What a year!

I can't hardly believe the New Year is upon us. As I look back at the past 12 months I realize how far I have come and all of the things I have done. I am so thankful to have found my health this past year and so happy to have such an amazing support system around me to cheer me on as I reach for my goals. I never in a million years thought I would become an athlete. Up until August I had never even ran a whole mile at once. Ever, never..seriously, not in my entire life. Now I can..plus a few more :o) Up until August of 2008 I hadn't been on a bike in 12 years. Now I ride 40 miles for a couple of hours of fast fun. I swim, take yoga, shake my ass in Zumba and love life. I have worked for this. I have worked hard but I also have people around me that make it a little easier.
When I started this journey I figured if you were not in my corner than you didn't need to be in my life and I am still happy with that choice. I can't say everyone has been there but the people that have are the ones that matter. Most of all my husband has been there every step of the way. He amazes me with his support and love and ability to push me harder than I ever could imagine. I have taught him nutrition but he has taught me what it is like to be athletic. He is an amazing athlete. Whether it is cycling, swimming or running he is always in the top of the pack. His physical abilities amaze me and push me to catch him. As I crossed my very first finish line on August 8th he was all I looked for. I remember the last turn of the run. I wanted to give up but then I saw this other woman's family. They were cheering and her husband had a huge sign. At that point all I wanted was my husband. My family didn't show up, as usual, but he was there competing, sweating and pushing just like me.
I also have a good friend, Aimee, that has struggled with weight just like me. We have known each other since high school and have both taken control of our lives. We both have a low tolerance for bull shit and can share many of the emotional mood swings that have come with losing weight and gaining a life. We can share things most people wouldn't understand.
Now everyone in this little town recognizes my work and weight loss. I am often seen running down a back country road or riding my bike. The gossip gangsters around here have been sure to keep track of my progress and even the greeter at Meijer has spoken up. Today the teller at the credit union asked me if my plan was to melt away to nothing. At my gym I have Al, Gloria, Deb, Dave, Carmen, Delores and Kristine. They make it comfortable for me to be there and always have. Kelli was my favorite gym employee. Liberal, artistic, open minded and outspoken. She let off this happy vibe and on a plus side works for WW. She left us..boooo. She "trained" me on my very first day. I was scared and embarrassed of my weight. So Kelli..(I know you will read this). Thank you for making me feel not so horrible that first day and making me want to come back for more.
Those are the people that have changed my life this year. I <3 them all.

"Pointing" myself back into the right direction...

I keep hitting the mini plateaus. I really don't know why except I have lost a great deal of weight and my body probably would like to rest. I think sometimes it tells me so but I don't listen. I have never been a big fan of being told what to do. If I was I probably wouldn't of gotten so damn fat to begin with...HUh what *gasp* she said fat. Yeah, so what? You call a crack addict a junkie so why not call it as it is..I was a fattie. I say this with love but I was so addicted to food I am surprised the sweats and shakes were not visible just at the sight of pizza. Oh I love food. I love food so much I have been using my "calorie deficit" as an excuse to squeeeeeze in some things I know I shouldn't have. Chocolate, Coke Zero, ice cream, full fat lattes.....the list goes on. I have reviewed my food diary and the only way to stop this for now is to start counting points again and STOP counting calories. The difference seems so vague but there is a huge difference. All calories are not created equal and some are just plane evil. 150 calories of black beans = 2pts, 150 calories of chocolate is 4pts...see my point, LOL. To elaborate I would upload my bodybugg calories and see I had worked off 4000 calories...well heck then I can eat 3000 right? Well sure fattie, that leaves 100o calorie deficit. Well what are you going to eat if you have 3000 calories to consume? Fajitas and a giant margarita...ME TOO, ME TOO!!! So I am back on the points and off the food crack. So this combined with the BFL workout routine is bound to kick the rest of this fat to the curb or what ever mystery place it is that fat goes when it leaves. I secretly hope it goes to the skinny bitchy head cheerleader from high school....don't laugh, you know you want her ass to explode with Twinkies too.

It's like a really really bad dream...

Last week I lost 1 pound. 1 pound..only 1 pound. It has taken me 4 weeks to lose that 1 pound. I am so tired of stepping on the scale and it not moving. I doesn't defeat me but it is very discouraging considering my nutrition and work out schedule. Last week looked like this:
Monday~Rest
Tuesday~3 mile Run
Wednesday~ weights & 2 mile Run
Thursday~3 mile Run
Friday~ weights & 30 minutes elliptical
Saturday~10.52 mile walk
Sunday~Rest
I did not induldge too much on Thanksgiving and I have increased my water intake. The only litch in my nutrition I see is that my protien is down and my carbs are up. An easy mistake to make when you don't eat much meat. No matter what way you figure it I should of lost more but no matter what I do things aren't moving. This next week I am going to concentrate on lowering my carbs a little and getting more protein. My calorie deficit for last week shows I should of lost at least 2 but then again for the week before my deficit shows I should of lost 3.....yep, getting a little angry at this point.

Still here, still losing..

I just realized it has been a month since I last updated my blog. I have been so busy. Holiday shopping, the girls programs at school and Jeramy has been traveling to Rockford, IL for some advanced aerospace training. Again my losses are slooooow. I had a whole month of stellar losses in October and now things have came to a small creep again. Time to change the work outs again I guess. I am going to do doubles for the month of December. 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour at night. I just need to give the scale an extra kick in the ass. I am officially 2 jean sizes away from my ultimate goal so that has me thrilled. I am consistently running for 38-45 minutes and I have started using kettlebells. I can assume that the scale has not made leaps and bounds this month due to the muscle I have put on but now as I get closer and closer to where I want to be I realize in order to be faster I must be lighter and to get lighter I am going to have to kick it up a notch or two. I never thought this would be easy but I never thought my body would fight losing that last 40 pounds so hard. Well this girl has got a whole lot of fight left in her so I know I will get where I am going.

One Hour Runner Program

I officially graduated the Couch to 5K Program and found a new training plan to keep me going and increase my endurance. It is the OHR Plan. On snowy or rainy days I know I am going to have to do this on the treadmill but I figure if I can stand to be on there that long the same amount of time will fly by outside.
I received my Pearl Izumi Booties today to keep my feet warm while cycling. I still have to get some knobby tires and full finger gloves but then I am ready for some winter riding. I probably won't go out when it is icy or slushy because the drivers around here are pretty careless but the temps won't stop me at all.

Here is the new running plan :o)

The key component of this program is the one long run per week. It builds up endurance and lays the foundation for further progress.

Weeks 1 - 3: Right now you are running 30 minutes a day, 3 days a week. Your weekly commitment of time is 90 minutes. Continue doing this for three weeks.

Week 4: Run 30 minutes, 29 minutes, 35 minutes. Weekly total: 94 minutes

Week 5: Run 30 minutes, 32 minutes, 38 minutes Weekly total: 100 minutes

Week 6: Run 30 minutes, 33 minutes, 41 minutes Weekly total: 104 minutes

Week 7: Run 30 minutes, 34 minutes, 45 minutes Weekly total: 109 minutes

Week 8: Run 30 minutes, 36 minutes , 49 minute Weekly total: 115 minutes

Week 9: Run 30 minutes, 38 minutes, 54 minutes Weekly total: 122 minutes

Week 10: Run 30 minutes, 40 minutes, 60 minutes Weekly total: 130 minutes

A personal note from author: When you are trying to increase your distance, some days feel good and others feel awful. Listen to your body. Be willing to back off. There is no hurry. These schedules are designed for the best possible circumstances, and sometimes you just need more time to adapt. Never move on to the next higher distance until you feel totally comfortable with the one you did today. I can remember once doing the same mileage for three weeks before I felt I had the strength to add a bit more.

A Yummy Fall Treat....2pts.

Cran-Banana Fiber Muffins


Think of these delicious muffins as spicy mini banana breads with tart cranberries.


