Before and During

This is the best I can find for progress pictures so far. I am really kicking myself for not taking them the whole time but I wanted to post this to keep myself accountable. I feel like sometimes when I start feeling really good I think I can let things slide a little...not so much. This is a reminder to me that I can never go back and need to keep moving forward. My ass and hips are totally hidden so don't think that I don't still have a ton to lose but I am really happy with the results so far.

We have come so far but the battle is timeless..

These are old ads about weight loss. I laugh when older people think something that the younger generation does to lose weight is extreme. I'll admit we all have our obsessive moments that either burn out and fade away or turn into fierce determination but at least we never bought into this shit. FYI: The name of the first product is Ayds.

126 POUNDS...time to Google!

Monday when I stepped on the scale I had lost nother 2 pounds..I busted my ass for that 2 pounds. Overall last week I traveled over 35 miles in a combination of cycling, running and walking. 23 miles were done in one day on our bikes. Damn..that's all I can say about that. I am really proud of how far I have come physically as well as emotionally. These past few weeks have been a turning point and even though I have always said I don't care what other people think we all know that is not true...until now. I have finally reached the point in my life where I am being selfish, this is for me. I could blame so many events or people for the weight I carried and I have but more than anything I am enjoying my life and my new body that can do things I never thought possible. My heart breaks a little when I see old pictures of myself because I feel like I was trapped. If you have never been there then you will never understand. Being fat effects every bit of your life from the way you dress to the way you speak. We are judged so sharply. A skinny girl leaves the house in jeans, tshirt and a pony tail and she is cute...a fat girl is a slob. I still have so much more to lose to get to my first goal and I am not sure I am even going to be happy with that. I am more or less shooting for a size now instead of a weight. The scale cannot define me as a person but I know what size I FEEL good at. So when I am there..I will know. It may be 38 pounds from now or it could be 60 from now...who knows.

Now on to my favorite weight loss hobby..Google. I am still loving googling the pounds I have lost and today I found some featherweight fighters, a model and a dirt bike. The best of all was a prize winning watermelon..126 pound melon!!! Nice.

An Emotional Mess

Walking into the gym alone I felt great, my husband was at home playing with his motorcycle. I am well past my gym fear and onto how hard can I sweat. I climbed upon the elliptical and set the time for 45 minutes..again everything as usual. About 15 minutes in I started to think about my dad. 15 years ago next month he died. He had his 5th heart attack and was gone. He was fit, in shape and played AA baseball. He was handsome, funny and tall. He loved his family more than anything..I wish he would of loved himself a little more. If just once he would of put down the cigarettes, stopped eating the bacon and got some cardio..well, I believe he would still be here. I have spent years so mad at him. Mad at him for not caring enough to change his habits. Right there on the elliptical I started crying, I pushed through and felt strength like I never have before. There is no way I could ever put my children through what he put us through. It just keeps eating at me. On the plus side I did 2.5 miles in 45 minutes on that devil machine..not bad for someone who just rode 23 miles on Sunday.

I am going to be naked with a bodybugg!

I have had a rough week. I have been using calorie counter to track my calories and compare them to my WW points. Ummm, not a good idea. After a mild workout yesterday I left the gym feeling nauseous, thought I needed to eat. I decided to head to Meijer to pick up some groceries as I lost feeling in my left hand..odd but I kept going. After my third aisle I got light headed, my face started to tingle and I saw spots...I spent 20 minutes on the floor of the grocery store. I bottomed out my blood sugar. Not the brightest thing I have ever done but definitely one of the scariest. Thankfully an employee was fast with the OJ that I requested and the ony damage that was done was to my ego. So I am investing in a boddybugg to see what I am really burning. I think it is alot more than the BMR calculator says and I am just killing myself. I don't know what I am going to wear with the bugg because I just opened my spring wardrobe and nothing fits..it is all falling off. I am just going naked. I will surely scare small children because I look like I melted but whatever, it's cheaper than buying clothes every 6 weeks. HA.