for our insurance check to replace them. All in all the damage came in right around $12,000. Adding to our chaos Jeramy got stung in the eye by a wasp Saturday while giving Chloe her new bike. He is allergic so you can imagine what his face looked like even though he promptly took his steroids.
Rehashing this on a weight loss blog seems odd, right? Not really. How many times have all of us let life's little bumps throw us off of our healthy habits? I will not lie I did break a little and ending up eating Taco Bell. I ate it, got over it, wrote it down and moved on. I knew I couldn't let the stress dictate my food choices and I am still fighting it. It is easier once I am done working out but it is just proof that each and every day it is still a struggle to overcome my addiction. Fatty food makes me sick, I actually get a "hangover" from it but I still crave it. It is times this this, when I feel so mentally beat down that I can sit and realize I am still in control and be proud of how far I have come...Of course one more thing goes wrong and you may find me knee deep and cheesecake and screaming for a way out.

Tales from the scale...

2009-06-18T10:57:00.000-04:00

I have been on 4 scales in the last week..A big no no in terms of weight loss. For the past year I have avoided any other scale because I knew seeing a different number would mentally break me down. I came to accept my highest weight and documented all my losses on the same scale. Something this week felt off, I remembered being at this "weight" when I was younger, something wasn't right. Then came my quest for my real weight. I was ready to accept it no matter what. 4 scales later,2 of them matched. Heavier than my home scale. Standing on my tiptoes and pressing down I still can't get that weight on my home scale which probably means my starting weight was off too. I have decided to only weigh myself at the gym now. By no means does this take away any of my victories, on the scale or off. It just means I have a little more to lose than I thought I did to get where I want to be. 63 pounds to be exact. So 63 it is, that's the final number folks.

Couch to 5k Update...-146 pounds

2009-06-16T22:09:00.000-04:00

Week 2 day 1 is under my belt and I seriously didn't die, I think I may have felt like it during the 6th interval but I am still alive.I can only stress so much I AM NOT A RUNNER. In my mind the only reason to run is if I am being chased by something bigger or meaner than me. The pain has pretty much left and I am getting my breathing under control. Well that is if you consider huffing and puffing under control. My pace sucks and during some intervals I find myself doing math problems in my head to stop my mind from talking me out of this pointless endeavor. I envy runners. Just like anything else I am doing this for me, to say I did it and can run a 5k but I would much rather pedal 100 miles than run just 3.
I only lost 1 pound last week but I know why and am sure it will be made up for next week. You see Jeramy raced Le Tour De Mont Pleasant (34.5 miles in 1 hour 37 minutes) and I planned out my food choices for the entire day to fit within my calories/points which included a trip to the pita pit for a gyro on a whole wheat pita. I was expecting a yummy gyro with fresh lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber sauce. Blech...what they had was processed presliced meat loaded with crap. I allotted for the calories but not the sodium so within 8 hours I could already feel the extra water. So much so that 4 bottles of H2o did not even warrant a trip to the potty. Ok lesson learned...my body can no longer handle anything processed. On that note it is time to google the poundage again. As you can see from the picture I lost a prize winning 4-H farm animal :o)

New Balance Lab Rat

2009-06-11T14:05:00.000-04:00

I am so excited!! I got picked to be a New Balance product tester. Yay me. I get to try all of the handy dandy new shoes before they even hit the market. Use, review, and return. Then do it all over again. My first pair will be the WR1012. This should be fun. It will definitely make the couch to 5k more fun because today was week 1 day 2 and I still didn't like it. I did it but I didn't like it.
The scale is a funny thing. The more it moves the less the measuring tape does and the less it moves the more the measuring tape does. I wish they would have a meeting and agree with each other. It's like watching the weather on 2 different stations...it's just never the same.
I just want to shop!!Seriously, as much as I want to get this last 30-40 pounds off for health I am just as anxious to buy a new wardrobe. There are so many things I see that I want but I refuse to spend the money until I am "done" (whatever that is). I have picked up some t-shirts and chopped and cuffed some jeans into capris but even the thrifty goodwill girl in me would love to just go crazy at the mall. Soon, it is my ultimate reward..health and new clothes :o)
My dear friend Aimee found this wonderful blog. This blogger has some of the most unique and yummy recipes I have seen in a while. Yum.