Prep Time:15 min
Start to Finish:40 min
Makes:12 muffins




1 cup Fiber One® original bran cereal
1 egg
3/4 cup fat-free (skim) milk
3 tbs apple sauce
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (about 2 medium)
1 1/4 cups Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sweetened dried cranberries



1. Heat oven to 400°F. Grease bottoms only of 12 regular-size muffin cups with shortening or cooking spray, or use paper baking cups. Place cereal in resealable food-storage plastic bag; seal bag and crush with rolling pin or meat mallet (or crush in food processor).
2. In medium bowl, beat egg, milk and oil with fork or wire whisk until well mixed; beat in bananas. Stir in cereal; let stand 5 minutes.
3. Stir in remaining ingredients except cranberries until blended. Stir in cranberries. Divide batter evenly among muffin cups.
4. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until light golden brown. Immediately remove from pan to cooling rack. Serve warm.

140 Calories/1g fat/ 3g protein/ 3g fiber (2 ww points)

I substituted apple sauce for vegetable oil to reduce the fat...they are so good I had to share.

My Thoughts on the EveryStride 5k

You know when you are watching a scary movie and there is always the person that runs through the woods at full speed without ever looking down or missing a beat? Well, I call bullshit :o) It had been raining here all week and we received an email with promise of moving the race to the road. They didn't. We were told several times that there would be split time clocks on the course, there wasn't. But so far the most annoying aspect to me was the man at the last turn that sent us out and around the trees that we had already been around. Now the course was a muddy, hilly, mushy wet mess that I will have to admit I was not ready for. I expected my time to be slower than the road but not as slow as it was. I can walk 3 miles faster than I ran the course. I expected to be slow since I just started running 9 weeks ago, I was prepared to be last but finish running. I did that. I finished and ran the whole thing except 2 hills I had to slow to a walk on. At first I was bummed about my time but then I realized I ran for 47 minutes...I ran the whole time slow or not so obviously my endurance is doing great. We all ran the same course so I wasn't at a disadvantage compared to anyone else but I will not run on grass again. My road times have been averaging 38 minutes with my best ever time being 34 minutes. I was beating myself up until some of the Nike+ people starting speaking up. The pods were registering anywhere from 3.4 to 3.6 miles for the 5k.
But I RAN 47 minutes, that is the highlight of my day ;o) The longest I have run without a warm up walk is 30 minutes. This is amazing to me and I a so proud of myself for running that long. I knew I needed to build endurance before I could build speed. So all I can do is improve from here. Jeramy's time was around 2-3 minutes off from what we know he can run it in but he was the fastest from Greenville and was in the top 50 of 1000 runners. So wet cold rainy muddy slick....yucky slow. Next year I am doing the 10K not only to push myself but because that one is on the road.

Sidenote: As runners were coming back from the 10K they were discussing how the distances weren't matching their Nike+ either. Many of them did a personal best for the race but their pods were showing less than a 10k. After traveling over to Nike's website today it looks as if Belding wasn't posted for the Nike+ Human Race 10K Results. I am hoping for everyone that put the effort in that this gets fixed but am starting to wonder if the results haven't been posted because the mandatory distance wasn't covered? I hope that isn't the case because those people ran their ass's off in some really crappy weather.

Brrrrrrrr....

It's getting chilly here in Michigan. Fall isn't providing the cool air that it usually does. It is just cold. We ave been cycling and running in this weather which has required a great deal of extra layering. You wouldn't believe how excited I got over finding a New Balance fitted running jacket and matching custom length pants. Layered with Under Armour and an ear warmer and I am ready to go. Yesterday we hit a quick 16 miles on our bikes. My toes were numb so I need to contact Defeet about some wool socks.
I am really dreading the snow but the owner of The Runnery turned me on to snow shoe treads for your running shoes. You see the problem is that I really dislike the treadmill. I was struggling to run and breath on the treadmill and I admit the first 2 runs outside made my legs scream but now I don't want to go back to the belt. I know there are going to be days that I have to but I am going to hold out as long as possible outside.
I have a whole list of events next year that I plan on doing so I need to keep moving. The major ones will be the Riverbank Run, Freemont Triathlon, DALMAC ride to Mackinac and Great Pumpkin Duathlon.
I am so happy to be able to do these. When I started to lose weight I said it wasn't about vanity but about being healthy and fit. Along the way I have found out that I just love being active and working out. I love looking better and being able to shop amongst the normal sizes but that isn't what keeps me going. I see so many people lose weight and get into a certain size and then that's it. They are comfortable and it starts to slowly creep back. I am not going to be that person. This is my new life and I love it. I am proud of myself for finding activities that continue to keep me driven. This weekend I will be running the EveryStride 5k Nike Human Race. Cold and rainy is the forecast...should be a good time. They better have some schnapps for my hot cocoa afterwards :o)

A progress picture...

I think I have finally really truly busted through the plateau that has been plaguing my life. In the past 3 weeks I have lost another 8 pounds. My husband says it if from changing my routing into running..he is probably right and I am geared up for a 5k on the 24th. Anyway I just figured it was time for a new picture.

A runner..well, maybe someday

Running is a road
to self awareness
and self reliance.
You can push yourself to extremes
and learn the harsh reality of
your physical and mental
limitations
or
coast quietly down
a solitary path
watching the Earth
spin at your feet.
But, when you are through,
exhilarated and exhausted,
at least for the moment
everything seems right
in the world.

-Author Unknown

I have been waiting for this moment since I started my weight loss efforts 17 months ago. I have conquered cycling, weight training, Zumba, and swimming. I have finished my first triathlon but it is just now,this very week that I truly feel like SUPER WOMAN.Why? Well I lost 4 pounds last week but that has nothing to do with it. I am feeling so super duper amazing from RUNNING. Yep, that's right. I have been plugging away at the Couch to 5k plan from cool runnings. At first I felt every extra pound that I am still carrying and I still do a little. I have never been a runner.I still don't see myself as a runner but the amazing sense of accomplishment I feel when I am done is so empowering. I have always been envious of runners. It has always been something that has seemed so far out of reach for me. Now I am not going to win any races with my blazing fast speed but I have decided I enjoy it. I was so upset with myself for having to walk most of the 5k during my triathlon and now I am looking onward and upward to running the full length of the Every Stride 5k. The race is one month from today. I plan to run the whole damn thing....shhh, don't tell anyone, I might one day be a runner.

An education in the uneducated..

A while back I "friended" a personal trainer on a social networking site. I saw him on the news and thought he had sound advice and was a friendly guy. Man, what you see in that little glowy box called the boobtube is not always true. Every time I post an update about my workouts he has some back-handed compliment about how I am doing things wrong..seriously? I mean really, c'mon man. I must be wrong because I lost weight without help of a man that has never needed to lose weight. He must know that in the beginning I couldn't even walk a brisk pace at 5 minutes let alone jog. He must know the emotions I had that drove me to eating. He must know about the 4 ice packs I have in my freezer to ease the pain or the pain killers I had to take to make it through my first triathlon. Why must he know?!?...BECAUSE HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!
Now I appreciate a good trainer as much as the next person and I admit there are some employees at my gym that have helped me more than they will ever know. But this guy is so cold and condescending if he worked there I would of never been back.

When it comes health and fitness, there's certainly no shortage of information out there. Unfortunately, a lot of it is false or misleading. And so much of this false information (like high reps for toning) has been around for so long and is so entrenched that it's accepted as undisputed fact by many. Lately, wherever I go, I invariably run into someone who talks like they're an expert. They speak with absolute confidence and the people who listen never seem to question what they're being told. But a lot of times, this so-called expert will say something that I know is flat out wrong. Most of the time, I'll just roll my eyes.

Now I don't pretend to be an expert. I think I know a lot about the subject, but I think it's important to always be a little humble, to keep an open mind, and to be willing to admit that you might be wrong about something or that you have a lot more to learn. Some people are pretty closed-minded. They think their way is the only way and react harshly if anyone challenges their opinions. This is probably true in general, not just in the area of health and fitness.

Have you run into or do you know such know-it-alls? I don't mean the person who you know is right. I'm talking about the person who's either badly misinformed and doesn't know it or the person who's conned everyone around him and perhaps gets a thrill from holding himself up as an expert. How do you usually deal with them? Do you correct them or do you just let it go? And what sorts of things have you heard them say that you knew were wrong?

