Thursday, January 14, 2010

Feel it, Don't Feed it.

I think my weight loss journey has been more therapeutic for me than any doctor ever could have been. For those of you who know me, you know I have been through a lot . Most of it in the first 22 years of my life. My dad was sick for years. From the time I was 8 I knew I wouldn't have him forever. He wouldn't see me at graduation, walk me down the aisle or hold his grand children. By the time I was 15 he was gone and so was my mothers sanity. I was left to care for my brother, myself and the house. At 16 I was paying the bills out of my mothers checking account because she would forget. At 17 I worked full time, went to high school and college...and frequently pulled my mom out of a bar at 2am.
My oldest daughter was molested by her biological father when she was only 3, we didn't find out until she was 7. It made statewide news and was the biggest story around my small town for 6 months. My husband, me and our children lived under police protection all through a very graphic trial in which I helped get him sentenced to 3 life terms.
My "rock" through all of this was my grandmother. 2 days before my 29th birthday she died after fighting cancer.
Now I know other people have been through worse but sometimes when you are so used to having food to comfort you and make you feel better, well sometimes you just feel like breaking down. I don't eat my emotions anymore. I cry. I don't hold back how I feel. I speak my mind.
So after all of this my mother calls today and decides she wants to lose weight. I am so happy to hear this because I think if she doesn't do something soon she will die. She starts going on and on about how she was at a good weight until my dad got sick and how it was too much to handle and........well, can imagine how this went. And at that moment, on the phone, and so sick of her finding excuses for neglecting herself and neglecting us when we had just lost our father I said "Well Mom, he's not sick anymore. He has been dead for 15 years. You need to do something or you will be dead too."
I don't know why I said it but in that moment I truly felt the 150+ pounds I have lost truly lift off of me. Hopefully some of you that read this can relate . Remember, feel it~ don't feed it.


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