Run Run Run Run.....Breath

 25k Training has taken over my life and with that I have had to make some great adjustments on the food front. I am running, doing speedwork, lifting weights, doing pilates and yoga And spending time on my cycling trainer. My alotted points were killing me (21 on the old plan) So I decided to still count my points but if I was starving and needed to wolf down an egg or a chicken salad I would. I have been eating according to hunger so some days I get 18 points in and some days I get 28 points in. Well my my guess what?? The body likes that and has been giving up poundage. I am sitting at 18 pounds left until goal weight. A nice size 31s in J.crew jeans and a medium top.
Physically I am amazed at what a few weeks of speed work and extra yoga has done. I have never felt this fit. 2 mile warm ups with half mile speed repeats were actually fun. Pilates was a breeze, even the walk out to plank push ups. That's right I can crank out push ups like a girl in boot camp. Can you tell I am excited? The number on the scale means a lot to me but more importantly I am so fit that I am impressing myself.
A tshirt I saw that I need to get : "You may pass me but you won't outlast me."  If you truly know me then you know how much this suites me. Promise I will be back soon. Maybe even with pictures :o)

My body has a mind of it's own.

Well, first off I have to say I am a Road Warrior, I will run 15.5 miles on May 14th, 2011. I was selected from hundreds. I am honored and I am terrified. With this honor comes guest appearances, required training and a lot of meetings. Last week I put in over 15 miles plus weights and yoga. Did the scale move? NO
I stopped freaking out over these plateaus months ago. As long as the scale doesn't go up then I am ok. I will go weeks and weeks with no loss and then BAM, lose 4 pounds. After my most recent scale fiasco I am back to having only 21 pounds to go until my goal. This seems insane to me.I would love to have it gone sooner than later but have learned that if I am eating properly, working out like I should and living life my body lets it go when it wants to. When I started this journey I wore a size 28W and now I can wear a size 8/10 dress, medium tshirt and 10/12 pants.My goal is a 28-29 at the Buckle. I still don't feel that small on most days but I am getting there. I have realized I don't feel small because of my excess lower abdominal skin. It is truly awful. It makes me feel like a mutant. It seems it is not going to shrink anymore. It's just how my body worked out. I plan to start the removal process as soon as I have run the 25K in May with hopes of surgery next fall. For now I am me, still plugging at this healthy lifestyle thing and tackling new crazy endeavors as they come. I have,however, learned that the "New Me" is pretty damn AWESOME.

Dear Anonymous

Anonymous said...

You have good reason to be proud but obsessions never last and if you don't just settle into a long-term, normal, healthy lifestyle (vs. a 2 year "sprint" towards a weighht loss number) and stop weighing yourself 5 times a day, the bubble will burst and you'll gain back the weight.

October 29, 2010 12:35 PM  

My Response:

You are fucking crazy if you think 30 months of hard work and re-educating myself on health, nutrition and fitness is a "sprint" or crash diet. My way of life is healthy and 30 months is long term. It is a WAY OF LIFE now. I work out, plan meals and eat healthy. I go out with my family and enjoy myself. I work out because I like it. Sounds to me like you need to get your ass off the couch and "sprint" a little.

10K Race Report and Road Warrior Votes NEEDED

Saturday I tackled my very first 10k. My average pace lately has been between 10'44" and 11'30" so I really didn't know what to expect. I had set goals in my head. Two months ago I told my husband I just wanted to finish. And then I said I wanted under 1hr 13min. Fast forward and I wanted under 1hr 12min then my more recent goal became 1hr 9min.
The 6.2 miles starts off on a dirt trail on the golf course for about a quarter mile then a quick turn onto the road. I went out fast with an 8'30" pace due to excitement but quickly settled into a 10'30" pace while we worked up hill for the first 2 miles. It was a beautiful day. The first few turns took us through areas of town that were industrial and then we turned onto my brother's road. I smiled from ear to ear when I saw his girlfriend on the porch cheering me on right before mile 3. It was a nice boost and I gave her a thumbs up. We worked down the road to a board walk that runs along the river for a quick out and back for the 4th mile. First down hill and then up. At mile 4 there was a water station that I was thrilled to see. I slowed to a power walk to take in some water and then I was off. I know the race director personally so I knew at mile 5 we were going to start working up hill, drastically up hill. For 3/4 of a mile I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. That was the hardest hill I have ever ran and by the time I reached the top it was pouring rain. The rain felt good actually and helped revive me a little. At mile 6 we turned back onto the dirt trail and ran up to the golf course fairway and to the finish line. I have never been so happy to see a finish line in my life. 1 hour and 10 minutes after I started I was officially a 10k runner. I ran the whole way except the 1 water station that I power walked through. I haven't mastered the run and drink thing yet.

Now the important part. I NEED VOTES!!!!! I am a top 20 finalist to become a Road Warrior and I really want this :o) If you would follow the link and vote for Tiffany Duffield I would be ever so grateful. xoxoxox
http://www.53riverbankrun.com/participants/road-warrior-vote.php

A hop, skip and a jump.....nervous jitters :o)

In 2.5 days I will be running in my first 10K. I am ready. I ran 6 miles last Sunday in 1hr 6 min. I ran 2 yesterday at a 10:44 pace and will run 4 miles of hills tomorrow. Stretch, foam roller, yoga and hydrate. I am ready.
Tomorrow the calls go out to the 5/3rd Road Warrior Finalists. I am scared out of my mind. Nervous, anxious and kinda flipping out. If my phone rings I need to interview on November 3rd for a final spot. I want my phone to ring because I want to run 15.5 miles. I have decided that even if I don't get a spot that I am going to train for the run. Crazy, I know.
Two of my girls ran the Children's Marathon in GR last weekend. My oldest ditched us to go to a fall party with Grandma. Aspen (7) and Chloe (5) ran the entire 1.2 miles. I was so proud. They even managed about a 10:44 pace. I have ever seen such determination on a 5 year olds face in my entire life.

I learned a few things this week:

• When taking Metamucil there is a huge difference between a tablespoon and a teaspoon.
• My girls have as much determination as their momma :o)
• I am addicted to Spice Oatmeal with diced apple and sugar free cool whip.
• Some people don't understand why I work so hard and never will. Wasting my breath is pointless.
• Without my husband's faith in me I don't know how far on this journey I would of made it.

One step at a time...

That's what I tell myself when I am running. One step at a time. I ran 5 miles yesterday, straight through. My dad used to say "It's just one foot in front of the other".
The thing about running is that it's just you and your thoughts. When I am on my bike I feel free, I move fast and I zone out. Running is so much harder for me, my mind wonders in a different way.
Yesterday I thought about where I have been and where I am going on this journey. I am a changed person but I am the same in so many ways. I didn't magically gain the ability to control my cravings and run overnight. 30 months. I have been pushing through, struggling and striving for 30 months. People say I should be proud of what I have done. I am. People see me working out and wonder how I work that hard every day. I have to.  I have to because even though I am smaller, fitter, healthier these are the things I still think:

• Will I be able to fit?
• Am I the biggest girl in the room?
• Can people see my loose skin?

Things get easier but the mindset of a big girl is still there. In the same moment that I hope for tasty and delicious foods at get togethers I fear that same food. I have triggers that send me into mindless eating overdrive. More often than not I can control myself but sometimes I just want to cry. I see naturally thin people standing around the bag of LAY'S and devouring the dip without even thinking. Cheesy chili dips, cookies, chocolate, fresh baked breads, anything sauteed, grilled and most definitely barbecued. I don't have cravings for these things but if I get a taste I may not stop. Just like a recovering alcoholic, I will always be in recovery.
Remember this as you read my blog. I may be healthy and thinner now. I may write about 5 mile runs and 50 mile bike rides but deep down I am still that girl. I struggle and fight, I count my points and work out 6 days a week. I can run 5 miles and I have done it all one step at a time.

5/3rd...What am I thinking?