And there she goes..

2009-06-09T14:08:00.001-04:00

Nashbar knickers BAD, Aerotech knickers Good. Yep I found out the hard way that some spandex is better than others. Do not buy the Nashbar brand, when you sweat the dye bleeds through..cheap cheap cheap.

Anyway, wearing my fancy smancy new lycra shorts I shaved 8 minutes off of my 34 mile trip. That means I averaged a mile per hour faster than my best time ever. YAY! Seriously I felt like super woman.To think this time last year I was struggling to go 10 miles in an hour and now I can go 34 miles in 2 hours is amazing. That is an easy fun pace.

I completed Week 1 Day 1 of the couch to 5k today. I was running before but it was getting sloppy so I decided to start from scratch and it felt amazing. I plan on completing the training because my way was just causing sore legs and cramped feet, so I will learn to pace myself. I found a great podcast for the program so in 9 weeks I will be a runner..hahahah, well, I will have run. I am a cyclist because that is something I enjoy. I am going to try to let myself enjoy running and hopefully it will come in time.

I lost 3 more pounds this week bringing me to a total loss of 145. I can only take credit for 2 of those pounds, the 3rd one I believe was water but at least it's gone now. :o)

The wheels on my bike go round and round...

2009-06-03T22:47:00.001-04:00

I have logged around 350 miles so far this riding season, not bad since it is only June 3rd. Between the gym and cycling things are starting to shrink a little faster and I am starting to feel great.
I lost 1 pound last week bringing my total to 142, yay! 8 more pounds and I will have lost my hubby and then I have to give the girls at my gym a "success" story. I know it will help others to share my story but most days I still feel 142 pounds heavier. It's called body dismorphia and I am working on it. I am starting to accept my smaller form but am still shocked when I sometimes catch my reflection by surprise. People are nicer and smile more but I can't blame that on them. It could be that I am smiling more and actually make eye contact again. Overall I am feeling Fan-freakin-tastic.
This was Jeramy's idea of fun this weekend and I actually made good time considering the "hills". It was a little over 32 miles and took around 2 hours. And yes, at one point I thought for sure I was going to puke!

Spandex is a Privilege, Not a Right!!

2009-05-28T20:30:00.000-04:00

Me: "My ass hurts"
Jeramy: "You need spandex with a chamois"
Me: "Seriously? Ugh..no"
Jeramy: "Yeah, you need to order some and a sleeveless jersey to get rid of that funny tan"
Me: "ok, fine..if you say they will help."

This conversation was the beginninig of my horror. Spandex! Oh yuck. Jeramy looks fine in his, of course he does. He is tall, toned and weighs 150 pounds. I decided on knickers because at least they would cover that lump of fat above my knee. I didn't want to go too expensive because by the end of the season they will be too big anyway (hopefully). I placed my order for a pair of XL Nashbar Echo Knickers and a XL Pearl Izumi Sleeveless Jersey.They showed up in the mail today and I just stared at the tiny stretchy attire. Obviously, the extra large gods have not seen my ass. Seriously, I had no idea how all this was going to fit into that. True to form Jeramy was encouraging and said I was crazy and to go try them on. In the bedroom I sized up these knickers and prepared myself for the worst. I wore a pair of spanx once and think I slipped a disk trying to get into them. Oh my god!! They went on. A little loose in the waist, tight in the derriere and thighs and a little loose around the knees. The chamois felt like a diaper. I slipped the jersey on and it fit perfectly, even a little baggy in places. I am not used to or comfortable with wearing bottoms that tight but I will give it a try. Hopefully I don't look like that guy.

That's a Big Fish..