I know what's right for me, and I'm willing to listen to what others have to say. I can use or discard any information as I see fit.

I can tell people about my experiences. I'll leave it up to them to determine what's right ... for them. It's no skin off my nose.

Weight Loss is so personal that unless you have been there you really don't know..and still then you only have your own experience.My husband said it best the other day. He said he would never try to be a weight loss counseler or weight loss trainer because he cannot emotionally relate. I think there should be a distinct difference between a personal trainer and a weight loss coach. Because being obese is a whole different monster than just being out of shape.

It's all good to instruct someone to do this many reps of this weight, do this much cardio and eat this many calories out of these certain food groups but honestly no one can live like that. We are not robots. We don't all run on the same program and to help someone for the rest of their life you need to know who they are and how they got there. This takes listening and an open mind coupled with knowledge of nutrition and physical fitness. If you can find that in a trainer, coach , counselor or buddy then you are doing well. Mr. Know-it-All Personal Trainer may know how to burn calories and build muscle but most people need more than that.

The Food Pusher

We all have them in our lives. The "Evil Food Pusher". They are just as destructive to your success as the "Back-handed Compliment Relative" or the "Misery Loves Company Foodie". We have all had those experiences where in our minds we are lunging over the table, grabbing the person by the throat and stuffing them like a turkey just to shut them up but instead we usually smile and (not to disappoint) give in to their food pushing ways. Since the holidays are right around the corner I found an article that gives some good advice on the subject:

They should be your biggest supporters: your best friend, your mother-in-law, your sister. You tell them you are committed to changing your eating habits to lower cholesterol and reduce your risk of heart disease. They offer their full support, and then five minutes later, they hand you a brownie.

Don’t blame them; most food pushers aren’t trying to derail you. Believe it or not, they’re trying to please you. The best way to handle them is to understand them and kill them with kindness
Identify your food pushers and the impact they have on your diet.

Food Pushers Are:

•People who ask you if you want something they know isn’t part of your diet plan.
•People who tell you that you look beautiful the way you are, when you know you’re at an unhealthy weight.
•People who give you dessert when you don’t ask for it.
•People who insist you eat something, when you’ve already said no.
If the impact is substantial, tell them how their actions hinder your weight-loss success. During the conversation, ask for their help. Be clear in those requests. Let the person know whether you want moral support, encouragement, guidance, or assistance with discipline.

The key is to remember not to take their pushing personally. They often do it unintentionally.
A convention in polite society is to offer food more than once. Just say ”No, thank you” without any explanations. If you have to, say it over and over. The food pusher will get the message that you are not going to take the food, while you are still being polite.

Katherine Tallmadge, R.D., a Washington, D.C., nutrition consultant and author of Diet Simple (LifeLine Press, 2002), agrees.

“If you say ‘No, thanks, I’m watching it’ or ‘I’m on a diet,’ you are giving the pusher a double signal,” she says. “You are telling them ‘I’d like it, I just can’t have it; talk me into it.’ Odds are, they will.”
When you act like the diet you’re on is frustrating, the people around you will pick up on it.

Food pushers will subconsciously think it’s the broccoli that’s making you so unhappy, so they will keep asking you if you want a something sweet or extra-salty to boost your mood. The people who are around you most, and love you, don’t want to see you miserable because of what you’re eating, especially when they feel like dessert will make you feel better
Offering someone food can be an expression of love. If the food gets rejected, the person offering it feels rejected. You see this a lot with mothers and in-laws.

For family situations, compliment the food pusher on the foods you want more of. If your sister-in-law makes a terrific salad in addition to high-fat treats, tell her how much you look forward to eating her salads.

Most food pushers aim to please, so when they keep hearing about what you love to eat, they’ll get the hint and start making the things you enjoy most
Backing up your healthy lifestyle with explainable goals will help you keep food pushers at bay.

Know Your Weight and Health Numbers
When you know your blood pressure, blood glucose, and cholesterol levels, you will be able to better determine and fully understand appropriate goals for yourself and, if you’re comfortable, share them with others.

Eat Breakfast Every Day
When you start your day with a healthful breakfast, you’ll feel more satisfied and you’ll be less hungry when a food pusher offers you something.

Find Supportive Friends
Everyone needs a little motivation and inspiration. Reaching your goals will be much easier if you have a strong support group at your side (and with you to face a food pusher).

Don’t Let Others Bring You Down
Some food pushers feel guilty about their own eating habits and want you to join in so they can feel better about themselves. Say no to their pushing: See if they want to join you in your new, healthy ways.

When a food pusher asks you if you want that doughnut, remind yourself of what’s important. That small treat may be just one little snack, but it could lead to a load of other snacks. And when you say “No, thanks,” realize that you are healthier because you rejected it.

Tell the people who love you about your plans to eat healthfully and exercise. Knowing that you’ll live longer and have more time with them will mean a lot more than eating those empty calories.

A Follow Up to my Previous Blog.

I really appreciate every one's opinion on the matter of WLS. Even though some do not want to accept it, it is becoming a trend..a fad almost. I personally know people that have had it and use it properly and people that don't. My frustration lies in the person that thinks of it as a quick fix. Now for all of the negative comments. All I can say is before you call me out for being wrong please do your research. As a nurse pointed out in a comment, if you are self pay most doctors will do anything. Also about the plastic surgery. Insurance companies will cover it if the doctor can prove it is interfering with your day to day activities because then it is considered reconstructive and not cosmetic. A few skin rashes and a couple of persrciptions for ointment gets your foot in the door. It all depends on th experience of the Doctor and his billing and coding team.
Now, I enjoy keeping this blog public because I really don't have anything to hide. I have received at least 200 emails over the past year from women that say they can relate and that thank me for being a motivation. In turn I have received hate mail. Funny actually because it usually all comes from the same IP address but I must be too ignorant to look that up right? So for all of the people that want to be negative do yourself a favor and work on you own health and your own life. Hiding behind fake screen names does not affect me....just ends up proving that Ugly is more than skin deep.

Being Fat is Hard, Losing weight is Hard...

Choose your Hard!
I am probably going to ruffle some feathers with this post but this is MY blog and I guess it is a form of therapy for me.
I was asked yet again over the weekend if I had weight loss surgery. I didn't and I will scream it from the roof tops. In my mind there are a few reasons to get the procedure and laziness or lack of will should not be one of those reasons. Maybe you have tried and failed a few times and there are medical reasons that you need the weight off..surgery is then an option but I think it needs to be combined with therapy and exercise to be successful. In the past 2 months I have seen at least 3 people I know jump into surgery. No pre-op obligations to meet at all. Really it is just a lack of authority on the insurance company's part and a whole lot of greed on the doctors part. I have seen appointment to surgery progress in as little as 4 weeks with no diet history, no medical problems and a need to only lose 75 pounds. This just lights a fire under my ass.
I will be the first to admit that I went to the orientation and really looked into surgery. Because of financial reasons and fear I backed out and have been on the track to lose the weight myself. I understand that some people cannot do it. I really do because I was a yo-yo dieter for years but don't the doctors have some sort of responsibility to stop these over night surgery fans. I mean it has become the social norm to have your mouth surgically routed to your ass for weight loss. Years ago people would whisper with suspicion behind your back if you have weight loss surgery and now they treat it like a prize. Smiling and congratulating the woman that went to Mexico because she had so little to lose an American doctor wouldn't touch her but she just had to lose that 50 pounds somehow.I have loose skin and I will have to pay for removal or live with it because my insurance company will only pay for it IF I have had WLS. Seriously?
I am sore everyday, I push myself everyday. Sometimes I am so tired I just want to break down in tears. I push myself to my physical limit all of the time. I eat clean and I struggle. I look in the mirror and still see how far I have to go. I should be proud. I should be thrilled to show my old ID at the store. The truth is sometimes I lie and say I don't have it just so I don't have to get into the great weight loss debate with the nosey cashier. It's never easy. It's hard but at the end of the day I am happy with the path I chose.

Take that you evil plateau...