Fifth Third River Bank Run just opened the application process for Road Warriors. It is a race ambassador position. To inspire others to run and represent the race. I would love to inspire others to run and get healthy. And yet I am terrified they are going to choose me. 25k= 15 miles. That is a lot of miles. Here is the letter I sent:

"I always joked that if you saw me running it was only because something was chasing me. I never thought I would be a runner. I never imagined I would get a high off of hitting a new distance or beating my previous time. I never thought this was possible because just 2 years ago I as 200 pounds over weight. I was a 29 year old wife and mother of 3 girls and I could not walk up my stairs without getting winded. I was depressed and unhealthy. One day I woke up and decided to change my life. I started off on an elliptical and slowly began jogging in 10 second intervals. It was so hard. Everything hurt, I cried over what I had done to my body. As the weight started to come off I felt better, my confidence soared and I signed up for my first 5k. That 5k changed my life. That race made me a runner. I am not fast and it is not pretty but I am a runner. Now I am 187 pounds lighter and I encourage everyone to run. I truly believe the mental strength it takes to run long distances enhances all aspects of your life. Currently I am running 10k distance but I know I have the determination to run 25k. Running saved my life and I would love to represent the 5/3rd River Bank Run an inspire others to run."

 

 

The F*%#ing Scale

I am a chronic weigh-er. Like 3 times a day. It's a bad habit but it has carried me this far. I like to know exactly what I weigh. I make special note to hop my ass on that bitch after I run to see how dehydrated I am. I do worry about losing too much water. ok, whatever that's not the point.
This morning I get up, go to the bathroom, do my business and hop on the scale. BOING! That was the sound of the spring breaking. Yes my scale was old school, analog..dial style if you will. And that damn thing gave out on me this morning. Now 180+ pounds ago I would of thought my fat ass broke it but I know it is from over use.
After a coffee break with some friends I headed to the store to replace my old reliable scale. Standing there staring I settled on a digital, body fat, hydration level know it all scale.
Let me tell you. This expensive piece of shit is a little too honest for me. I gained a few pounds on it. It obviously doesn't respect me like my old scale did. Now I am going to have to break it in and teach it who is boss. I don't like those extra few pounds it tells me about. I really didn't like the fact that my hydration was only 39%.
The sunny side of the situation is that I got on and off that scale three times and it said the EXACT same thing. So even though it seems to have an attitude at least it is consistent.

Ahh The comfort of Weight Watchers

The ups and downs of weight loss can be mentally exhausting. A few months back I hit a plateau  and decided to shake things up a bit. I cut carbs by a LOT! Increased my protein by a LOT. At first this worked, it kinda shocked my body into losing but at the end of the day I still sat there and compared my intake to my "points". LOL, a habit I can't shake. Well lately as my allotted points have gone down I have found it harder to eat low carb and stay in points. Often I was going over and not losing like I should be. SO I am going to shake it up again and go back to high fiber, low fat. I know, I know roll your eyes.  I need to get these points back under control. I knew high protein was temporary since I am not a fan of eating meat but I needed to see where it would go. Now with 21 pounds between me and my goal I am going back to my comfort zone. A place where I know my food fuels me and lets me push myself physically.  If not then it's back to the books.

Longest Run so far :o)

I am slowly getting over the creepin' crud that I am sure my girls brought home from school. I could just see the germs on them.  I am still coughing up some questionable things but overall feeling better. I had to skip my long run on Sunday because I was so sick. I was tired, coughing and getting the sweats. I still can't taste or smell anything.  But yesterday the temperature was perfect so I decided I was headed out for a run. Walking out my front door I planned on 3 because of feeling sick but when I got to the corner I turned towards the 5 mile route. I was off. My pace wasn't great but at least I was out there. The route I chose has a couple of serious hills. The first is  .75 miles long and then the relief of the downhill, the next is after the turn onto a dirt road. The entire road is uphill until the stop sign. The next turn is worse because the road slopes severely on the shoulder so you are running like one leg is shorter than the other. Not a pretty site.
About 3 miles in I had a violent coughing fit and had to walk it off for a couple of minutes. I didn't want to walk but I knew I was stuck on a back road 3 miles from where I started in the middle of farm country. After making sure my lungs were back I ran another 1.3 miles and then walked a quarter mile home to cool down.   I ran 4.3 miles !!! And I was sick, LOL. I guess if I can do 4.3 sick then I can surely do 6.2 healthy, right?

Challenge Pictures!

Ok Week 1 picture. Please excuse the pale face, lack of makeup and bed head. I am SICK! Like train wreck sick. Anyway These are my challenge goal jeans. Levi Strauss Low Rise. Love them. I'm gonna wear them on Christmas Eve, so unless I want to walk around like a stuffed holiday hen then I need to get to business.

Sara’s Christmas Clothes Challenge

Ok, fear has now jumped into my heart. I just agreed to the unthinkable. Fellow blogger over at Sara Gets Skinny has just thrown down the gauntlet. She wants us to cram our asses into some pants that we would like to wear at Christmas. You know, the ones in your closet that only come up to mid thigh. The ones that maybe, if you really tried, and donated an organ you could pull up with Crisco and pliers....yeah those.

The challenge is to post a picture of yourself in those jeans once every two weeks with the ultimate goal to rock them for the holidays. I am in. Why not? You all may see some loose skin but damn it I earned every bit of what is hanging, dangling and jiggling. My pictures will be posted this week sometime.....so ARE YOU IN?

My trip to a 10k

First, let me get the weight loss update out of the way. Saturday morning I saw the lowest number on the scale in at least 15 years. It put me at 21 pounds to lose until "Ultimate Goal" and 6 pounds to lose until the very first fantasy number I picked out of the air. The scale hasn't stuck there but I am used to "heavy Mondays" and am sure I will see that low number again by Wednesday. Fingers and toes crossed anyway :o)

So I mentioned I made a goal to run a 10K on October 23rd. I found a training program from Runner's World and jumped right in. It was made for someone that can easily run 3 miles. Well, I can :o) The plan consists of 2 short runs and 1 long run each week and then later incorporates speed work and tempo runs. Whew, I never thought I would know this much about running. Anyway, Sunday was my long run this week.

I have never ran 4 miles. I always, always stop at 3.1 or less because my initial goal was a 5k. Mentally when I hit that 3.1.....I am DONE. It is a wall. I needed to bust through that wall. Physically I know I am fully capable of 6.2 miles, mentally not so much. Yesterday was warm but not humid so we drove to a trail head and my husband took off to run his "EASY 7" UGH! I had to use the potty and was full of self doubt, thinking there was no way I was gonna hit 4. My hip hurt, I had birthday beer, I was worn out ect...

Stepping out of the potty I stepped right on an empty pack of KOOL Cigarettes. If you are a blog reader you know my father passed away when I was 15 from his last of many heart attacks. He refused to quit smoking and KOOL's were his poison. That empty box lit a fire inside me. I decided right then and there I was going to run the hell out of that 4 miles and I DID! At 3.1 I looked down, smiled, shook my arms out and picked up my pace.

A little litter turned into a big sign for me.

Oh, what to ride, what to ride?

Sunday afternoon Jeramy and I decided to pre-ride the Tour De Donut course. It's supposed to be a fun ride with donut stops every 10 miles. The first 15 miles is fast. 22 mph fast with 2 35mph downhills. And that was with 17-20mph winds. After the first 15 miles it got bad. The wind was strong and there were some hills that I cussed out loud climbing but most of all the road condition was utter and complete SHIT! We rattled around so much on those back roads that I swear I knocked a filling loose. I was thankful for the beautiful weather and cool temperatures but was really wishing for smooth pavement. The last 15 miles is mostly compressed pebble road and combined with the wind I came home with a very sore upper body from being so tense. The first noticeable climb is 9 miles in and takes you through a housing development.  If you aren't standing, you aren't getting up this hill. I don't mind the climbing, I did however mind the new speed bumps that are now in place.  Overall, it is 30 miles and took us 1hr 45 minutes..no drafting and strong winds. BUT...........

The same day as the Tour de Donut is Speed Merchants Harvest Festival Ride. Rockford to Founders Brewing...beer drinkage and back to the Grill One Eleven Tent at Harvest Fest. I know these guys are faster than me, I know the roads are smooth, I know the beer is good and I wouldn't have to eat any gut busting donuts. I fear getting dropped, I fear being the only woman amongst the ego fest but it sounds like a good time. Ahhhh, I need to make a choice soon.

Metro Cruise 5k Vacation Style

Jeramy had a 9 day vacation. His first in years. We made all sorts of plans for Michigan's Adventure, shopping, parades,a date night, cycling adventures....you get the idea. I promised myself I would not freak out over extra treats or possibly not getting a work out in.

I went on my first 2 mile trail run and my first 20 mile night ride. We walked for hours at Michigan Adventure and I did manage to get in a good weight session. I squeezed in a 3 mile run to get ready for the Metro Cruise 5k.