2009-05-26T17:49:00.000-04:00

I rested up yesterday after 8 days straight of working out. I have kicked my own butt for the past week, my schedule looked like this:

Sun: 15 Miles Cycling
Mon: 45 Min Elliptical
Tue: 30 Min treadmill 30 min weights
Wed: 4 Miles walk on the trail (1 hour)
Thu: 30 Min elliptical 30 min weights
Fri: Zumba was cancelled ;o( 25 min treadmill 15 min elliptical 15 min recumbent
Sat: 30 Miles cycling (major hills)
Sun: 34 Miles Cycling.

I wanted to go 50 miles Sunday but my legs just wouldn't have it. For good reason they were tired and needed some rest. The best part was getting up to 30 mph going downhill on the way into Sheridan. What a rush.

I lost 2 pounds and that tbrought my total to 141. I am always swollen on weeks I push hard like that so hopefuly the water weight will subside and the scale will show a little more for all of my hard work.

I Googled my loss and found the picture of this giant halibut. Ok that's a big fish.

139 Pounds..GONE!

2009-05-18T21:48:00.000-04:00

I lost 3 pounds this week for a total of 139. I am thrilled beyond belief. Excited, determined and refreshed. Zyrtec is my friend. Allergies are under control and my muscles recieved a well deserved break.As I was riding my weight loss high I got a negative phone call, my buzz kill came in the form of someone disbelieving my weight loss and commitment to fitness. Yeah, screw them.
On an upside we went to visit my father-in-law last night and he was so shocked when he saw me. He hadn't seen me in about 3 months and was full of compliments. It's funny how the weight loss effects other people. It's my body and my journey but it really pulls out some peoples insecurities but it also shows you who is on your team. who really loved you but in the same breath are thrilled to see you healthy and happy.
Speaking of happy I got on my bike yesterday and we went or a quick 15 miles. Not far but it was fun and my head and chest were still complaining from my allergies. This weekend I would like to get in about 70-75 miles. CatEye bike computers came out with a new cycling computer that Pink for The Cure so naturally I had to have it. I guess now I can stop asking Jeramy how fast we are going and how much farther until we get there,LOL.

Seriously?!?

2009-05-16T15:24:00.000-04:00

The week started out with a not so stellar weigh in and I came to terms with that. Matter of fact the scale has inched down quite nicely since then. I have been horribley ill since I cleaned out the flower beds on Tuesday. Wednesday I went to the gym and hit it hard for an hour, by Wednesday night I was already wheezing and hacking stuff up. Thursday I awoke with the same lovliness deep in my lungs and I hauled my ass to the gym anyway. After 45 minutes on the ellptical my chest was on fire. When Jeramy came home from work he talked me out of Zumba...it didn't take much talking. So I have been a sick, coughing, sneezing bump on a log since Thursday. On the plus side I am not the type that eats when sick..I actually hate it. So between toast, coffee and alot of water I almost feel detoxed and like my body really needed these few days of rest. I am still congested but hoping to wake up better and climb on my bike.
I love my bike. I love not really having to think about it and just letting my mind release. I love the fast descents and even though I don't love the steep climbs I do love the feeling of accomplishment I have at the top. I want nothing more than to feel better and be on that bike tomorrow.

My first ride with my new feet and other frustrations...

