Wednesday, May 28, 2008

40 Freakin' Pounds

I have lost 40 pounds. Amazing right? Well, I think the amazing part is that I have so much more to lose. I have been through a personal hell the last couple of years..I mean true hell. From what happened to Brianne to my Grandmother's death and everything in between life has been pretty rough. But through some time spent with old friends I realized I needed to worry more about me and less about everyone else. I wanted to be me again. I "edited" my life so to speak. Negative influences be gone. I miss my dad, I miss my grandma but most of all I missed myself. So this first 40 pounds is alot more than fat. I am starting to peel off this covering I seemed to have put on, my protective shield from reality. You know when you start working on yourself the people that were in the habit of using you don't like it too much. You seem to become their scape goat. The funny thing is being the fat "pretty" girl gets you alot of attention. You suddenly aren't competition anymore so you become an ear, a shoulder to cry on even. I have learned so much by being that shoulder, things people would never want others to know. Part of me wanted to scream those things from the rooftops but then I lost 40 I don't care what those people do with their secrets, their affairs, their hatred. I don't care what they say about me or the lies they tell. Because I know me and karma and Karma are both bitches. I am 40 pounds closer to my goal and this time I am doing it for me.