Food was not so good. We ate out a TON. I made smart choices but couldn't control sodium or cooking oils. We ate at the Melting Pot for our date night, took the kids to a buffet after Michigan's Adventure, ended up eating dinner at 10pm Saturday because of our crazy schedule. Not great choices but I didn't eat any fast food either. Bonus is I did not Gain or Lose a pound overall.

I posted my best 5k time Saturday at the Metro Cruise with a 33:38. I believe the course was .10 short but with the hills we ran it is hard to tell and my Nike+ has been off ever since the software update. I couldn't believe the time as I came across the line. I knew I had been hitting a pretty good pace but I didn't think it would be that good. I am not a speed racer by any means but I am closer to my own personal running goals.

Still 23 lbs away from my ULTIMATE goal. Probably 23 weeks until I hit that goal :o) I am in no hurry. I would rather the rest come off slow and stay off forever.  Next stop, Le Tour De Donut!

Feeling Accomplished

 I have this plan.  I set this plan last year at the  Every Stride 5k.  I was going to run the 10k.  And well, as most of you know once I say I am going to do something, I do it. So this October I am going to run the 10k............scary. I have been getting used to the distance by walking 1 mile, running 3 and then walking another for cool down. I know it is not 6.2 but I am building. My plan is to add half a mile of running a week and as long as we don't have another heat wave that makes me feel like I am living in the bowels of hell I should be ok. We made a last minute choice to run the Metro Cruise Run so that will at least give me a little race feel before October.
I am still slow but sure on the weight loss front. 185 lost!!!! 8 pounds until I reach the magic number I picked out of the sky over 2 years ago. That will not be my goal weight. All together I feel 23 pounds until I can practice maintenance. I can wear my husbands jeans ! That is huge considering they are 32's and I no longer panic when I circle size medium for my race t-shirts. My rings were sized down 3 sizes and my skin is getting better. Not great but better. So much change from will power, strength and determination leaves me feeling pretty damn good about things lately. 

Friday Five

 

1. I run better in the morning before my body has a chance to realize what the hell I am doing to it.
2. I want a cupcake but I want to hit goal weight more.
3. I am smaller now than when I was a freshman in college.
4. Cycling is my therapy.
5. Do not ask me for weight loss advice and then go eat pizza & ice cream an hour later. My next advice will be to sew your damn mouth shut.

Friday Five

Each Friday I am going to post 5 things I have learned about myself that week....I think it will help me appreciate how far I have come.

1. Apple Cider Vinegar helps me move things along. Just Sayin'
2. I weigh myself every day, it is what works for me.
3. I cannot keep Kind Protein bars in the house because I will eat them all.
4. I like running on a dirt road a lot more than I thought I would.
5. More often then not it is my self doubt that keeps me from doing something instead of my physical ability.

I'll Pray for you......

Growing up I hated hearing those words. I am 1/4 italian and grew up in a very melting pot neighborhood. As with all suburbs in the Detroit area it was mostly italian, greek, and polish. Can we say religious?  I won't even start about the food. I am sure you can imagine.
Anyway in St. Clair Shores I never had religion thrown in my face, you just were. You believed in god, helped your neighbor, raked leaves for a dollar, played hockey in the street and kickball at the school yard.
We moved up north when I was 13. Our road was dirt and the first week we were asked by at least 20 families to attend one of the 4 churches in our new tiny town. My dad called them all hypocrites because they would sit together and pray and then talk about each other outside the church doors. Funny, I just thought they were all crazy.
My Grandmother was infamous for saying "just pray for them" every time someone would make me angry or upset. Recently I heard a country song that helps it all makes sense:
I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you......

There is more to it but I am sure you get the idea. You see some people in your life just aren't worth stressing over so just pray for them, LOL. 

Goals and Inspiration

When I started to lose weight I never thought it would inspire other people to change their lives. So many have sent private messages telling how I have helped them change. I want to share one with you:
"So I have been following the couch to 5K program. And tonight I was to walk 5 jog 3 walk 5 I know doesn't sound like much but it was a good work out. I started the timer to run or thought I did. was running sweating like mad got tired looked to see how much time I had to go. and noticed I never started so not knowing how long I ran I decided to be honest with myself I needed to push start and run for 3 mins. And I did

However the reason for my message is when I feel like I want to quit or am tired I see you running with me and encouraging me to keep going. I picture your split weight loss picture. I have no reason why but thank you for running with me each night. See It's important for you  to post these pics and your exercising. Spring 5K here i come. And If I loose weight along the way even better. The cucumbers, tomatoes and I are best friends this summer."


I didn't include her name for privacy reasons but am in awe by the amount of people whose lives I have touched. You guys make it easier for me to set goals I didn't think I could accomplish and keep pushing to prove to myself and others that nothing is out of reach.  
Next year I have a few races picked out but have set my overall goal to do two things. 1) Ride a century and 2) Run the Chicago Rock & Roll Half Marathon. Each and every email puts a new fire in my belly and a smile on my face.

Much more Muchier

I come here, I read my blog roll. I laugh, cry, scowl but I have been slacking at posting. I don't feel like I have wisdom to share. I have found some strange peaceful place I have never known. Before in my old body I felt so out of control. My world was spinning, I was grasping. I took everything so personally. I had lost my wit, my spunk or as the Mad Hatter would say my muchness.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, muchness means "the quality or state of being in great quantity, extent, or degree." What the Mad Hatter was talking about, in his odd and slightly hysterical way, was that Alice had lost some of who she used to be. He was inferring that she had lost some of the true essence of herself as she'd grown older.
I hadn't lost my muchness due to growing older but due to growing bigger. I had no idea what I had lost until I started to get it back. I forgot that I was funny, sarcastic, smart, confident, open minded and beautiful. I was beat down, defeated, angry and so very sad.
  Getting my muchness back has been as much as an experience as losing all of this weight.  I am glad I am now much more muchier :o)
Another bit of peace that has been brought upon me came in an even more unexpected form. My face. In the last 30 or so pounds my face has changed a lot. I started to notice about 6 months ago that I was starting to look like my father. I miss him so much that when the wrinkles came and my jaw line peaked out I smiled. Recently my brother saw me and mentioned that he was surprised at how much I looked like our dad. I now look in the mirror and see so much of what I was starting to forget. His eyes, laugh lines, forehead wrinkles..it's all there staring right back at me.
Who would of ever thought I could of gained so much by losing?

SHOPPING!

The rain has been getting to me and last week was especially bad. I was torn between staying in bed or building an Ark. Neither choice won but my attitude was certainly sour. I have become increasingly annoyed with my lack of wardrobe. I don't buy much because I go through sizes quickly and until now have been able to get by with Goodwill and clearance racks. Well on Saturday I kinda snapped. I pulled out my favorite jeans and they were too big. Now i know this should be a yippee yay Hell Yeah moment. And it was but it also meant I needed clothes, again...
My husband is very giving when it comes to shopping trips but I am very frugal. I always think about the other places in our lives that we could spend the money rather than clothing for me. I kinda needed a clothing intervention so I went SHOPPING!
American Eagle has always been one of my favorites so I bought plenty. Tops, capris, summer cardigans, ect...
I also got a new Speedo Halter swimsuit that is more revealing than anything I have ever worn but the best part was my stop to Burlington.
I needed bottoms. Now I would prefer to spend most of my life in a-line calf length skirts of babydoll summer dresses because I have always had a strong dislike for my thunder thighs. (I think this is why I love fellow blogger, Bitch Cakes.) Anyway, I found cargo capris and cute little khaki cuffed cargo shorts. I took them into the fitting room in fear that the lump of fat next to my knee was going to show and my huge saggy thighs would look even bigger in the shorts. Well I slipped them on and I LOVE THEM. I love my legs, I love the length. I love that I can walk and the and the center doesn't ride up because my thighs are touching too much. I bought my first pair of shorts in over 15 years. I was so happy as I left that store I cried.

The scale does move.

Over the past few months I have been fighting the same 5 pounds over and over again. I was working out hard and eating healthy but I was getting no where. Back to the books I went. I spent days pouring over books about nutrition, glycemic index, weight training, metabolism types, ect....

With 1 week left of P90X I called it a draw and stopped the program. I went back to Body for Life workouts. I have adjusted my eating by limiting fruit to 1 per day and no more than 100 grams of carbohydrates per day, no more than 50 grams of fat and at least 90 grams of protein. And it Works!

