The thing about running is that it's just you and your thoughts. When I am on my bike I feel free, I move fast and I zone out. Running is so much harder for me, my mind wonders in a different way.
Yesterday I thought about where I have been and where I am going on this journey. I am a changed person but I am the same in so many ways. I didn't magically gain the ability to control my cravings and run overnight. 30 months. I have been pushing through, struggling and striving for 30 months. People say I should be proud of what I have done. I am. People see me working out and wonder how I work that hard every day. I have to. I have to because even though I am smaller, fitter, healthier these are the things I still think:
- Will I be able to fit?
- Am I the biggest girl in the room?
- Can people see my loose skin?
Remember this as you read my blog. I may be healthy and thinner now. I may write about 5 mile runs and 50 mile bike rides but deep down I am still that girl. I struggle and fight, I count my points and work out 6 days a week. I can run 5 miles and I have done it all one step at a time.