Well after bouncing around the scale for the past month and ony losing those pesky 8 pounds in 2 months I dropped 3 pounds this week :o) All I can say is Yipeee!Finally some more real progress. My eating was very clean and my workouts were as follows:
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Couch to 5k
Wednesday: Elliptical 20 minutes/ Weights 40 minutes
Thursday: Couch to 5k
Friday: Elliptical 20 minutes/ Weights 40 minutes (slept through Zumba)
Saturday: Trail Run
Sunday: 36 miles on the bike.

This week will be about the same but I hope to not sleep through Zumba because it is my favorite. I have a fabulous wedding reception to attend this weekend of a dear old friend. I am happy that I run that day so I don't have to stress out about what I put in my mouth that night.I love getting dressed up again and welcome the reasons to do so. Honestly during the week the only things that touch my face are chapstick,cleanser and lotion. My look screams "gym rat" and I am prud of it..lol.

8 Pounds.....

In 2 months time I have only lost 8 more pounds. Now I may have only lost 8 pounds but I have also lost 1 inch from my hips and 1 inch from each thigh. I also trained for and complete my first Triathlon. I have put over 450 miles on my bike and have had some form of exercise every day except four. So at first I was upset about this 8 pounds but it could be worse..I could of gained 8 pounds. I could of sat on my ass that whole time and not moved. I could of ate unhealthy foods but the point is that I didn't, I have still been diligent about my healthy lifestyle. So 8 pounds makes me happy, so happy that I googled 8 pounds.

Feeling Fantastic!!!

I am so thankful the supplements are working and the chiropractor has fixed me up. I was able to hit up my 15 mile ride Saturday night and was right back at the gym this week. 45 minutes of cardio yesterday and 20 minutes of cardio today and 30 minutes of weights. The rest of the week looks like 45 cardio, 20 cardio & weights, Zumba Friday and then a 34 mile ride this weekend. Again, I am so happy I am feeling back to 100%, well at least 95%. I still have a little bit of a cough left but it is fading quickly. So since I am feeling so fantastic I am sharing a recipe for Lo Mein made with Tofu Shirataki noodles:


Ingredients:
3 bags House Foods Tofu Shirataki, original spaghetti shape
One 10 - 16 oz. bag frozen Chinese-style stir-fry mixed veggies (with broccoli, water chestnuts, etc.)
8 oz. raw boneless skinless lean chicken breast; cut into strips
1 cup bean sprouts
1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
1/2 cup thinly sliced zucchini
1/2 cup chopped scallions
1/4 cup shredded carrots
1/4 cup reduced sodium or light soy sauce
1 tbsp. cornstarch
2 tsp. chicken-flavored powdered consommé/bouillon (like the one by Osem, which can be found with the kosher items at the supermarket)
2 no-calorie sweetener packets (like Splenda)

Directions:
Rinse and drain Tofu Shirataki noodles VERY well. Dry them thoroughly, and run a knife or kitchen shears through 'em a few times (so noodles aren't as long). Set aside. To make sauce, combine soy sauce, cornstarch, consommé/bouillon, and sweetener with 1/2 cup of hot water. Stir well and set aside. Bring a large pan or a wok sprayed with nonstick spray to medium-high heat. Add chicken and all the veggies (the frozen and the fresh ones). Stirring frequently, cook for 5 - 7 minutes (until chicken is cooked throughout and frozen veggies are heated). Pour sauce into pan/wok, stir well, and continue to cook until sauce has thickened. Lastly, add in the noodles, and cook until entire dish is thoroughly mixed and heated. MAKES 4 SERVINGS

Serving Size: 1/4th of recipe (1 HUGE serving)
Calories: 167
Fat: 1.5g
Sodium: 925mg
Carbs: 19g
Fiber: 6g
Sugars: 4g
Protein: 18g

POINTS® value 3*

Doctor,Doctor gimme the news................

I have been run down lately. Weak, dizzy, upset stomach, tired ect... I carb loaded and drank 3 power zeros just to get through that triathlon. I avoided the doctor for a while because I honeslty didn't want to hear about it. I figured it's humid, I am working out hard maybe I just need to hydrate more. Not so. My body is jacked up. I have a shit ton of vitamins and suppliments now to get my levels up. I was referred to a chiropractor for my back and was told I have osteoarthritis in my spine along with is being grossly out of place. I now I have 4 appointments within the next week and was told I couldn't run until it was better. I am not such a fan of running anyway but to be told you have the spine of a 60 year old is a little depressing. I was told to avoid my bike for a week to I wasn't in that scrunched position..LOL, I really don't see that happening. A week? I get antsy if I haven't ridden in 2-3 days.
So how did this happen? I have no idea how I screwed my back up, I have been in 8 car accidents and I fell down the steps last year but it has just now really started hurting. The levels are all my fault. 5 months ago I decided to get a bodybugg, I wanted to focus on my calorie deficit because I had hit a plateau on Weight Watchers. I have had a ton of problems with this device. I loved it for the first month and then it seemed like the numbers were off. Sometimes when I would take it off to shower it wouldn't even register being removed. So instead of me counting my WW points and getting in my 8 HG's I started using this bodybugg. So even though I was eating my points (calories) I was also pushing super hard in order to get to the 1000 calorie deficit. Too hard. 2 hours a day work outs. 1 hour at the gym, 1 hour at home and on cycling days anywhere from 1-4 hours. The people at Apex are sending me a new bugg to try.We both agree it wasn't reading properly. I am going to use this to calculate activiy points and not concentrate on that deficit so much. The point system works. I lost over 100 pounds counting points, the rest screwing around with my body. Now I return humbly to what works for me to shed the remainder of the weight. My mindset is already there and the mental hunger has already faded with this choice...it's true, the program works if you work it.

1 hour 33 minutes....

That is how long it took me to complete my first sprint triathlon. Race day is such a blur. Almost 16 months ago to the day I started my weight loss journey. I have lost so much weight but gained so much life. I still want to fast forward off this last 50+ pounds, I still didn't feel like I felt in wearing a bathing suit and spandex but I did it. I am proud.
The day started off with thunderstorms. We had no idea if they would even run it but headed up anyway. I was scared and kept hydrating. The day before I had thrown up from coughing too hard and was living off of halls.(I still am) Once I saw the water I wanted to cry. It was so rough from the storms. I just kept thinking there was no way I could swim that. The water was so bad they moved the buoys closer to the shore for safety. I racked my bike and and set up my little area. The start of the swim was chaos. We started in 3 waves and I was in the last one. By the time I came out of the water my heart could barely stay in my chest and instead of throwing on my cycling shoes and going I sat down on my towel. I just needed to get my bearings. I hurried up and slid in my spandex knickers, put on my cycling shoes and mounted up.
The cycling portion was rolling hills of 9.25 miles. It flew by. I passed about 20 people. I knew I would do well on this because it is my strongest event. I clipped along between 16 and 20 miles per hour and took in my GU about 4 miles in. Then it was time to get off my lovely bike and start the run. This was horrible. The sun came out and the breeze died down. I struggled for the first mile trying to find a good stride and I finally decided to walk. I walked quickly and broke down in tears. I was cramping, my lungs hurt and I was just plain tired. Despite my best effort to hydrate I forgot to drink on my bike and my hands were swelling. I stopped at the water station and saw another racer coming up behind me. We walked the last mile together talking about our girls and why we were doing this. It helped and I was thrilled to see the finish line.
I want to lose the rest of this weight now more than ever. I don't want to lug around this extra as I am trying to be active and healthy. I am sick of my ass not shrinking and of my flabby arms. I thought a year and I would be done..now I am thinking it will take 2. I am not in a hurry but I really want my outside to match my fitness level.
Overall I learned two things:
I can do anything I set my mind to.
Head to toe spandex is not flattering...at all.

300 swim, 9.25 bike, 5k run 1hr 33min
Jeramy's time 1hr 1min

A picture worth a thousand words...

I am a choo-choo train..