I have lost that 5 pounds plus 2 more. I have a ton more energy and my workouts don't take up half of my day. I may return to another round of P90X once I hit my goal but not until then. It is too intense and too hard not to carb load to keep energy up. It is not a weight loss program, it is a get in crazy good shape program.

So ,YAY ME!!!! I have 18 pounds to go until my first goal I set. I think I am going to aim for 5-10 more beyond that and then go see about plastics. I assume when my "apron belly" of loose skin is removed it will be another 10 lbs or so. I really can't believe I am so close. When everything is said and done my total loss will be roughly 200 pounds. Sometimes it is hard to wrap my head around that number. What a trip! 

Eternally Happy

I'm never sure what my exact religious beliefs are. I was raised by an italian father who was Catholic and I was baptized Episcopalian. Whatever it is, my hope for an afterlife remains strong. This week my Grandfather passed. If you have read back to the beginning of my blog you now that my Grandmother's life and her passing greatly influenced me to change mine. I have struggled with her death as it was painful to watch cancer eat her away in just a few short weeks. The Grandfather that passed was her husband of 60 years and my last grandparent.

I have not cried a single tear.  I was so at peace with his passing and so happy to know that the two people I looked up to the most were together again. They loved each other like teenagers until the very end. Holding hands when they walked and even signing christmas cards with cute little names. They loved each other and their family with a fiery passion that you don't see anymore.

The service as amazing. I had the honor of choosing the music and what I chose summed it up perfectly. "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. My Grandfather was a Merchant Marine and an officer in WWII. He went to Howe Military academy and West Point. So did my Uncle Ray and my Dad was in the 82nd Airborne. The flowers at the church were displayed in the Masonic Star because at one point he was the head Mason. At the graveside service they played taps and fired off the gun salute. It was truly beautiful seeing as the cemetery had already prepared for Memorial Day with the flags on display. 

2 1/2 years go when my grandma's cancer came back my grandfather had a stroke the same week. He went to the Masonic home for rehab and paid for my grandmother to be kept in the room across from hm as she battled with cancer. The doctors told us she had 6 weeks and in between rehab sessions my grandfather sat by her bed every waking moment. He fought to get stronger and recover from the stroke just so he could take care of his Evy.  She died and so did a large part of him. In a sense my grandfather has been gone since she died.

There is such a peace inside me knowing that they are together again. It makes me smile to think of them eternally happy.

Zoo-De-Mac 2010

What a weekend. We discovered two things this weekend. We no longer party and I can be pushed to high speeds.

I admit I was scared to be around 2,500 other cyclists. I didn't know if I could "hang". I didn't know how I would be looked at in my spandex. I didn't know if I could climb the hills. I had a lot of doubt about myself.

The started like a bad Nation Lampoon movie. Our 25' breakfast buffet at the hotel ended up being a 2 foot counter. The eggs were not real. Eggs are cheap so imagine a cheaper substitute...now imagine eating the slime from Nickelodeon. Yup GROSS. The waffle maker and toaster didn't work because of a blown fuse and the fruit salad was warm. I ended up with a  bagel and cream cheese. Then the trolley showed up with the bike trailer. Hahaha, it WAS NOT a bike trailer but we were prepared and actually wrapped our bikes in foam for transport. The company still managed to rip my brand new bar tape.
40 minutes later we were dropped at Boyne Mountain. It was hot and sunny.

A lady we met on the shuttle told us "The pain you feel on the first 25 miles is worth the view" Yup, she scared the shit out of me. We quickly got comfortable on our saddles and fell into a good cadence. After turning the first corner I saw a hill that compared to anything I had climbed so I worked my way up passing people. I looked down and we are only 3 miles in. I was warned that the bad hills were at mile 8 and mile 10. This was no joke. The hill at mile 8 had to be a mile long with  false flat and then another 1/4 mile of climbing. People were pushing their bikes up but I refused. I thought that was bad and it took me a while to get my legs back under me and up to speed. At mile 10 the hill was after a sharp turn. The look of it was horrifying. People were actually stopped at the top cheering people on that made it. The hill was so long that I had to alternate between standing time and saddle time but I made it up. I only managed about 9mph on that climb but I did it. Sweat pouring out of my helmet and legs on fire I did it.

After a few miles of flat and small climbs we came upon the "Tunnel of Trees", a sign before entry warned of the steep down hill. 36.6 mph on a road bike is a rush. I passed a girl with 2 hand fulls of brake and as white as a ghost. That road was amazing.

Mile 25 brought us to Leggs Inn in Cross Village for lunch. Rest, refuel and rehydrate. We didn't stay long. The second half was flatter with some long gradual climbs. The kind of climbs that leave you wondering why the hell you are going so slow if the road looks flat.

Mile 35 brought about an interesting situation. My husband and I ride together. Often we are not next to each other because the idea is to take turns in front. The rider in back burns 30% less energy. Well we picked up some people and had a nice pace line for a while but dropped them. I came upon another rider that was letting people (men) pass him. When I approached his wheel he saw me and picked up speed, I picked up. He kept picking up speed so I couldn't pass so I backed off. I then watched as he let 2 more MEN pass him. This truly pissed me off and I informed my darling husband that he needed to learn a lesson and I was the girl to teach it to him. My husband responded with "go get him" giving me full permission to attack knowing he would follow. Full sprint at 25mph I caught him, passed him and pulled him at that pace for 3-4 miles until he was just too tired to keep up.
Sir, if I ever meet you again I truly hope you learned a lesson on that long sandy stretch of road. I ride like a girl....try to keep up.

The rest of the ride went by fast and when we only had 4 miles left we attacked again because we were eager to be out of the saddle. Overall the views were breath taking, the weather was perfect and 99% of the people were friendly. We completed the 51 miles in a little bit over 3 hours and spent a well deserved weekend away doing what we love.

Why is it always so hard ?

Really? That seems to be my question for everything lately. Why is it so hard for my kids to listen to me? Why is it so hard for adult women to be nice to each other? Why is it so hard to lose the last of this weight?

As I type this my youngest is literally having  tantrum over not having enough bubbles in her bath. My oldest is screaming at my middle girl about some sort of drama and the only thing I can do is listen to it and hope to keep some of my sanity. It doesn't help to scream at them or separate them. Just  ride the chaos out and hope it ends without bloodshed.

I have decided I am going to actively start sending my husband's resume out west. I hate the area I live in. I was not raised to be rude and catty but it seems almost every woman in this area was. Details don't matter but I am sick of everything from glares to mindless chatter about my weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, what the hell? I do this by the book. I am a good little weight watchers soldier. I work out damn near every day and yet again the scale just stays. I don't want to hear any more about muscle and size and the fucking measuring tape. I want the scale to move. It is true that I can physically accomplish a whole world of things I couldn't before but I am tired of this constant battle. I work out too much I gain, I work out too little I gain. I eat too much protein I gain. I eat sugar I gain. I live on fresh spinach, egg whites and chicken breast and guess what? I GAIN! Then the next week I lose what I gained and it starts all over again.

So many opinions and ideas on the subject leave my head spinning. I journal. I work out. I eat low sugar, healthy carbs, high fiber non processed foods. I run, I ride, I do plyo, I lift, I Zumba, I do yoga. I just want the scale to move. Just budge. Just a little at a time. I am not looking for biggest loser numbers but a pound a week isn't too much to ask for. Vent over. Now I am going to work out.

Total Loss to date 170

I haven't done this in a while so I googled 170. Most of the pictures were people but I did find this one of this big big fish. My goal I set in the beginning is now only 23 pounds away. I may lose 30 just to say I lost 200 pounds all on my own. So I guess I lost this:

Happy Feet

I just want some happy feet. Pain free, blister free happy feet.
When I started running in September I was wearing New Balance because of the support. In January I switched to Nike+ Vomeros which I LOVE. The problem I find is that there is still so much padding. I kept telling my husband if I could run in wrestling shoes or moccasins I would be a happy girl. Well, I was turned on to Vibram Five Fingers and they are creating some happy feet, no running in them yet per instructions but I will get there.
My feet are still sad on the bike.
As a person who rides 15-50 miles on average 4-5 times a week the points of contact must be happy. Hands, feet, and ass. These are your points of contact. My hands are happy. I keep the weight off of them with my core. My ass is happy, I have a $200 seat. My feet are horribly sad. I have high arches and a tiny hobbit foot. Last season I started with a pair of Bontragers. All season I got hot spots numb toes. This year I switched to Nike which fit like a dream and have a carbon sole. The problem comes after about 10 miles when my feet start to swell. The toe box room is limited so my feet start feeling like they are in a vice. Sometimes the pain is so bad it's hard to climb hills. Fast forward to Team Estrogen ladies who all swear by Specialized Torch shoes. The price caused sticker shock. It took me a while to even wrap my head around spending that much on shoes that didn't have a stiletto heel. So here I am waiting for my Specialized Torch shoes in silver with a fiberglass infused sole, vents and a ratchet closure system. I am told this will give my happy feet.