2009-05-11T16:50:00.000-04:00

Even though Sunday was chilly it was still sunny and I was determined to try out my new pedals and shoes. My husband was terrified I was going to either hate them or not be able to figure them out. Well, I figured them out within about 5 seconds and I hated them for the first 8 miles. When your feet feel like they are welded to the pedal everything else has to be perfect. The cleats and pedals added about an 1/8 of an inch so my seat had to go up and my right cleat was 1/4 of an inch too far forward so it was adding pressure to my knee. I know small numbers but trust me they make a huge difference. The next 9 miles were a little grueling as I relearned how to pedal but the remaining 17 miles where better and overall I love the new setup. I even shaved 10 minutes off of my best 34 mile time so I guess there is something to be said for clipless.
So a day after I overcame the fustrations of the new pedals I had to weigh in. Now my calorie deficit all week has been 1000+ a day, I worked out every day except Saturday and I eat mostly veggies and whole grains, yogurt and fruit. I eat meat only about once a week, I drink protien and take vitamins. I get my fiber and oils. I change up my routine at the gym and quite frankly I work my ass off. The scale did not budge
I know there are all kinds of reasons and in my brain I accept them but in my heart I am tired. I know I will probably have a great weigh in next week but that doesn't change how I feel today. It doesn't change things and I won't give up but now that I have less than 50 pounds to lose (all of which I seem to be carrying in my lower stomach,thighs,and ass) I notice people like to complain to me about losing 25 pounds. C'mon, seriously? I know it is hard to lose weight but I have lost 136 pounds and I really don't want to here about someone trying to lose 25 when I am currently trying, struggling, to get to their size. It's just one of those days.

Training might be the death of me

2009-05-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

In three months, 13 weeks to be exact, I will be participating in my very first Triathlon. It is a Sprint Triathlon in Freemont Michigan. Swim 300 meters, Cycle 9 miles, Run 5k. I am excited and a little terrified. Hopefully I will be 25 pounds lighter by then to ease some of the strain on my knees but regardless I plan on hitting it full steam ahead.
For Mother's day I asked for new cycling shoes and clipless pedals, I was beyond excited to get them early and will get to try them out Sunday morning. Last weeks work out was grueling and alot of people ask what I do so I will break it down:

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: 90 minutes free step
Wednesday: 45 minutes treadmills running intervals
Thursday: 40 minutes Elliptical/ 30 minutes weight training
Friday: 45 minute Zumba Class/ 20 minutes treadmill running intervals
Saturday: 35 Miles Cycling/ 30 minutes weight training
Sunday: 23 Miles Cycling hill work

I have been at this for months...10 months to be exact, 13 months on WW. I should be a freakin' size 2 (yeah right) but alas my body only gives a little at a time. On the flip side I am thrilled that I can keep at it and I love to push myself a little more physically every day. It's a hell of alot more than I could do a year ago.

School is almost out and the girls have noticed how much more active I am with them. School activities aren't such a chore anymore.I have to add that my little gifted Aspen is now at a 3rd grade reading level yet still almost as small as her little sister. That poor girl will be lucky if she grows to 5 foot. Brianne has joined band and the highlight of Chloe's day is going to the gym with us. They have stopped complaining about the Boca burgers and tofu noodles, heck I think they might even like the powdered peanut butter.

I was going to race the Tour De Mont Pleasant which is a USA cycling event but I think I am leaving that one up to Jeramy. I will happily be a cheering spectator because it is not often you get to meet pro cyclist. Jeramy works crazy hours (knock on wood) so his training is limited but I am positive he will hold his own.

Biggest Loser Fans: Vote for Mike!!

134 Pound Burger and The Fear of Success

2009-04-27T18:18:00.000-04:00

I have alot to say today..big surprise right? I have alot of blog followers and get emails from all over the world.The supports is amazing and the questions always stir something inside of me, they tend to make me dig a little deeper. Just today an old high school friend asked if I had a "fear of success". At first I laughed that off..heck no, we all want to succeed. But did I really? I knew the fat me wasn't the real me but I had built a life around that girl. The dribble and compliance that came out of my mouth wasn't me but it was better than being judged for being fat. I was and still am scared of who I would become once the fat was gone and I was free to be me. Would my husband still love me? Would my Friends still be there? Would I finally be happy? These are all questions that weigh on my mind all of the time. I think in some ways my husband loves me more. Recently he left me this message "You have my full support, my oh-so beautiful lady. I have been with you through the past 8 years of life and am just amazed at how far you have come to make the ultimate change in your life as well as mine and our princesses'. I will never let you fall. I LOVE YOU!!!"
Some of my friends have stuck by me, some have drifted away and I have made some new ones. I have admittedly burnt some bridges while trying to find myself. I needed to work on myself and not deal with anyones's bullshit so in turn I lost some family as well as friends. I saddens me that this had to happen and even though I bitch endlessly on this blog about my sister in law the relationship with her is one that I wish was different. It probably won't ever be and that is something I have learned to accept. I stopped wanting her stamp of approval since discovering she never liked me to begin with. It is was it is and so I go on.
Head up I push through the pain, sweat, temptations and many tears to continue my journey. Today I stepped on the scale and am down 134 pounds. I am officially the lightest I have been in 10 years. 10 years wasted on self pity, self doubt and hiding my true self from the world. I am definitely making up for lost time. My ticker says I have 30 more pounds to lose, I can already tell that will not be enough for me to be at the athletic level I would like but there isn't a finish line anyway.
Googling my pounds lost I found a world record hamburger they make in Detroit. It costs $350.00 and weighs in at 134 pounds. I think this may be the funniest one so far.