Jeramy recently pointed out I am a choo choo train and not a race car. I can just keep going and going and going. This made me laugh because it is true. I just went to www.fatcyclist.com to read his blog and it brings back so many memories of when my grandmother was dying. She is the reason I turned my life around and got control of my health. I wanted to fight, to live every day to the fullest until the very end and I still do. I wish she could be here to see what I have done, to watch me cross the finish line next weekend but she won't. She lived her life and now I am finally living mine. I am so tired, sore and I have a chest cold. My Grandfather's dementia is at a level 5 now and his pulse is down to 30 yet when I saw him he was still full of a little spunk and made me laugh. After he is gone all I have left of my immediate family is my Mom and Brother. I think of how lonely it is sometimes not being able to call my Dad or Grandma and have that shoulder to cry on or just the support and unconditional love they always gave. I recently had a friend tell me she remembered how much she admired my strength when my dad passed. I must of projected something completely different on the outside compared to what I was feeling on the inside. I remember how hard it was for him to walk the length of our yard towards the end because the circulation was so bad in his legs, defeating for a man that used to play AA Baseball . So next weekend as my knees hurt and my lungs burn, just when I don't think I can do it anymore I will remember how hard my Dad and Grandma fought until the end. No matter how long it takes me I will cross the finish line.

The tic-toc of the clock is painful.....

My first triathlon is 5 weeks away and I am doubting my abilities. My goal since starting this journey has been just to finish. Now, I have some set times in my head. The swim should take me about 10 minutes (I hope). I have never swam with a large group of people and honestly it terrifies me but I am sure we will all be adults about it. The ride should not take me any longer than 30 minutes. It is a flat 9 mile course and then there is the run. I should be able to walk/run the 5k in around 40 minutes. These times are slow honestly, my dear hubby will be done in about half of the time but to lose the amount of weight I have lost and cross the finish line of a triathlon will be enough for me.
I need to start adding bricks to my training. Right now I either ride, lift or run with a day of zumba and a 45 minute elliptical routine thrown in. I work out about 15 hours a week between cycling and the gym. Next week I need to ride to the gym and run and then ride home. I am also switching to smoothies for breakfast. I can't seem to find a cereal with the right sugar levels. I either get the shakes and upset tummy from too much sugar or I get light headed and tired from not enough. The smoothie seems to be the right balance and I can add protien to make up for the fact that I barely ever eat meat.
So on the weightloss front I lost 1 pound last week. Yay! Seriously after all of the crap that went wrong here that one pound feels like twenty. Also, our WW summer challenge started and I am again on a wonderful team of determined women. They are the little bit of extra support I need. So many of them call me an insperation but seriously when I read about the things they have done and both their scale victories and NSV's I am both proud and remotivated. Loser Vibes to all :o)

It all started with a flat tire.

Sunday before last was father's day and Jeramy and I decided to ride the trail from Marne to Muskegon. 52 ish miles round trip. Outside of Muskegon I got a flat. A little tiny sharp rock did my rear wheel in and when Jeramy went to change it the stem came off the spare. So Jeramy took off towards the truck. Thankfully I downloaded Smarter than a 5th Grader on the cell.
Two days later the thermostat blew in my 90 gallon fish tank sending the heater to 95 degrees, death by cooking 5 cichlids. Wednesday rolls around and there is something wrong with our water pressure and I wake up Thursday morning to a flooded basement form a broken line down in the well. Our basement is now gutted. Carpet, vinyl,tile, toilet, vanity...all gone. It is slowly being rebuilt but you an definitely tell these people work by the hour. We are getting a totally new basement out of this but it is hard to wait and even harder knowing that $5,000 of your personal belongings were ruined and we have to sit around and wait for our insurance check to replace them. All in all the damage came in right around $12,000. Adding to our chaos Jeramy got stung in the eye by a wasp Saturday while giving Chloe her new bike. He is allergic so you can imagine what his face looked like even though he promptly took his steroids.
Rehashing this on a weight loss blog seems odd, right? Not really. How many times have all of us let life's little bumps throw us off of our healthy habits? I will not lie I did break a little and ending up eating Taco Bell. I ate it, got over it, wrote it down and moved on. I knew I couldn't let the stress dictate my food choices and I am still fighting it. It is easier once I am done working out but it is just proof that each and every day it is still a struggle to overcome my addiction. Fatty food makes me sick, I actually get a "hangover" from it but I still crave it. It is times this this, when I feel so mentally beat down that I can sit and realize I am still in control and be proud of how far I have come...Of course one more thing goes wrong and you may find me knee deep and cheesecake and screaming for a way out.

Tales from the scale...

I have been on 4 scales in the last week..A big no no in terms of weight loss. For the past year I have avoided any other scale because I knew seeing a different number would mentally break me down. I came to accept my highest weight and documented all my losses on the same scale. Something this week felt off, I remembered being at this "weight" when I was younger, something wasn't right. Then came my quest for my real weight. I was ready to accept it no matter what. 4 scales later,2 of them matched. Heavier than my home scale. Standing on my tiptoes and pressing down I still can't get that weight on my home scale which probably means my starting weight was off too. I have decided to only weigh myself at the gym now. By no means does this take away any of my victories, on the scale or off. It just means I have a little more to lose than I thought I did to get where I want to be. 63 pounds to be exact. So 63 it is, that's the final number folks.

Couch to 5k Update...-146 pounds

Week 2 day 1 is under my belt and I seriously didn't die, I think I may have felt like it during the 6th interval but I am still alive.I can only stress so much I AM NOT A RUNNER. In my mind the only reason to run is if I am being chased by something bigger or meaner than me. The pain has pretty much left and I am getting my breathing under control. Well that is if you consider huffing and puffing under control. My pace sucks and during some intervals I find myself doing math problems in my head to stop my mind from talking me out of this pointless endeavor. I envy runners. Just like anything else I am doing this for me, to say I did it and can run a 5k but I would much rather pedal 100 miles than run just 3.
I only lost 1 pound last week but I know why and am sure it will be made up for next week. You see Jeramy raced Le Tour De Mont Pleasant (34.5 miles in 1 hour 37 minutes) and I planned out my food choices for the entire day to fit within my calories/points which included a trip to the pita pit for a gyro on a whole wheat pita. I was expecting a yummy gyro with fresh lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber sauce. Blech...what they had was processed presliced meat loaded with crap. I allotted for the calories but not the sodium so within 8 hours I could already feel the extra water. So much so that 4 bottles of H2o did not even warrant a trip to the potty. Ok lesson learned...my body can no longer handle anything processed. On that note it is time to google the poundage again. As you can see from the picture I lost a prize winning 4-H farm animal :o)

New Balance Lab Rat

I am so excited!! I got picked to be a New Balance product tester. Yay me. I get to try all of the handy dandy new shoes before they even hit the market. Use, review, and return. Then do it all over again. My first pair will be the WR1012. This should be fun. It will definitely make the couch to 5k more fun because today was week 1 day 2 and I still didn't like it. I did it but I didn't like it.
The scale is a funny thing. The more it moves the less the measuring tape does and the less it moves the more the measuring tape does. I wish they would have a meeting and agree with each other. It's like watching the weather on 2 different stations...it's just never the same.
I just want to shop!!Seriously, as much as I want to get this last 30-40 pounds off for health I am just as anxious to buy a new wardrobe. There are so many things I see that I want but I refuse to spend the money until I am "done" (whatever that is). I have picked up some t-shirts and chopped and cuffed some jeans into capris but even the thrifty goodwill girl in me would love to just go crazy at the mall. Soon, it is my ultimate reward..health and new clothes :o)
My dear friend Aimee found this wonderful blog. This blogger has some of the most unique and yummy recipes I have seen in a while. Yum.

And there she goes..

Nashbar knickers BAD, Aerotech knickers Good. Yep I found out the hard way that some spandex is better than others. Do not buy the Nashbar brand, when you sweat the dye bleeds through..cheap cheap cheap.

Anyway, wearing my fancy smancy new lycra shorts I shaved 8 minutes off of my 34 mile trip. That means I averaged a mile per hour faster than my best time ever. YAY! Seriously I felt like super woman.To think this time last year I was struggling to go 10 miles in an hour and now I can go 34 miles in 2 hours is amazing. That is an easy fun pace.