Weight Loss Update: 23 pounds to go until my "goal" I set when I started this journey. Will I stop there? I don't know yet. Depends on the size of my jeans :o)

Little bits of current happenings.......

P90X is going well. I follow the schedule exactly as written and as stated before add some cardio. Mostly cycling because that is what I love. I at the end of week 6 so I am officially half way though my first 90 days. The scale doesn't do leaps and bounds on this but I have seen some amazing body results. Inches lost and functional strength increased. Functional strength probably doesn't make much sense but let me explain.  Most of my weights I use are 10,15 & 20's and haven't increased in the past 6 weeks but I can jump higher, balance longer, do normal push-ups and hold the crane pose. Under the remaining 25 pounds I am strong and fit and the bonus is I actually feel it.

I am still counting points. I will probably count points until I am too senile to remember what points are. It works for me. It is what clicks and if I am a perfect little point keeper and limit my sugars and carbs I lose. Sometimes the intensity of my work outs makes me crave carbs. I am finding foods that help control that and are point friendly because anyone that does WW knows, the points get pretty low.

I ran the Yellow Jacket 5k and shaved some seconds off of my time. I was happy with that considering I had only run twice in a months time. I just wasn't feeling it. I got a pair of Vibram Five Finger Sprints and love them. I have been wearing them for daily activities and work outs but not to run yet. I want them perfectly broken in before I attempt that task. Soon I hope to be a "barefoot" runner. It is goin to be like learning to run all over again.

Speaking of running I wasn't going to follow through on my list and run the 5/3 Riverbank Run. I just got sick of it. I would rather pedal 50 miles than run 3. It is so hard for me. My back hurts and my knees swell. The osteoarthritis in my spine tightens up so quickly that I can't take "walk breaks". Once I am in motion I have to stay in motion. My knees swell. My knee surgeon said no running. I say you only live once. So fate stepped in and Pure Fit Radio sent me a complimentary entry to the Riverbank Run. The running gods say I must run so I will run. Hell, they have beer at the finish so that's worth it, right?

2 years later

 Wednesday it will be 2 years since I decided to change the way I was living. I almost feel like I should celebrate my birthday that day because that is when I really started living. So two years later and I am not at goal but that doesn't bother me. I give 100% every day and I live my life. There have been glasses of wine and slices of birthday cake along the way and I never beat myself up over eating them because I knew I had to live like this forever. The plan wasn't to change things only until goal, I needed to change myself for the rest of my life and I certainly have. I will get to goal.

So a P90X update:
I have been pushing play every day and this program rocks!! It is not a weight loss program that is for sure but I am faster, stronger and leaner than I have ever been in my life. A lot of people ask about doubles so here is what last week looked like:

Monday~ Run 2.75 miles a.m. / Chest & Back Abx p.m.
Tuesday~ Plyometrics (Death on DVD)
Wednesday ~ Arms & Shoulders Abx a.m. / 12.5 mile bike ride 15.1 mph avg
Thursday~ YogaX  (Best 90 minutes of yoga ever)
Friday~ 12.5 miles ride 15.1 mph avg a.m. / Legs & Back Abx pm
Saturday~ 22.5 mile bike ride. 1st half 20mph avg  2nd half 14 mph avg into a 20mph headwind in the pouring rain. That sucked, we poured water out of our shoes afterward.
Sunday~ REST....Thank God.

On average this is 2 hours of workouts most days and if you notice it is all different. This Friday I will substitute a ride with Zumba because I love Zumba and to me it doesn't feel like work. This kind of schedule is why god created coffee.

Bring It!

Well, I made it through week 1 of  P90X. I have been told by the Beach Body crew that what I am doing is referred to as "doubles". The proper days to add the cardio are the strength training days. Take a break and refuel between sessions if you want to give this a go.

So mid-week I wasn't sure I was going to be able to keep this up through the whole 90 days. There were some moments that I was so tired that I wanted to cry. Tears of exhaustion are the worst kind. Friday rolled around and I hauled my ass out of bed and to the gym for Zumba. I love Zumba. If there is one work out that ha got me through and increased my cardio levels the most it is Zumba. BUT, yes there is a BUT, I have been attending this class for around a year. The same people come to the class every morning and the class STILL has to be stopped for instruction. I love my Zumba ladies and I love that the instructor was modifying things for me to make them more high impact but lately besides yoga this is the only reason I have been going to the gym. Everything else is done at home or outside. So after a long discussion with my husband I ordered the Zumba Fitness set and am canceling our gym membership. GASP!

In the long run I would like to become a Zumba instructor. There are certification classes in the fall that I hope to attend and there are several buildings in the area that are large enough to house a weekly class. The great part is that I can even get certified in Zumba for children. As you look around the area we have a horrible childhood obesity problem and I would like to do something about it.

So the routine is staying the same but the environment is changing. No more monotonous cardio machines at the gym. Mindless cardio and I don't mix. And now that I have strayed completely off my original topic I am happy to report that I made it through last week. Took my rest day yesterday, ran 2.71 miles this morning with my best pace to date  and then came home and completed Chest/Back & ABX. 82 days left :o)
Today is just one of those days that I am so thankful for the changes I have made in my life I can't quit smiling.

The next 90 days might kill me.

I have taken the challenge. I have done some crazy things in the past 2 years to get fit. I have done things I have said I would never ever do. Running for example. I always wondered why someone would run. Were they being chased? Is something on fire? I never really understood the sense of accomplishment involved. I also used to wonder why anyone would ride a bike completely bent over for 40 or 50 miles. Now I completely understand. So on to another challenge for me.

I have started P90X.

I have attempted to start the program 2 times before. Both times I started I couldn't make it through 15 minutes. And let's discuss Ab Ripper X. This crazy guy wanted me to do "crunchy frogs" just sitting on my tail bone. I thought there was no way I would ever accomplish this.

Monday was day 1 and it was almost irritatingly easy. What I mean is that I was mad that I couldn't do that workout before. When they were out of breath and sweating on the dvd I was excited and ready to go. Day 2 was Plyometrics (jump training). This is high and I mean HIGH impact. It was so challenging I actually wanted more. I was sweaty and breathing hard and felt like I couldn't keep going but I did. I haven't been pushed that hard in months. Today was shoulders and arms. Again I was amazed at how simple the routine seemed but it has to be working because I wake up every morning thinking someone beat the shit out of me. So 87 days left !! We shall see if I have the amazing made for TV results like the infomercial people.

Here is why I may die. I refuse to give up running or cycling or zumba or yogalates so all of those things will be added to the P90X program.  Running or cycling 3 times a week, zumba once a week and yogalates once a week.

I WILL become a P90X graduate on June 19, the first day of summer. Challenge on!

2010 Irish Jig

I loved this race. Michigan weather was bipolar again on Saturday and we woke up to snow. Man it was cold. I was decked out in a green bandanna, Nike knickers and running coat. Good to go. Again it was COLD. I did all of the pre-race rituals. Hydrated, carb loaded, stretched, tapered ect. I will post the delicious alfredo recipe from runners world at the bottom.

We arrived to EGR HS and it was packed. We still had to pick up out packets so we made our way into the gym. Everything was so well organized and they had the cutest irish band playing for everyone. We got our packets and wandered around finding people we knew would be there. Men were running at 9am and Woman at 9:35am so Jeramy headed out to warm up and I stayed inside were it was, well, WARM.