Half -Century

2009-04-23T18:01:00.000-04:00

This weekend we are going on a ride, it is consider a half-century because it is 50 miles. It was important to me to pick a distance that meant something and to push myself. My dad died 15 years ago of heart failure at the age of 49 so I decided to ride at least 49 miles to remember him and to remember why I have made the changes in my life that I have. We welcome company on our ride, we are going to be a Musketawa trail head in Marne at 11am Saturday, email for more info if you want to go.

Musketawa trail
Find more Bike Rides in Marne To Muskegon, Michigan

Walk To Mackinac Challenge

2009-04-15T23:33:00.001-04:00

I guess I am walking to Mackinac from Greenville, well that's what my gym tells me anyway. The challenge is actually a cute idea, motivating. We get a t-shirt. The premise is that for every mile we run we log it, for every 20 minutes on the elliptical or in aerobics class we log 1 mile, for every 30 minutes of weight training we log a mile and for every 4 miles we ride our bikes..well, you got it, we log a mile. We have to log at least 2.4 miles a day to get to our goal within the 90 days. This should keep me truckin'. I logged 2.1 miles today.

I can't help but say that as I am typing this I am watching an ABC News Special on "gifted" children and I can relate. My little middle daughter has been labeled as such. She is the tiniest girl in the class, one of the youngest and the school has asked to accelerate her into 1st grade for Math and Reading. She is 5 and reads at a last semester 1st grade level, same with math...pretty much same with everything. We are struggling with the idea of skipping her a grade. She is tiny and thinks her friends are just being silly when they say they can't read and write or speak spanish. She doesn't relate intellectually but socially I don't want her to be awkward either. We agreed to let them move her up for reading and math and to hold off until next year to see if she needs to skip completely. She is so tiny, polite and caring and her intelligence comes so naturally she doesn't understand when other kids don't get it but instead of judging she teaches them. She amazes me every day. All 3 of my girls are special in their own way, the oldest athletic and quite the social butterfly and the youngest, at 3, has the best sense of humor in a spitfire way even though she now spends 2 hours a day playing NickJr.com games.

Some days, when I just want to throw in the towel I realize that I want to be there when these 3 little girls become amazing women. I want to be there when they graduate, get married and have babies. I will not be a victim of myself.

Happy Anniversary to Me!!

2009-04-08T14:07:00.000-04:00

On April 7th 2008 I rededicated myself to getting healthy and I have come a long way. I have lost 129 pounds in that year and gained so much life. Honestly it has been the best experience and I am so proud of myself. I set my first "goal" 35 pound from now. I will probably lose 15-20 more than that to make me satisfied but my new lifestyle will never change, this is the new me, this is the way I have to live my life and I love it. There are times I still want to eat crap but I have found alternatives. Just a year ago someone posted a very nasty comic of a heavy woman and a thin man in the "bedroom"...this was a hateful comic referring to me. Now this person pretended to be my friend so it hurt even more when I saw it smeared on the internet for everyone to see. Sadly just weeks before I had received emails from this friends "friend" warning me about all of the hurtful, mean things she was saying. I am an adult but when people knock you down without knowing why you are the way you are or assuming you are just fat and lazy it really hurts. Why would I rehash this a year later? Something that seems so petty and worthless. Well, because I can now enjoy the fact that it didn't break me. Living well is the best revenge. I was struggling with my emotions and letting childish behavior reek havoc on my life but along with gaining control I found myself again.