I completed Week 1 Day 1 of the couch to 5k today. I was running before but it was getting sloppy so I decided to start from scratch and it felt amazing. I plan on completing the training because my way was just causing sore legs and cramped feet, so I will learn to pace myself. I found a great podcast for the program so in 9 weeks I will be a runner..hahahah, well, I will have run. I am a cyclist because that is something I enjoy. I am going to try to let myself enjoy running and hopefully it will come in time.

I lost 3 more pounds this week bringing me to a total loss of 145. I can only take credit for 2 of those pounds, the 3rd one I believe was water but at least it's gone now. :o)

The wheels on my bike go round and round...

I have logged around 350 miles so far this riding season, not bad since it is only June 3rd. Between the gym and cycling things are starting to shrink a little faster and I am starting to feel great.
I lost 1 pound last week bringing my total to 142, yay! 8 more pounds and I will have lost my hubby and then I have to give the girls at my gym a "success" story. I know it will help others to share my story but most days I still feel 142 pounds heavier. It's called body dismorphia and I am working on it. I am starting to accept my smaller form but am still shocked when I sometimes catch my reflection by surprise. People are nicer and smile more but I can't blame that on them. It could be that I am smiling more and actually make eye contact again. Overall I am feeling Fan-freakin-tastic.
This was Jeramy's idea of fun this weekend and I actually made good time considering the "hills". It was a little over 32 miles and took around 2 hours. And yes, at one point I thought for sure I was going to puke!

Spandex is a Privilege, Not a Right!!

Me: "My ass hurts"
Jeramy: "You need spandex with a chamois"
Me: "Seriously? Ugh..no"
Jeramy: "Yeah, you need to order some and a sleeveless jersey to get rid of that funny tan"
Me: "ok, fine..if you say they will help."

This conversation was the beginninig of my horror. Spandex! Oh yuck. Jeramy looks fine in his, of course he does. He is tall, toned and weighs 150 pounds. I decided on knickers because at least they would cover that lump of fat above my knee. I didn't want to go too expensive because by the end of the season they will be too big anyway (hopefully). I placed my order for a pair of XL Nashbar Echo Knickers and a XL Pearl Izumi Sleeveless Jersey.They showed up in the mail today and I just stared at the tiny stretchy attire. Obviously, the extra large gods have not seen my ass. Seriously, I had no idea how all this was going to fit into that. True to form Jeramy was encouraging and said I was crazy and to go try them on. In the bedroom I sized up these knickers and prepared myself for the worst. I wore a pair of spanx once and think I slipped a disk trying to get into them. Oh my god!! They went on. A little loose in the waist, tight in the derriere and thighs and a little loose around the knees. The chamois felt like a diaper. I slipped the jersey on and it fit perfectly, even a little baggy in places. I am not used to or comfortable with wearing bottoms that tight but I will give it a try. Hopefully I don't look like that guy.

That's a Big Fish..

I rested up yesterday after 8 days straight of working out. I have kicked my own butt for the past week, my schedule looked like this:

Sun: 15 Miles Cycling
Mon: 45 Min Elliptical
Tue: 30 Min treadmill 30 min weights
Wed: 4 Miles walk on the trail (1 hour)
Thu: 30 Min elliptical 30 min weights
Fri: Zumba was cancelled ;o( 25 min treadmill 15 min elliptical 15 min recumbent
Sat: 30 Miles cycling (major hills)
Sun: 34 Miles Cycling.

I wanted to go 50 miles Sunday but my legs just wouldn't have it. For good reason they were tired and needed some rest. The best part was getting up to 30 mph going downhill on the way into Sheridan. What a rush.

I lost 2 pounds and that tbrought my total to 141. I am always swollen on weeks I push hard like that so hopefuly the water weight will subside and the scale will show a little more for all of my hard work.

I Googled my loss and found the picture of this giant halibut. Ok that's a big fish.

139 Pounds..GONE!

I lost 3 pounds this week for a total of 139. I am thrilled beyond belief. Excited, determined and refreshed. Zyrtec is my friend. Allergies are under control and my muscles recieved a well deserved break.As I was riding my weight loss high I got a negative phone call, my buzz kill came in the form of someone disbelieving my weight loss and commitment to fitness. Yeah, screw them.
On an upside we went to visit my father-in-law last night and he was so shocked when he saw me. He hadn't seen me in about 3 months and was full of compliments. It's funny how the weight loss effects other people. It's my body and my journey but it really pulls out some peoples insecurities but it also shows you who is on your team. who really loved you but in the same breath are thrilled to see you healthy and happy.
Speaking of happy I got on my bike yesterday and we went or a quick 15 miles. Not far but it was fun and my head and chest were still complaining from my allergies. This weekend I would like to get in about 70-75 miles. CatEye bike computers came out with a new cycling computer that Pink for The Cure so naturally I had to have it. I guess now I can stop asking Jeramy how fast we are going and how much farther until we get there,LOL.

Seriously?!?

The week started out with a not so stellar weigh in and I came to terms with that. Matter of fact the scale has inched down quite nicely since then. I have been horribley ill since I cleaned out the flower beds on Tuesday. Wednesday I went to the gym and hit it hard for an hour, by Wednesday night I was already wheezing and hacking stuff up. Thursday I awoke with the same lovliness deep in my lungs and I hauled my ass to the gym anyway. After 45 minutes on the ellptical my chest was on fire. When Jeramy came home from work he talked me out of Zumba...it didn't take much talking. So I have been a sick, coughing, sneezing bump on a log since Thursday. On the plus side I am not the type that eats when sick..I actually hate it. So between toast, coffee and alot of water I almost feel detoxed and like my body really needed these few days of rest. I am still congested but hoping to wake up better and climb on my bike.
I love my bike. I love not really having to think about it and just letting my mind release. I love the fast descents and even though I don't love the steep climbs I do love the feeling of accomplishment I have at the top. I want nothing more than to feel better and be on that bike tomorrow.

My first ride with my new feet and other frustrations...

Even though Sunday was chilly it was still sunny and I was determined to try out my new pedals and shoes. My husband was terrified I was going to either hate them or not be able to figure them out. Well, I figured them out within about 5 seconds and I hated them for the first 8 miles. When your feet feel like they are welded to the pedal everything else has to be perfect. The cleats and pedals added about an 1/8 of an inch so my seat had to go up and my right cleat was 1/4 of an inch too far forward so it was adding pressure to my knee. I know small numbers but trust me they make a huge difference. The next 9 miles were a little grueling as I relearned how to pedal but the remaining 17 miles where better and overall I love the new setup. I even shaved 10 minutes off of my best 34 mile time so I guess there is something to be said for clipless.
So a day after I overcame the fustrations of the new pedals I had to weigh in. Now my calorie deficit all week has been 1000+ a day, I worked out every day except Saturday and I eat mostly veggies and whole grains, yogurt and fruit. I eat meat only about once a week, I drink protien and take vitamins. I get my fiber and oils. I change up my routine at the gym and quite frankly I work my ass off. The scale did not budge
I know there are all kinds of reasons and in my brain I accept them but in my heart I am tired. I know I will probably have a great weigh in next week but that doesn't change how I feel today. It doesn't change things and I won't give up but now that I have less than 50 pounds to lose (all of which I seem to be carrying in my lower stomach,thighs,and ass) I notice people like to complain to me about losing 25 pounds. C'mon, seriously? I know it is hard to lose weight but I have lost 136 pounds and I really don't want to here about someone trying to lose 25 when I am currently trying, struggling, to get to their size. It's just one of those days.