I had found my friend Jessica (check out her blog Real Food for Real Life ) and we headed out together. She is a much stronger runner than me so headed towards the back and she headed towards the front. This was a mistake on my part. I underestimated myself and should of headed towards the middle more but oh well, live and learn. The snow was falling and it was freezing out but I was ready to go. Right on time the race started and I crossed the line about 2 minutes after the start. That's how many people there were. WOW. Right away I found out that I was behind some people that didn't run the same pace as me. We were headed downhill at the start and alot of them were trying to fight gravity and take short choppy steps. Right then and there I knew this would be a learning experience for me. From .5 miles to around mile 2 we were working slightly uphill with a few little downhill rollers in there. I am not a fast runner but I am consistent so when I would come upon a row of 4 women talking and jogging I would have to slow until I figured out how to get around them. Now I know why some races have pace markers in lineup. It didn't bother me that much.. I was there to finish. This happened a few more times especially after mile 2 when we started working downhill. One time it was with a husband, baby and stroller that had decided to join his wife for the last mile. I have never had the ability before to pass people so I really learned some lessons that morning. After the last corner I visualized my line and started to kick coming in at 37:54.  That is 10 minutes faster than my 1st 5k. It is not lightening speed but I have greatly improved.

Crossing that line I ran directly to Jeramy who finished with a strong 20:22. A little slow for him but the silly man was horribly under dressed for our 1st day of spring snow. By  the time we got back into the gym they were serving cake and the band was playing again. They started handing out door prizes, trophies and everyone was swapping stories. My cousins husband slid out in the first corner and had a nasty case of road rash on his leg but still finished 21:24...he is over 50, amazing!!! My friend Jessica, mentioned above, came in at 27:22 and another friend Joelle ran it in 36:xx and it was her first one :o)

Overall it was wonderful. Well organized, great course and FUN. It is definitely a must do if you are in the area.

Rocco's Healthy Alfredo:
8 ounces whole-wheat fettuccine
1 tablespoon butter
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons cornstarch
Pinch of ground nutmeg
3/4 cup low-fat, low-sodium chicken broth
3/4 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
3/4 cup 5 percent Greek yogurt
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add fettuccine; cook according to package directions.

While pasta cooks, melt butter in a large nonstick saute pan over medium heat. Add garlic and cook two minutes.

Combine cornstarch and nutmeg in a small bowl; whisk in chicken broth until smooth. Pour into saute pan, raise the heat, and bring sauce to a simmer, whisking occasionally.

Whisk in 1/2 cup of the cheese until melted. Remove pan from heat.
Whisk in yogurt until smooth.

Toss fettuccine with Alfredo sauce. Season with salt and pepper. Top pasta with remaining cheese. Serves four.
CALORIES PER SERVING: 336
CARBS: 47 G
PROTEIN: 18 G
FAT: 10 G

Zoo-De-Mackinac

"The Zoo-de-Mack is a weekend of huge parties with great bands, one of the most scenic bicycle rides in the country, a lot of sunshine, views of the mighty Mackinac Bridge, and one magical island."

 Hotel is reserved. Trip is planned :o)
Originally we planned on riding the Dalmac in August/September. It is a week long cycling trip but my father in law is having his hands operated on and honestly I don't think he is up to the task of a tween girl, an overly intellectual 7 year old and a 40 year old in a 5 year old girls body. So we decided we would wait a few years to do that ride. It is almost 100 miles a day for 4 days. I would like to take the children on this ride in maybe 5 years. It will be the summer before Brianne's senior year of high school and I think it would be good for all of us.

Anyway we got turned on to the Zoo-De-Mackinaw. It is a 2 day bike party. Upon arrival in Boyne Highlands on Friday night you pick up your packet and all access wristband. The website says if you are smart you will then go back to your room and sleep until 7am....LOL. 90% of the riders don't and we probably won't either. There is a pre-party with lots of drinking and a band. The next morning a shuttle takes you to the start of the ride and you begin the 50 mile trip to Mackinaw City. There is a stop for lunch to soak up the rest of the booze in your system and the first 8 miles are constant climbing. Once in Mackinaw City you stop by your hotel, drop off the bike, freshen up and head to the Island for a night of cyclists gone wild.

You see the thing with cyclists is that we all consider beer a form of fuel and really if you have ever ridden any distance you already know how a nice cold refreshing beer makes everything seem a little less painful and a lot more fun. So after a night of debauchery the ferry brings you back at 2am and you stumble to your fancy room and pass out until check out time. YAY!

Some highlights of the ride include:
51 miles along Lake Michigan on a paved road with very little automobile traffic. Riders pedal through rolling countryside and trillium covered forests, along sandy beaches, and are surrounded by breathtaking views of Lake Michigan from 400' high bluffs. We stop approximately half way, at a unique place called the Legs Inn for a leisurely lunch and to swap stories. The ride continues on to Mackinaw City for a finish line party and where Arnold Ferry boats have been chartered for the ride over to Mackinac Island. There is also a downhill section called the "Tunnel of Trees" and some riders have reported speeds up to 40 mph on this section.For more info click here

A pound is a pound

I usually have Friday coffee dates with some good friends. This past week while chatting one of them mentioned Oprah claiming that muscle weighs more than fat. Wow. Oprah? I thought she was a little more aware than that. The truth is as most of us know that a pound is a pound. A pound is a until of measurement. A pound of flour weighs the same as a pound of butter. That is why it is called a POUND. The difference is the "space" that pound takes up. In general a pound of muscle takes up a lot less space than a pound of fat because the muscle is denser. A 1 pound cast iron weight takes up very little space compared to a pound of packing peanuts. This misconception has been around for so long that people really believe it. It is the same as people believing that the number on the scale dictates their level of health fitness and value as a human. I know the number on my scale. I have known it every day, good or bad, for the past 2 years.  Many times the number won't move and I get as discouraged as the next person  but as long as my clothes keep getting looser and my fitness levels keep improving I am a happy girl.

Speaking of fitness levels I ran 3.93 miles yesterday. My Nike+ Sportband only registered 3.7 but it needs to be re-calibrated. That is a common problem with the Nike+ system. As your running ability improves your stride length usually gets longer so you are covering a greater distance but your foot is spending the same amount of time on the ground as when your stride was shorter. The concept itself is slightly flawed but I still love it compared to the bulkiness of a Garmin Forerunner. My goal is 6-7 miles by October and my ULTIMATE goal is the GR Half Marathon in 2011.  I am still not in love with running but I do enjoy setting goals that seem unattainable and meeting them.

Product Review: Knickers

I have been on the search for the perfect cycling knickers. Last year I went through several pair (and sizes) made from Aerotech Designs but now they are huge on me. So the search began. I ordered a pair of Shebeest Pedal Pushers, Terry Bellas and Pearl Izumi Sugars. The Shebeest & Terry I ordered in a size Medium because that is my goal.  They both go on but I could never pedal in them because they are too tight.  So I decided to by just one more pair to get me through until the others fit. I went with the PI Sugars due to the short inseam and good reviews. I ordered a Large and they fit perfectly. The chamois is wonderfully thick but fitted well. The best part of all it the drawstring on these. I usually have a hard time because my waist is so much smaller than my hips but the drawstring is fabulous. I love these knickers. They fit like they were made for me. They earned a seal of approval after 30 minute on the trainer. My goal is 30 minutes a night on the trainer until I can get outside regardless of what I do during the day. This should get me ready for the roads and get my saddle ass back :o)

PS...Scary Blogger Stalker, I have no idea what you are talking about but if you keep harassing me Blogger can track your IP address. Have a lovely day and take your delusions elsewhere.

Funny Things that happen during Weight Loss...

So as I was in Zumba today I started thinking about all of the things that have happened to me while losing weight. Here are a few that came to mind:

• While doing forward fold in yoga I realized I probably have never been that close to my feet before and I need a pedicure.
• I woke my husband up one night freaking out about the bone sticking out of my ankle. Turns out it is supposed to be there.
  
• If I don't wear the proper clothing while running I swear I hear my stomach clapping for me..ahh loose skin, gotta love it.
• I was slapped on the ass by my brothers girlfriend. She couldn't help herself :o)
• Cycling knickers I used to love can now be pulled up to my chest, earning the name "boob pants"
• My poor husband is highly irritated when I drive the truck. Not because I am a bad driver but because he has to move the seat all the way back and now have to move it all the way forward. My fat booster seat is gone.
• Fat floats..seriously. We love the hot tubs and when we used to go my body had such a high % of fat I would float off the seats. Now I am firmly planted but my inner thighs float up.
• There are bones in my ass and it hurts to sit for too long.
  

These are just a few. There are also some not so funny thing like:

• My grandfather didn't recognize me in his aging state of mind. Once he figured out who I was he was impressed but I wanted to be fat again so he would know who I was.
  