For my 1 year anniversary I tried a new workout at the gym, a hanging reverse crunch. I have been wanting to do this since I started there. I would always see these fit people hanging from this tower and working their abs, I never thought I could do it and yesterday I did a full set. My stomach hurt like hell this morning but I did it and I will do it again. These are all things I can do now that I couldn't a year ago:

Run
Cycle over 25 miles
Play with my children
Shop and not get tired
Buy clothes from the "normal" size rack
Paint my toenails without taking a break
Keep up with my husband
Feel bones in my ankles and collar
Spend 45 minutes on the elliptical
Walk 5 miles without taking a break
No longer fear group exercise
Wear my grandmother's jewelry
Do crunches with 120 pounds
Pull down 90 pounds on the lat machine
Hold yoga poses without shaking
Go to my children's school without embarrassment
Dance and not feel winded
Fit in any seat and not have to scan the room for one that will fit my ass
Speak my mind without the fear of being judged by my weight
Feel satisfied with a serving of dessert instead of the whole thing
Cross my legs
Get on my husbands motorcycle without feeling self conscious
Love myself

Big Fat Lies..

2009-04-01T20:14:00.000-04:00

That's what I told myself as I was gaining all of the weight. I think all of us do it to some point but I feel I was extreme. Yet, still I NEVER lied about my weight. I would just never tell it to anyone. You see every time I had to go buy the next size up I always made an excuse of some sort..the holidays, poorly cut patterns, cheap jeans, different brands...I just never wanted to accept that is was my ass getting bigger and not the clothes getting smaller. I think I told myself these lies to keep from having a break down. The truth is I got heavier because I ate too much and moved too little, I wasn't paying attention to my emotions I was eating them and I thought I would wake up one day and it would all be a bad dream. I find that now I am body dismorphic, sometimes I don't even recognize myself in the reflections I see. I would say I have fat amnesia but I don't. First of all because technically I am still fat, I still have a lot to lose but most of all because I remember. I remember being tired and out of breath, I remember my knees hurting all the time and I remember being terrified of going to my daughters school because I would be stared at...I will never forget. Just like I have a drawer of size 10's I plan on getting into I also have a drawer full of my largest clothes. I still look at them and wonder how I could justify my size but I can't come up with another lie. It was me I was morbidly obese. I am still "overweight" and work towards a healthy body image every day. All this being said I watched Oprah today and Star Jones was on. I can't help but want to slap her. First she lied about surgery and then she lied about her weight and then again she lies and say she has maintained....does she think we are blind? Surgery is a big step and she could of been an intelligent, helpful spokesperson for it but instead she wallowed in shame and hid it away. She also could of told the truth about her weight..C'mon..300lbs. YEAH RIGHT! That's like believing Kristie Alley was 220 at her highest and then she says she is proud to have maintained..no she has gained back a little. I wish these people could just be honest and say it's hard no matter what you do or how you do it, it's damn hard. Women that lie about there weight are only making it worse. A size 10 is not a size 2 so please don't try to tell me you are one when I clearly can see you. I am not blind. People that do this are only hurting themselves. I am proud to say for the first time in a long time I am honest with myself about my weight..I know where I have been and I know where I am going and I am OK with that.

Before and During

2009-03-27T16:53:00.000-04:00

This is the best I can find for progress pictures so far. I am really kicking myself for not taking them the whole time but I wanted to post this to keep myself accountable. I feel like sometimes when I start feeling really good I think I can let things slide a little...not so much. This is a reminder to me that I can never go back and need to keep moving forward. My ass and hips are totally hidden so don't think that I don't still have a ton to lose but I am really happy with the results so far.