Training might be the death of me

In three months, 13 weeks to be exact, I will be participating in my very first Triathlon. It is a Sprint Triathlon in Freemont Michigan. Swim 300 meters, Cycle 9 miles, Run 5k. I am excited and a little terrified. Hopefully I will be 25 pounds lighter by then to ease some of the strain on my knees but regardless I plan on hitting it full steam ahead.
For Mother's day I asked for new cycling shoes and clipless pedals, I was beyond excited to get them early and will get to try them out Sunday morning. Last weeks work out was grueling and alot of people ask what I do so I will break it down:

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: 90 minutes free step
Wednesday: 45 minutes treadmills running intervals
Thursday: 40 minutes Elliptical/ 30 minutes weight training
Friday: 45 minute Zumba Class/ 20 minutes treadmill running intervals
Saturday: 35 Miles Cycling/ 30 minutes weight training
Sunday: 23 Miles Cycling hill work

I have been at this for months...10 months to be exact, 13 months on WW. I should be a freakin' size 2 (yeah right) but alas my body only gives a little at a time. On the flip side I am thrilled that I can keep at it and I love to push myself a little more physically every day. It's a hell of alot more than I could do a year ago.

School is almost out and the girls have noticed how much more active I am with them. School activities aren't such a chore anymore.I have to add that my little gifted Aspen is now at a 3rd grade reading level yet still almost as small as her little sister. That poor girl will be lucky if she grows to 5 foot. Brianne has joined band and the highlight of Chloe's day is going to the gym with us. They have stopped complaining about the Boca burgers and tofu noodles, heck I think they might even like the powdered peanut butter.

I was going to race the Tour De Mont Pleasant which is a USA cycling event but I think I am leaving that one up to Jeramy. I will happily be a cheering spectator because it is not often you get to meet pro cyclist. Jeramy works crazy hours (knock on wood) so his training is limited but I am positive he will hold his own.

Biggest Loser Fans: Vote for Mike!!

134 Pound Burger and The Fear of Success

I have alot to say today..big surprise right? I have alot of blog followers and get emails from all over the world.The supports is amazing and the questions always stir something inside of me, they tend to make me dig a little deeper. Just today an old high school friend asked if I had a "fear of success". At first I laughed that off..heck no, we all want to succeed. But did I really? I knew the fat me wasn't the real me but I had built a life around that girl. The dribble and compliance that came out of my mouth wasn't me but it was better than being judged for being fat. I was and still am scared of who I would become once the fat was gone and I was free to be me. Would my husband still love me? Would my Friends still be there? Would I finally be happy? These are all questions that weigh on my mind all of the time. I think in some ways my husband loves me more. Recently he left me this message "You have my full support, my oh-so beautiful lady. I have been with you through the past 8 years of life and am just amazed at how far you have come to make the ultimate change in your life as well as mine and our princesses'. I will never let you fall. I LOVE YOU!!!"
Some of my friends have stuck by me, some have drifted away and I have made some new ones. I have admittedly burnt some bridges while trying to find myself. I needed to work on myself and not deal with anyones's bullshit so in turn I lost some family as well as friends. I saddens me that this had to happen and even though I bitch endlessly on this blog about my sister in law the relationship with her is one that I wish was different. It probably won't ever be and that is something I have learned to accept. I stopped wanting her stamp of approval since discovering she never liked me to begin with. It is was it is and so I go on.
Head up I push through the pain, sweat, temptations and many tears to continue my journey. Today I stepped on the scale and am down 134 pounds. I am officially the lightest I have been in 10 years. 10 years wasted on self pity, self doubt and hiding my true self from the world. I am definitely making up for lost time. My ticker says I have 30 more pounds to lose, I can already tell that will not be enough for me to be at the athletic level I would like but there isn't a finish line anyway.
Googling my pounds lost I found a world record hamburger they make in Detroit. It costs $350.00 and weighs in at 134 pounds. I think this may be the funniest one so far.

Half -Century

This weekend we are going on a ride, it is consider a half-century because it is 50 miles. It was important to me to pick a distance that meant something and to push myself. My dad died 15 years ago of heart failure at the age of 49 so I decided to ride at least 49 miles to remember him and to remember why I have made the changes in my life that I have. We welcome company on our ride, we are going to be a Musketawa trail head in Marne at 11am Saturday, email for more info if you want to go.

Walk To Mackinac Challenge

I guess I am walking to Mackinac from Greenville, well that's what my gym tells me anyway. The challenge is actually a cute idea, motivating. We get a t-shirt. The premise is that for every mile we run we log it, for every 20 minutes on the elliptical or in aerobics class we log 1 mile, for every 30 minutes of weight training we log a mile and for every 4 miles we ride our bikes..well, you got it, we log a mile. We have to log at least 2.4 miles a day to get to our goal within the 90 days. This should keep me truckin'. I logged 2.1 miles today.

I can't help but say that as I am typing this I am watching an ABC News Special on "gifted" children and I can relate. My little middle daughter has been labeled as such. She is the tiniest girl in the class, one of the youngest and the school has asked to accelerate her into 1st grade for Math and Reading. She is 5 and reads at a last semester 1st grade level, same with math...pretty much same with everything. We are struggling with the idea of skipping her a grade. She is tiny and thinks her friends are just being silly when they say they can't read and write or speak spanish. She doesn't relate intellectually but socially I don't want her to be awkward either. We agreed to let them move her up for reading and math and to hold off until next year to see if she needs to skip completely. She is so tiny, polite and caring and her intelligence comes so naturally she doesn't understand when other kids don't get it but instead of judging she teaches them. She amazes me every day. All 3 of my girls are special in their own way, the oldest athletic and quite the social butterfly and the youngest, at 3, has the best sense of humor in a spitfire way even though she now spends 2 hours a day playing NickJr.com games.

Some days, when I just want to throw in the towel I realize that I want to be there when these 3 little girls become amazing women. I want to be there when they graduate, get married and have babies. I will not be a victim of myself.

Happy Anniversary to Me!!

On April 7th 2008 I rededicated myself to getting healthy and I have come a long way. I have lost 129 pounds in that year and gained so much life. Honestly it has been the best experience and I am so proud of myself. I set my first "goal" 35 pound from now. I will probably lose 15-20 more than that to make me satisfied but my new lifestyle will never change, this is the new me, this is the way I have to live my life and I love it. There are times I still want to eat crap but I have found alternatives. Just a year ago someone posted a very nasty comic of a heavy woman and a thin man in the "bedroom"...this was a hateful comic referring to me. Now this person pretended to be my friend so it hurt even more when I saw it smeared on the internet for everyone to see. Sadly just weeks before I had received emails from this friends "friend" warning me about all of the hurtful, mean things she was saying. I am an adult but when people knock you down without knowing why you are the way you are or assuming you are just fat and lazy it really hurts. Why would I rehash this a year later? Something that seems so petty and worthless. Well, because I can now enjoy the fact that it didn't break me. Living well is the best revenge. I was struggling with my emotions and letting childish behavior reek havoc on my life but along with gaining control I found myself again.

For my 1 year anniversary I tried a new workout at the gym, a hanging reverse crunch. I have been wanting to do this since I started there. I would always see these fit people hanging from this tower and working their abs, I never thought I could do it and yesterday I did a full set. My stomach hurt like hell this morning but I did it and I will do it again. These are all things I can do now that I couldn't a year ago:

• Run
• Cycle over 25 miles
• Play with my children
• Shop and not get tired
• Buy clothes from the "normal" size rack
• Paint my toenails without taking a break
• Keep up with my husband
• Feel bones in my ankles and collar
• Spend 45 minutes on the elliptical
• Walk 5 miles without taking a break
• No longer fear group exercise
• Wear my grandmother's jewelry
• Do crunches with 120 pounds
• Pull down 90 pounds on the lat machine
• Hold yoga poses without shaking
• Go to my children's school without embarrassment
• Dance and not feel winded
• Fit in any seat and not have to scan the room for one that will fit my ass
• Speak my mind without the fear of being judged by my weight
• Feel satisfied with a serving of dessert instead of the whole thing
• Cross my legs
• Get on my husbands motorcycle without feeling self conscious
• Love myself

Big Fat Lies..