• A girl at the gym talking to me about how she couldn't believe people could let themselves get morbidly obese. She had to be informed of my weight loss.
  
• My skin is screwed. From my knees to my waist I look like I was melted.
• I have had nervous breakdowns over going out to eat.
• High sugar and high fat foods make my physically ill now.
• Some people hate me for losing the weight.

The good moments far out number the bad and I usually laugh at something that has happened daily. I challenge you to think of things that have happened on your journey to make you laugh really hard or moments that have made you cry like a baby because these are the moments that get us through. These little non scale victories and challenges are what make this journey worth it. It is called living and I am happy as hell to finally be dong it.

Busting A Plateau

From Jillian Michaels:

There is nothing more discouraging than stepping on the scale after a week of diligent dieting and grueling workouts and not seeing any drop in the numbers. The plateau is a common problem among dieters and can typically be waited out, but there are measures you can take to keep your metabolism fired up even as you reduce your caloric intake.

The best way to approach a plateau is to keep your salt intake below 2,000 mg a day and drink lots of water. Don't eat any processed carbs for a week (that's right -- no chips, sugar, white flour, and so on) and hit the gym hard! The boost in exercise will make your body swell and hold a little water weight for a few days, but after a week you should see the benefits on the scale.

You can also play around with your caloric intake a bit, varying it from day to day throughout the week while keeping the same weekly total. The human body can't slow the metabolism to adjust to a reduced caloric intake if the intake isn't fixed from one day to the next. For instance, to bust my plateau, I might have 1,200 calories on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then eat 1,500 calories on Tuesday, 1,600 on Thursday, 1,400 on Saturday, and 1,700 on Sunday. Get it?

The plateau effect can also simply be a matter of flagging resolve. If mixing up your caloric intake just isn't working, make sure you're not slipping up on your diet or slacking off in your workouts. It happens to the best of us -- sometimes you just need a little reality check to get yourself back on track.

As with any program, there will be highs and lows, but the most important thing is to stay with it. Your body is trying to adjust to the weight loss. Don't get scared or discouraged. Just be patient and know you're worth it!

Complain, Complain, Complain...

I feel like such a Debbie Downer lately but I am sick of the scale just not moving. It was going down down down and then *poof* it has frozen at the same number for 2 weeks. It's not the end of the world but it is depressing. To give you a good idea why this is depressing look at my schedule:

Monday~ Run 40 minutes
Tuesday~Weights 1 hr
Wednesday~Run 30 minutes
Thursday~Yogalates
Friday~Zumba 1hr/weights 30 minutes
Saturday~Run 40 minutes

I stay within my points and eat healthy foods, drink my water and take my vitamins. I don't know whether to scream or cry. I mean who works out like that, eats healthy foods and nothing happens?
It has taken me 50 weeks to lose 50 pounds...stellar huh? Yes I have lost inches, yes I am healthier and more physically fit. I lost the first 115 pounds in 10 months. I am exhausted, I want the scale to move, I want people to stop playing copycat with me and more than anything I want Spring to hurry up so I can get out of the stuffy gym and on to the road. I need to surround myself with different people.
I don't like saying "yay, I ran a 12 min/mile pace" and them saying "wow, that's slow". It's not me, these people need a friggin' filter on their mouths. That 12 minute mile took me a long time to work up to. I am proud of that. I can't do it all the time and on the treadmill I am a lot slower but that is what I can do. I love when I get told people can walk a mile that fast because that's even ruder yet. It's as fast as my short legs can carry me right now and I am damn proud of it. I am stuck between two worlds. The athletic world where everyone is speedy and healthy and the diet world where everyone is working towards that. I don't fit in either place.

A Fuzzy Updated Picture

My phone has been taking crappy pictures lately, the kids messed with one of the settings but this is a progress picture none the less. Sweaty and after yoga.

Dear Spring..

Could you hurry up and get here already? I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I am ready to feel the sun beat down on my face. I will never again complain about freezing my water bottles or my funny cyclist tan line. I have picked up some new goodies at "off season" prices and am even more excited about those. The list includes:

• Nike Carbon Cycling Shoes
• Giordana Gloves
• Terry Knickers ( in a freakin' medium)
• Pink Paisley Helmet
• Selle San Marco Aspide Glamour Saddle
  
• Fly Gurlz Race Team Jersey
• Primal Black Orchid Jersey
• Primal Beehive Jersey
• Topeak Seat Bag (my other one was too tiny)
• Cinelli Pink/Black/White Bar Tape

On average I got about 75% off on these items since it is the "off season" The shoes were the best deal. They retail for $149.00 and I paid $10.50....new in the box :o) Full carbon sole and a wider toe box should prevent hot spots. I still need to pick up some shorts and of course my new bike from the bike shop. The seat was a must have. It is one of the most comfortable women's saddles on the market today and it is smaller than the crap stock saddles that come on the bike. They should just leave them off like they do the pedals. My new bike will be the Trek 2.1 Black & White WSD with a compact chain ring. 50/34...I am so excited about this because I was riding with a 50/39/30 triple. I used the granny gear ring once and because the middle ring was a 39 it was really hard to find a sweet spot, it always felt like I was missing something. Can you tell I a excited.!?! I have been spending Monday nights on the trainer which is similar to watching paint dry but an hour on the trainer is like 1.5 outside so I should at least not die on the first ride of the season.
Weight wise I dropped 6 pounds last month which is my goal. I think at this point between 6-8 pounds a month is reasonable. I also am consistently running 3 miles in about 37 minutes in the freezing cold. On the treadmill I am slower but I am bored out of my mind on that thing so I am obviously not as focused on the task at hand.
So in a complete reversal from my last negative nelly post I am feeling pretty good. I have refocused on me, myself and I. Trying to ignore the small things that irritate me and look to the big picture. I see 100 glorious miles in my future and it looks good :o)

Gumption...

Gumption, Tenacity, Perseverance and Hard Working. These are all words that have been used to describe me in the past month. So why don't I feel it? People ask advice, I give. People want support, I cheer them on. People want to be pushed to the point of almost puking, I can do that too. I am 22 months into this and want to lose 30+ more lbs. At my height I could easily lose 50. I was super morbidly obese. Yet right now I am struggling. I am not struggling with working out or eating right because that is natural to me. I am not struggling with losing because I am still losing, slower than the beginning but that is to be expected. I am struggling emotionally.
I can no longer be every one's cheerleader. I need to go back to just doing me. People ask advice but don't want to listen. Everyone wants weight loss quicker, faster, more. I want to run an 11 minute mile. I want to ride a century. I want to place in a Triathlon. These are MY goals. Some people may think I am being mean but I need to step back into my bubble. I need to do this for me.
You see everyone I know that has had a large amount of weight to lose has had WLS. EVERYONE. I don't know anyone in my small town area that has lost more than 100 pounds without surgery besides me. Is it easier? Is it harder? That is relative. It's like rating a work out. To some people hard is 30 minutes on the elliptical, to me hard is 45 minutes, level 2-18 NO Hands. We all have our own hard. Do I think it is easy to have your stomach rerouted..no, I really do not. I know how much I need to eat to work out the way I do. I couldn't do that with a tummy pouch and not sacrifice muscle. So what's the problem?
The problem is me. I have feelings and I have worked harder at this than I have at anything in my life. I want so badly to be a *results not typical story. I want this with such fire and passion that no one understands that my days are planned around my work outs. My meals are planned for weeks at a time. I have given up nights out with friends (sorry Isaac) because I knew I had to work out in the morning. Insert friends or acquaintances who have had WLS. 6, 7, 8, 9 months down the road and they have already lost 90-100% of their excess body weight. I admit I am a little jealous but mostly it is defeating. I work damn hard and it seems that once these people exceed my progress I feel as if they are trying to "one up" me.
I am the constant weight loss cheerleader, when failures occur and plateaus happen I am the first one to get the emails. I am also the first one to offer help but again emotionally I am drained. 22 months to get where I am today, another 5 months to get to my "goal" easy. That will be 27 months total (hopefully), maybe longer. The change is for a lifetime. So now I am discouraged, drained, tired and sore. I feel like a child at the beach that has spent all day building a sand castle just to have a bully come kick it down. And as a child would say...I am taking my toys and going home.

