To inspire.

I am pretty straight forward. I am sure if you have read back to 2008 then you know that. I have left more than half of me on a gym floor or on the streets of Greenville. I have laid it all out there. The tears, the struggles, the loose skin. The weeks without the scale moving. All of it. You know me. I don't pull punches and I speak my mind.

Lately, I have found a quiet strength. I listen more than I ever have. I listen with my eyes and not just my ears. I am overly perceptive of the way people treat me.

Before people would treat me as if the fat was contagious. I don't recall in 10 years time anyone opening a door for me other than my grandfather or my husband. When you are heavy you tend to take extra care of your appearance. You never want people to think you are fat AND don't care about how you look. Because the makeup and expensive clothes will detract from the morbid obesity, right?

Now here is the problem. No matter how hard I smile at a larger person in the store or say hi they look at me oddly. Like I am no longer in the club. Being strangers, they don't know that I was however a member of the club. I often want to hug them and tell them it will be ok and then spend 6 weeks changing their life. Because trust me. No matter how happy they look. They aren't.

So now my goals are about more than finishing a 210 pound weight loss. I really have the desire to inspire everyone around me.  These people need a weight loss coach that has been there. They need someone that used to sit on their ass and eat loads of ice cream and smuggle cheeseburgers home from McDonald's. The struggle doesn't have to be a lonely one and I think I am finally in a place to share that.

Just an updated picture............

Still working, still alive.....

Just busy.

Running 20 mile weeks is hard on weight loss. The problem I have is that I am starving. Seriously, physically starving. Hangry is the word. So hungry I am actually angry.

On top of the 20 miles I run I try to hit my trainer for 10, lift weights 2 days and do a yoga and kettlebell workout in the middle of the week and pilates on Tuesday nights. I am a tired girl. The scale went up the first week of speed work but has since gone right back down. I have had to start depending on GU for long runs.

My running pace has drastically improved in the last year. I am still trying to consistently break a 10 minute mile. I know for a fact I will get there. My fastest mile to date is 9'30". My fastest half mile is 4'20". Some days I feel like a beast and other days I am just so tired. It is getting better as I get strong though.

I have a time goal for my 25k. As time goes on and runs get longer we shall see if I want to adjust my goals. 18 weeks from now I will run 15.5 miles. 126 days.