That's what I told myself as I was gaining all of the weight. I think all of us do it to some point but I feel I was extreme. Yet, still I NEVER lied about my weight. I would just never tell it to anyone. You see every time I had to go buy the next size up I always made an excuse of some sort..the holidays, poorly cut patterns, cheap jeans, different brands...I just never wanted to accept that is was my ass getting bigger and not the clothes getting smaller. I think I told myself these lies to keep from having a break down. The truth is I got heavier because I ate too much and moved too little, I wasn't paying attention to my emotions I was eating them and I thought I would wake up one day and it would all be a bad dream. I find that now I am body dismorphic, sometimes I don't even recognize myself in the reflections I see. I would say I have fat amnesia but I don't. First of all because technically I am still fat, I still have a lot to lose but most of all because I remember. I remember being tired and out of breath, I remember my knees hurting all the time and I remember being terrified of going to my daughters school because I would be stared at...I will never forget. Just like I have a drawer of size 10's I plan on getting into I also have a drawer full of my largest clothes. I still look at them and wonder how I could justify my size but I can't come up with another lie. It was me I was morbidly obese. I am still "overweight" and work towards a healthy body image every day. All this being said I watched Oprah today and Star Jones was on. I can't help but want to slap her. First she lied about surgery and then she lied about her weight and then again she lies and say she has maintained....does she think we are blind? Surgery is a big step and she could of been an intelligent, helpful spokesperson for it but instead she wallowed in shame and hid it away. She also could of told the truth about her weight..C'mon..300lbs. YEAH RIGHT! That's like believing Kristie Alley was 220 at her highest and then she says she is proud to have maintained..no she has gained back a little. I wish these people could just be honest and say it's hard no matter what you do or how you do it, it's damn hard. Women that lie about there weight are only making it worse. A size 10 is not a size 2 so please don't try to tell me you are one when I clearly can see you. I am not blind. People that do this are only hurting themselves. I am proud to say for the first time in a long time I am honest with myself about my weight..I know where I have been and I know where I am going and I am OK with that.

Before and During

This is the best I can find for progress pictures so far. I am really kicking myself for not taking them the whole time but I wanted to post this to keep myself accountable. I feel like sometimes when I start feeling really good I think I can let things slide a little...not so much. This is a reminder to me that I can never go back and need to keep moving forward. My ass and hips are totally hidden so don't think that I don't still have a ton to lose but I am really happy with the results so far.

We have come so far but the battle is timeless..

These are old ads about weight loss. I laugh when older people think something that the younger generation does to lose weight is extreme. I'll admit we all have our obsessive moments that either burn out and fade away or turn into fierce determination but at least we never bought into this shit. FYI: The name of the first product is Ayds.

126 POUNDS...time to Google!

Monday when I stepped on the scale I had lost nother 2 pounds..I busted my ass for that 2 pounds. Overall last week I traveled over 35 miles in a combination of cycling, running and walking. 23 miles were done in one day on our bikes. Damn..that's all I can say about that. I am really proud of how far I have come physically as well as emotionally. These past few weeks have been a turning point and even though I have always said I don't care what other people think we all know that is not true...until now. I have finally reached the point in my life where I am being selfish, this is for me. I could blame so many events or people for the weight I carried and I have but more than anything I am enjoying my life and my new body that can do things I never thought possible. My heart breaks a little when I see old pictures of myself because I feel like I was trapped. If you have never been there then you will never understand. Being fat effects every bit of your life from the way you dress to the way you speak. We are judged so sharply. A skinny girl leaves the house in jeans, tshirt and a pony tail and she is cute...a fat girl is a slob. I still have so much more to lose to get to my first goal and I am not sure I am even going to be happy with that. I am more or less shooting for a size now instead of a weight. The scale cannot define me as a person but I know what size I FEEL good at. So when I am there..I will know. It may be 38 pounds from now or it could be 60 from now...who knows.

Now on to my favorite weight loss hobby..Google. I am still loving googling the pounds I have lost and today I found some featherweight fighters, a model and a dirt bike. The best of all was a prize winning watermelon..126 pound melon!!! Nice.

An Emotional Mess

Walking into the gym alone I felt great, my husband was at home playing with his motorcycle. I am well past my gym fear and onto how hard can I sweat. I climbed upon the elliptical and set the time for 45 minutes..again everything as usual. About 15 minutes in I started to think about my dad. 15 years ago next month he died. He had his 5th heart attack and was gone. He was fit, in shape and played AA baseball. He was handsome, funny and tall. He loved his family more than anything..I wish he would of loved himself a little more. If just once he would of put down the cigarettes, stopped eating the bacon and got some cardio..well, I believe he would still be here. I have spent years so mad at him. Mad at him for not caring enough to change his habits. Right there on the elliptical I started crying, I pushed through and felt strength like I never have before. There is no way I could ever put my children through what he put us through. It just keeps eating at me. On the plus side I did 2.5 miles in 45 minutes on that devil machine..not bad for someone who just rode 23 miles on Sunday.

I am going to be naked with a bodybugg!

I have had a rough week. I have been using calorie counter to track my calories and compare them to my WW points. Ummm, not a good idea. After a mild workout yesterday I left the gym feeling nauseous, thought I needed to eat. I decided to head to Meijer to pick up some groceries as I lost feeling in my left hand..odd but I kept going. After my third aisle I got light headed, my face started to tingle and I saw spots...I spent 20 minutes on the floor of the grocery store. I bottomed out my blood sugar. Not the brightest thing I have ever done but definitely one of the scariest. Thankfully an employee was fast with the OJ that I requested and the ony damage that was done was to my ego. So I am investing in a boddybugg to see what I am really burning. I think it is alot more than the BMR calculator says and I am just killing myself. I don't know what I am going to wear with the bugg because I just opened my spring wardrobe and nothing fits..it is all falling off. I am just going naked. I will surely scare small children because I look like I melted but whatever, it's cheaper than buying clothes every 6 weeks. HA.

Are we competing?

'Cause if we are no one told me! At my gym they run an annual Biggest Loser Contest with teams from local business'. I honestly dread this time of year. The place gets packed and everyone is walking around like they are better than everyone else because they have been dieting and working out for 3-4 whole weeks. Displaying the "ugly" personalities in full force. There is this one girl in particular that I really feel needs a good ass kicking. She is roughly 19 years old...maybe 20. She first caught my attention because she "mock jogs" on the treadmill. It is like a walk and a jog combined. Good for her I first thought! She has a good deal of weight to lose but hell don't we all. Then I noticed day after day she was only getting on the treadmill and not interested in anything else. Again, I thought whatever works...until she butted into a conversation I was having with another gym member. 120 pound loss is obviously a lot to lose and I get asked about it frequently now. It was during one of these conversations that she chimed in about how it seemed like a fast loss and rolled her eyes at me. C'mon..we are NOT children here and I have not been in high school for a very long time. Well now this girl seems to want to try to keep up with or out do me on everything. If it wasn't for the snide looks and eye rolling I would probably take this as a compliment, like she was trying to emulate my weight loss by following my every footstep. I don't really know what her problem is but I can only assume that the attitude she has is going to hinder her journey. Why do we feel the need to compete with eachother all of the time? This is my life and my time and I am here to live it they I want not the way someone else has. The challenge is over in about 4 weeks, I think...my gym will be empty again except for probably a 10% retention rate from the contest. I hate the first of the year, UGH!

Yummo

Potato and Canadian Bacon Slow Cooker Chowder soups POINTS® Value: 3 Servings: 6 Preparation Time: 25 min Cooking Time: 360 min Level of Difficulty: Easy Works with Simply Filling This rich, chunky chowder is extremely satisfying. Lean Canadian bacon gives it great flavor without much fat. Ingredients 2 cup(s) potato(es), cut into 1/2-inch cubes 1 large carrot(s), diced 1 cup(s) leek(s), chopped, white part only 1 medium garlic clove(s), minced 4 cup(s) fat-free chicken broth 1/2 cup(s) uncooked barley 1 piece(s) bay leaf 1/4 tsp dried thyme, crushed 1/4 tsp black pepper 4 oz Canadian-style bacon, cut into 1/4-inch pieces 1/2 cup(s) fat-free evaporated milk 2 oz fat-free half-and-half Instructions In a slow cooker, combine potatoes, carrots, leek, garlic, broth, barley, bay leaf, thyme, pepper and bacon; cover and cook on low for 6 hours. Stir in evaporated milk and half-and-half; heat through, uncovered, about 10 minutes. Yields about 1 2/3 cups per serving