Spin & Sculpt

Well, I finally made it to my first Spin & Sculpt class. As a cyclists you would think I would LOVE it. No, I didn't like it a all. The class started at 8:15am and I arrived at 8am to find all of the bikes taken up. I was told to stick around because someone might leave. Someone did. Cool. I went and grabbed my weights and started to set up my bike. 1 out of the 2 instructors asked me if I needed help and I said no. I explained that I ride a road bike. She actually rolled her eyes at me. Then she looked down at my weights and proceeded to tell me that the 10lb weights would probably be too much for me. I curl 25's on a regular basis :o/ I told her I was fine and kept the weights. She marched out of the room and returned with 5lb weights and sat them next to me. She thought I might "need" them. I thought I really didn't need her attitude.
The 2nd instructor came in..this one actually knows me and was happy to see me there. While this is going on everyone is making a big deal out of the fact that all the bikes are full as more people are trying to get into an already full class. There was an actual discussion that if you weren't a "biggest loser" contestant then maybe you should give up your bike. My blood started to boil.
No I wasn't a biggest loser contestant but I have been a member of that gym for almost 2 years and I paid my dues just the same as anyone else. Just because these woman decided they want to lose weight for the new year didn't mean I was going to leave. So class started on a sour note.
We start spinning and are told to put it on a level 5. OK, I guess my level 5 and other peoples level 5 are different. Their legs are just spinning freely and lightly. So I ask...level 5 on a scale of??? I was told 1-10. Ok then you should be putting in some effort. It was pretty obvious to me at that point who was there to work and who was there for social hour.
I worked. Level 10 to me is about the same as a 20% grade hill so I pushed it and was sweating my ass off. I stuck with my chosen weights and found them to be almost too light for some of the "sculpting sets". Now, I know I work harder than a lot of people but these grown women were using 3-5 pound weights and have been taking this class for months. This wasn't my problem. The problem was the way they made me feel. I felt so unwelcome there. Like I didn't belong because I used heavier weight or I pushed myself too hard. I am not sure I will ever return to that class. Maybe I will just to piss them off :o)
I have a cycleops trainer here with my actual bike on it . I guess if I want to get ready for cycling season I will hop on that a couple of nights a week because quite honestly it's a better work out. Funny thing is I would challenge any one of the unwelcoming "spinners" to a 40 mile ride any day of the week.

Black Bean Brownies?

Before we get to this odd but yummy recipe I should probably tell you I have been dropping weight like a fat man at a sweat lodge ever since going back to counting my points. I have changed my workout routine on top of it~~ more reps, heavier weights and hard intervals on cardio days. I added yoga-lates a month or so ago and have been increasing my running speed. So maybe it isn't just the point counting but whatever it is I'll take it. I am thrilled because since August 1st I have only lost 30 pounds but that brings my total loss to around 160. I don't know the exact number because if you remember I had this horrid experience. That leaves me with 33 pounds to lose until my goal.

Now on to the brownies. Don't cringe at the idea. This is a WW thing and they are delish, chewy gooey fudgy so this it what you do:

1 box brownie mix
1 can (15 oz) black beans

Open the can of black beans, rinse well. With beans back in the can, add enough water to cover beans. Put in blender or food processor and puree. Add puree to brownie mix, and then bake according to package directions.

You DO NOT add the eggs or oil that the recipe calls for, JUST the black bean puree!

Makes 20 brownies-- 2 Weight Watcher Points each!

Feel it, Don't Feed it.

I think my weight loss journey has been more therapeutic for me than any doctor ever could have been. For those of you who know me, you know I have been through a lot . Most of it in the first 22 years of my life. My dad was sick for years. From the time I was 8 I knew I wouldn't have him forever. He wouldn't see me at graduation, walk me down the aisle or hold his grand children. By the time I was 15 he was gone and so was my mothers sanity. I was left to care for my brother, myself and the house. At 16 I was paying the bills out of my mothers checking account because she would forget. At 17 I worked full time, went to high school and college...and frequently pulled my mom out of a bar at 2am.
My oldest daughter was molested by her biological father when she was only 3, we didn't find out until she was 7. It made statewide news and was the biggest story around my small town for 6 months. My husband, me and our children lived under police protection all through a very graphic trial in which I helped get him sentenced to 3 life terms.
My "rock" through all of this was my grandmother. 2 days before my 29th birthday she died after fighting cancer.
Now I know other people have been through worse but sometimes when you are so used to having food to comfort you and make you feel better, well sometimes you just feel like breaking down. I don't eat my emotions anymore. I cry. I don't hold back how I feel. I speak my mind.
So after all of this my mother calls today and decides she wants to lose weight. I am so happy to hear this because I think if she doesn't do something soon she will die. She starts going on and on about how she was at a good weight until my dad got sick and how it was too much to handle and........well, can imagine how this went. And at that moment, on the phone, and so sick of her finding excuses for neglecting herself and neglecting us when we had just lost our father I said "Well Mom, he's not sick anymore. He has been dead for 15 years. You need to do something or you will be dead too."
I don't know why I said it but in that moment I truly felt the 150+ pounds I have lost truly lift off of me. Hopefully some of you that read this can relate . Remember, feel it~ don't feed it.

Nike+ = LOVE

In my closet there are 3 pair of New Balance. Trail runners, motion control, stability ect.... Each and every pair I was "recommended" and each and every one of them make running a chore. I mean don't get me wrong if you just started running, like me, then running is hard anyway but I didn't realize how much harder I was making it on myself. Finally I went in search of the shoe. I found out I am a neutral runner with a midfoot strike and high arches. That means I don't under pronate, over pronate, heel strike or need any extra support. Complete opposite of what I was told before. My gait could of changed due to strength training and weight loss, I don't know.

The perfect shoe for my foot has now entered my life. It is the Nike+ Vomero 4. Cushioned for those long miles but flexible, light and a neutral runner. And of course I had to get a Nike+ Sportband to compliment them and track my miles. I have ran twice on the treadmill (I HATE the treadmill) and could of just kept on going but it was time to get Chloe from daycare. I didn't have to stop for a cramp and my legs feel great. I am a happy runner, maybe someday I will be a faster runner but for now I am HAPPY and pain free.

I Love Larabars.

Seriously, LOVE. If you haven't ever had them I would highly recommend running to the store and trying them.Vegan, Raw, Gluten Free, Dairy Free, and awesome! I won a sample pack by posting on their blog and am now addicted. They run about 190 to 220 calories but are all natural. Most of them only have 3 ingredients and are so good for you. The great part it you wouldn't know by tasting them that they are healthy. My favorite so far has been the Key Lime Pie but I still have so many flavors to try. Here is the bummer. They are expensive. Most places have them for $2.00 or more each so I went on a search for recipes and found some. YAY. I will give them a try next week but they look pretty good so far.I just have to hunt down the key lime pie version.

• Lay two pieces of plastic wrap on counter.
• Place fruit in food processor and pulse until it has a paste-like texture. Transfer to a medium bowl.
• Add nuts to food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add nuts to bowl with the fruit.
• Add all other ingredients.
• Use fingers to knead into a paste.
• Divide mixture in half. Place each half on plastic wrap. Wrap plastic around mixture and form into a bar shape.
• Wrap tightly in plastic and store in the refrigerator.
  Makes 2 bars.

Cherry
1/4 c. dates
1/4 c. dried cherries or cranberries
1/3 c. whole pecans, almonds or walnuts
1/8 tsp. cinnamon

Cashew Cookie Dough
1/3 c. dates
1/2 c. raw cashews

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
1/3 c. dates
1/2 c. raw cashews
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
pinch of cinnamon
1/2 oz. finely chopped semisweet chocolate

Blueberry
1/4 c. dried blueberries
1/4 c. dates
1/3 c. almonds
1/2 tsp. finely grated lemon zest
1 drop almond extract

Apricot-Almond
6 tablespoons dried apricots
2 tablespoons date
use almonds for the nuts.

Tropical
Tropical fruit bits (check the bulk food aisle)
raw cashews for the nuts
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lime zest
1 teaspoon fresh lime juice

PB & J
1/4 cup dried cherries or cranberries
1/4 cup raisins or dates
1/2 cup raw peanuts

Blueberry
1/4 cup dried blueberries
1/4 cup dates
1/2 cup raw almonds
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
a drop of almond extract

Cashew Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw cashews

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw cashews
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
pinch of cinnamon
1/2 ounce very finely chopped semisweet or bittersweet chocolate

Pistachio Heaven
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw pistachios
a drop of almond extract

Peanut Butter Cookie Dough
1/3 cup dates
1/2 cup raw peanuts